Why Manowar fans have serious issues
An essay by Dr. Guerrilla, PhD
___________________________________________
One may search far and wide, yet one will not in a fucking million years find fans more annoying than Manowar fans. Manowar fans devotion to the band and extreme stubbornness are unique phenomena in the whole music scene, worthy of a crappy, semi in-depth analysis which I will attempt to do in the next few paragraphs.
For starters, lets begin this analysis by examining Manowars popularity.
As you can see Manowar very wisely adopted what I call the macho nerd look. Combining Arnolds tough attitude with traits one can find in the typical classroom nerd, they managed to attract all sorts of varied personalities, from the bullies to the D&D playing, black-eyed, nose-bleeding mommas boys. Now a key element in their success is that back when Manowar were young princesses instead of kings, true metal was gaining popularity. More and more people were drawn into the scene but they had not listened to other bands and therefore had nothing to compare Manowar to. So their uber cheesiness went virtually unnoticed. If one were so inclined and motivated to look deeper into this whole thing, one can find out that Manowars popularity can even be attributed to the Cold War and the war-loving mentality and attitude that was appropriate back at that time. Lastly, their album Hail To England(1984) earned Manowar the respect of many mustache toting, pot bellied Englishmen, in the same way as Iced Earths Alive In Athens earned Iced Earth the respect of many patriotic Greeks.
But the real reason behind Manowars success and the reason for their fans serious issues is the fact that Manowar is nothing more than the most oppressive and manipulative form of government that ever existed.
When Manowar saw they had a certain devoted albeit pathetic fan base, they started to fear that if they dont do something immediately, their fans were very likely to hear other bands, start listening to other genres of metal, realize Manowars cheesiness and tell them to fuck off.
So Manowar resorted to propaganda. In fact, they became so good at it that even Big Brother from George Orwells 1984 would gladly blow all four if they promised to share with him their evil propaganda secrets.
Through their albums, live performances etc. Manowar, just like Hitler, made sure to convince their fans that metal is Manowar, everything else is inferior and should become soap. And if Manowar fans so much as dared listen to another band theyd be committing the ultimate treason to true metal, punishable by being turned to aromatic soap Manowar use to clean and freshen their balls.
Today most first generation Manowar fans suffer from serious deep-seated psychological problems. And who can blame them? Theyve been subjected to the worst form of brainwashing, listening to lyrics that insult human intelligence accompanied by pointless music. These fans have lived and continue to live in fear. They subconsciously fear Manowar. Whenever a Manowar fan hears a Harley passing by, he falls to the ground and checks to see if his head is still on his shoulders, fearing that Manowar might have reason to believe that he betrayed them and now they have come with their fearsome swords to behead him. This is what I like to call MS, the Manowar Syndrome.
The End
An essay by Dr. Guerrilla, PhD
___________________________________________
One may search far and wide, yet one will not in a fucking million years find fans more annoying than Manowar fans. Manowar fans devotion to the band and extreme stubbornness are unique phenomena in the whole music scene, worthy of a crappy, semi in-depth analysis which I will attempt to do in the next few paragraphs.
For starters, lets begin this analysis by examining Manowars popularity.
As you can see Manowar very wisely adopted what I call the macho nerd look. Combining Arnolds tough attitude with traits one can find in the typical classroom nerd, they managed to attract all sorts of varied personalities, from the bullies to the D&D playing, black-eyed, nose-bleeding mommas boys. Now a key element in their success is that back when Manowar were young princesses instead of kings, true metal was gaining popularity. More and more people were drawn into the scene but they had not listened to other bands and therefore had nothing to compare Manowar to. So their uber cheesiness went virtually unnoticed. If one were so inclined and motivated to look deeper into this whole thing, one can find out that Manowars popularity can even be attributed to the Cold War and the war-loving mentality and attitude that was appropriate back at that time. Lastly, their album Hail To England(1984) earned Manowar the respect of many mustache toting, pot bellied Englishmen, in the same way as Iced Earths Alive In Athens earned Iced Earth the respect of many patriotic Greeks.
But the real reason behind Manowars success and the reason for their fans serious issues is the fact that Manowar is nothing more than the most oppressive and manipulative form of government that ever existed.
When Manowar saw they had a certain devoted albeit pathetic fan base, they started to fear that if they dont do something immediately, their fans were very likely to hear other bands, start listening to other genres of metal, realize Manowars cheesiness and tell them to fuck off.
So Manowar resorted to propaganda. In fact, they became so good at it that even Big Brother from George Orwells 1984 would gladly blow all four if they promised to share with him their evil propaganda secrets.
Through their albums, live performances etc. Manowar, just like Hitler, made sure to convince their fans that metal is Manowar, everything else is inferior and should become soap. And if Manowar fans so much as dared listen to another band theyd be committing the ultimate treason to true metal, punishable by being turned to aromatic soap Manowar use to clean and freshen their balls.
Today most first generation Manowar fans suffer from serious deep-seated psychological problems. And who can blame them? Theyve been subjected to the worst form of brainwashing, listening to lyrics that insult human intelligence accompanied by pointless music. These fans have lived and continue to live in fear. They subconsciously fear Manowar. Whenever a Manowar fan hears a Harley passing by, he falls to the ground and checks to see if his head is still on his shoulders, fearing that Manowar might have reason to believe that he betrayed them and now they have come with their fearsome swords to behead him. This is what I like to call MS, the Manowar Syndrome.
The End
thats fucking hilarious
