the funniest Testaent review I've read

one man

one man

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Jul 4, 2002
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There are a lot of strange and unprofessional reviews, but some definitely stand out. Sure, I don't have to agree with the reviewers opinion and I can appreciate a review that's bashing my fav band, as long as this criticism is based on some facts and the reviews isn't written in an offensive way. Here's an example of a truly incopetent and ludicrous review of Souls Of Black. I guess it's funny to read it and to find some interesting facts that could surprise some die-hard fans (for instance: that "Love To Hate" is a copy of "Over The Wall", that the opening bass riff in "Souls Of Black" is as embarrassingly hokum as second rate thrash gets. that guitars in "Malpractice" are boring and cornball, and finally that Chuck believes that MIA's still exist in Vietnam, as shown in the songs "Malpractice" and "Missing In Action"!!). I know some of you dislike this record, but I think you'll enjoy the review:
http://www.kickedintheface.com/reviews/Testament-Souls_Of_Black.htm
 
Thanks for posting a link to Horatio's review, High Priest Of Evil.

I forwarded a link of this thread to Horatio. He refused to even bother replying to some nerd who calls himself "High Priest Of Evil" in the Testament section of UltimateMetal.com, although he did thank me for the good laugh. Something about you not realizing bitter sarcasm when you read it.

Me, on the other hand, can find no problem jumping in on the conversation.

So it sounds like you've misread sarcasm, judged another person's opinion as incorrect, and mistaken "similar to" for "is". I suppose it goes along with the territory of being a high priest of evil. Raaaaawwwwrrrrrrr ULTIMATE METAL!!!111

Thanks again, and have an ultimately evil and metal day.
 
The first review is full of crap~~
The cd may not be that great, but not too bad!!
It didnt metion any musicians' skills or the structures of those songs
That review is not objective!
Anywayz~~thanx for posting :)
 
Thanks for posting a link to Horatio's review, High Priest Of Evil.

I forwarded a link of this thread to Horatio. He refused to even bother replying to some nerd who calls himself "High Priest Of Evil" in the Testament section of UltimateMetal.com, although he did thank me for the good laugh. Something about you not realizing bitter sarcasm when you read it.

Me, on the other hand, can find no problem jumping in on the conversation.

So it sounds like you've misread sarcasm, judged another person's opinion as incorrect, and mistaken "similar to" for "is". I suppose it goes along with the territory of being a high priest of evil. Raaaaawwwwrrrrrrr ULTIMATE METAL!!!111

Thanks again, and have an ultimately evil and metal day.
Click to expand...

I don't know why I really bother to reply, but I'll do. Well, perhaps you've been kicked in the face to hard to comprehend that by no means have I judged anyone's opinion as incorrect. Opinions must differ and do differ. However, I think that if you state your opinion and review something for others, you need to be competent. You don't have to like the record and can criticize it as much as you wish, as long as you do it in a reasonable and not offensive way. In my opinion this particular review is written by a person that's definitely prejudiced to Testament and the fragments that I've already quoted (as well as some more) prove that constructive criticism is not among author's skills. Besides, I wrote that some of the forum users might find it funny not- "e-mail this guy and tell him that he sucks because he's talking shit about your band". I thought some people here may laugh when someone's praising Anthrax and complaining about Testament, when someone thinks the guitar playing in "Malpractice" is full of crap and the bass intro to "Souls of black" is as embarassingly hokum as second thrash gets, for I know that people here believe that the solo in "Malpractice" is one of the best and most popular leads of Alex Skolnick (who is one of the best and most popular guitarists not only for thousands of testament fans) and are very fond of Greg Christian's bass playing. This thread wasn't adressed to you, but to my fellow testament fans. I didn't say everybody will laugh; I did laugh and thought some people here will find it funny as well- if they didn't- then I must have a specific sense of humour and you oughtn't get to excited about it. And by the way, check out the definition of the word "sarcasm" before you use it again...
I won't even elaborate on judging someone by his nickname...

May you also have a truly evil day (if that's what you like) and may you get KickedInTheFace again (if that's what you enjoy)

I don't even dare to think that you understood what I've meant anyway
 
Don't worry I'd never lower my iron fist on such an intelligent and funny person as yourself, because I'd be afraid to be kicked in the face in advance (by your next pointless reply, of course)...
 
~The first review wasn't even worth mention. Souls of Black was the album that got me into Testament, and considering that it was written and recorded in a matter of weeks it's damn impressive!

~As for the second... there should be a law that people who have never listened to metal should not be allowed to review it. I mean the guy only had 3 comparisons under his belt. The first 2 were Metallica and Slayer, the third was Sonic Youth. Sonic Fucking Youth?! Not only does he miss the drummer question twice, (which leads me to believe that he hadn't heard the band in a decade) but he just misfires completely thinking that the band should sound like something more "listenable". This is metal, not Cockchoke 69 alternative or mall-core. The whole idea is to break the boundries and destroy convention. Can you imagine Low with Alex Skolnick in full Jazz Fusion boogie? Testament is one of the few bands who can play metal and still grow with each release.
 
I dont give a damn fcuk what stupid reviewers say, if anyone listens to those idiots then they are probably not worthy of listening to metal

i am worthy of metal and metal is worthy of me, hey! i just made a signature type phrase
feel free to use it anyone.
 
I read another review were they said that this band called mudvayne (pop metalish stuff)
was a, and I quote, thrash/speed band. Thrash slash, fucking speed!!?? wtf

in the next few lines, they categorized testament as mild rock!!!!
 
I've read thousands of great reviews, but some definitely are weird and make me just laugh- I never get pissed off, I just feel sorry for the pretensional person who writes them and those who are looking for advice and only get confused instead.

I've recently read a review where someone wrote that The Gathering sounds like a cross between Metallica and Godsmack!!! (and, believe me, it wasn't sarcasm or joking). I was like: "what the fuck?!!!?" The ultimate ROTFL. Sure, have your opinion, but don't be ridiculous. Sometimes I wonder if freedom of speech is really a blessing or maybe the opposite- the curse of our times...
 
OK - first this Horatio guy or whatever his name/nick is ... one of the greates reviewers that are into metal of all time :D ... u may disagree with his critical view on SoB but one must admit that the guy knows the metal business well and everybody should taki his statements under careful consideration :D buhahahaha
I don't know when he commited his review but look at his statement/prediction/whatever - here it is ....

"Testament were never going to make the leap to the elite thrash few."

:D :D

What a great pre-fuckin-diction :D :worship: - where is Anthrax, Megadeth or even mighty Slayer with their latest records in comparison to mighty Testament with their masterpiece called The Gathering !!!!
Thrash elite - i could put a few bands there but still it is TestAmenT for me that reigns over them all !!!

Who's laughing now, Horatio - who's laughing now :Spin:


second review - :D how can anybody review hard stuff when he finds double bass annoying :Spin:


 
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