The day I killed myself (poem)

[LIZ METAL]

I look to the stars of eternity
Praying for Death to come set me free
How dare you try to reach me!
Just leave me be
Dwelling in a maze of infinity
At the end I shall find the key
.....SUICIDE......
Now I'm truely free...............................

 

[NecromancerAlpha]

hey liz...
im not sure if you know this or not... but rhyming every line is kinda the kiss of death of poetry...

unless you were going for the inherent irony of it

well just my thoughts

-Necro(writer)

 

[flebbie]

Indeed.. I never read such a bad poem in my life..

 

[Officer Nice]

Why is it I read this poem and I am so easily reminded
of "Fade To Black" and "Beyond the Realms of Death"
....It may express a moment in time for her life but it's
not every original, should that matter. Bottom Line,
SUICIDE IS FOR COWARDS. There's nothing poetic
about suicide, it's just chickenshit.

-OfficerNice.

 

[Deadly Embrace]

Leave Liz alone, her poetry. is to deep for you guys to appreciate.....this ones dark & deep............................

 

[Officer Nice]

What's dark and deep about writing about death and suicide?
NOTHING.
I've had a bunch of that go down in my own life.
There's nothing romantic, deep, poetic or mysterious about it.
Death is final and suicide is chickenshit.

-OfficerNice.

 

[flebbie]

Originally posted by Deadly Embrace
Leave Liz alone, her poetry. is to deep for you guys to appreciate.....this ones dark & deep............................

leave Liz alone...? it seems she wants some attention

 

[NecromancerAlpha]

Deadly Embrace Leave Liz alone, her poetry. is to deep for you guys to appreciate.....this ones dark & deep............................

well i didnt say what i did to try to be mean or put her down... i was simply trying to give her advice as a writer.

to be honist i thought her ideas were solid... but her ryme skeem was kinda redundent which sorta led the reader down a path to get bored or find reading it tedeous.

but that being said i think the ideas are good just need to be displayed better...

this is all just constructive critisism and liz can feel free to write any way she likes... thats the great thing about writing is the freedom it offers...

but id like to encourage liz to try different things

and lastly if liz is happy with her writing then ill just shutup

ill also share something iv written if youd like to see an example of how changing your layout and structure can affect the overall work...
just my oppinons

SUICIDE IS FOR COWARDS. There's nothing poetic

humm i dont agree sir

not all poetry has to be the way you think it should... some of the greatest writings are credited for going agaisnt popular thinking and changing peoples minds about things... thats the power of writing

-Necro

 

[davo]

Originally posted by LIZ METAL
I look to the stars of eternity
Praying for Death to come set me free
How dare you try to reach me!
Just leave me be
Dwelling in a maze of infinity
At the end I shall find the key
.....SUICIDE......
Now I'm truely free...............................

I think some people here may be missing the point...
If this is truely how she feels then ... well that's not the way to be set free.

 

[Deadly Embrace]

To Express yourself, is human nature, how you go about, is up to the indivisual....................

 

[LIZ METAL]

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. That's what's so great about freedom of speech!

I made the poem short because of its repetitiveness. I made it on the spot so it's not supose to be all that great. Depression is the one pit I hate being in.

 

[Metal4Mom]

Liz, I'm sorry to hear you are feeling down, but I'm glad you're still able to express yourself with your poetry!

 

[LIZ METAL]

Yea thanks, I appreicate that. I have my ups and downs with all the shit I've experienced in such a short time. But I tell ya, if anyone in my family has a right to be depressed, it's my sis, she's been thru more Hell this year than I've experienced my entire life. I have no idea how she stays so strong. I wish she'd tell me her seceret. lol. With the might of the Gods and Goddesses I'm still here. A seat in Valhalla is all I live for.

 

[MindInsane]

I thought it was a cool poem Liz.....everyone's gotta have an opinion huh?

You know what they say about opinions don't ya?

Opinions are like ass-holes, everybody's got one and they all stink

keep on writing them girl!

 

[davo]

yeh write more Liz

 

[Officer Nice]

Quoted: SUICIDE IS FOR COWARDS. There's nothing poetic


humm i dont agree sir

not all poetry has to be the way you think it should... some of the greatest writings are credited for going agaisnt popular thinking and changing peoples minds about things... thats the power of writing



Are you actually being serious? Not all poetry has to be
the way you think it should? Some of the greatest writings
are credited for going against popular thinking and changing
peoples minds about things....
things?....things?....
WE ARE TALKING ABOUT SUICIDE YOU MORON.
No Offense.
Ever know anyone who killed themself?


Good God.

-OfficerNice

 

[Valofvalhalla]

Originally posted by LIZ METAL
A seat in Valhalla is all I live for.

Liz,
I have enjoyed reading your poetry. I think that everyone feels the sting of suicidal thoughts now and then. I also think that suicide is not the way to go or the path to choose. Purgatory waits and holds those forever. If you feel better expressing it here, rock on! I have a list of people that I wish would commit it!

 

[NecromancerAlpha]

yeah im on that list *nods*

twice i think

-Necro