The Official Python (Monty) Thread

[xenophobe]

LAUNCELOT: Have we got bows?

ARTHUR: No.

LAUNCELOT: We have the Holy Hand Grenade.

ARTHUR: Yes, of course! The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch! 'Tis one of the sacred relics Brother Maynard carries with him! Brother Maynard! Bring up the Holy Hand Grenade!

MONKS: [chanting] Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem.

ARTHUR: How does it, um-- how does it work?

LAUNCELOT: I know not, my liege.

ARTHUR: Consult the Book of Armaments!

BROTHER MAYNARD: Armaments, chapter two, verses nine to twenty-one.

SECOND BROTHER: And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that, with it, Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits in Thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu--

MAYNARD: Skip a bit, Brother.

SECOND BROTHER: And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.'

MAYNARD: Amen.

KNIGHTS: Amen.

ARTHUR: Right! One!... Two!... Five!

GALAHAD: Three, sir!

ARTHUR: Three!

[angels sing]

[boom]

 

[bodomite]

 

[tara]

By the way folks....

I GOT THE MONTY PYTHON DVD BOX SET FOR CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!

*pees in excitement*

 

[xenophobe]

Cool. I still need to get the last 6 dvds... but they're all good.

 

[lizard]

I like the cannibalism sketches
(with a light tomato ketchup)

 

[Wandrail]

I want the DVD box set ...I did get the Young Ones DVD, though! Which I love nearly as much.

 

[lizard]

Young Ones are good...so's Blackadder, especially "Blackadder Goes Forth"

 

[Wandrail]

The Young Ones are some of my favorites, I think it was made for people with ADD, as you practically have to have a short attention span to watch it ...Rik is one of the funniest damn characters ever.

 

[Rusty]

Blackadder is almost as good as Python (Monty) and Fawlty Towers. Fawlty Towers is the best thing on tv ever.

 

[xenophobe]

Black Adder is okay. I much prefer Python and Hill. Red Dwarf is funny at times... and I quite wish they'd come out with a boxed Are you being served?

 

[Rusty]

I'm free!!

 

[xenophobe]

Cheer up, Brian. You know what they say.
Some things in life are bad,
They can really make you mad.
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle,
Don't grumble, give a wistle!
And this'll help things turn out for the best...
And...

(the music fades into the song)

...always look on the bright side of life!
(whistle)

Always look on the bright side of life...
If life seems jolly rotten,
There's something you've forgotten!
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing,

When you're feeling in the dumps,
Don't be silly chumps,
Just purse your lips and whistle -- that's the thing!
And... always look on the bright side of life...

(whistle)
Come on!

(other start to join in)
Always look on the bright side of life...
(whistle)

For life is quite absurd,
And death's the final word.
You must always face the curtain with a bow!
Forget about your sin -- give the audience a grin,
Enjoy it -- it's the last chance anyhow!

So always look on the bright side of death!
Just before you draw your terminal breath.
Life's a piece of shit,
When you look at it.

Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true,
You'll see it's all a show,
Keep 'em laughing as you go.
Just remember that the last laugh is on you!

And always look on the bright side of life...
(whistle)
Always look on the bright side of life
(whistle)

 

[Aggressor]

Originally posted by tara

And now for something completely different...

 

[lizard]

"The mosquito's a clever little bastard. You can track him for days and days until you really get to know him like a friend. He knows you're there, and you know he's there. It's a game of wits. You hate him, then you respect him, then you kill him."

 

[dan_escape]

we are the knights that say NI!!!! and we demand aaaaaaa









SHRUBURY!!!!!!!!

 

[Spike]

First Pepperpot: "Well, what's on the telly-vision then?"
Second Pepperpot: "Looks like a penguin."
First Pepperpot: "No no no no! I didn't mean what's on the telly-vision set. I meant what program?"

***

First Pepperpot: "If it lays an egg, it will fall down the back of the telly-vision set."
Second Pepperpot: "We'll have to watch that."
First Pepperpot: "Mmmmmm"
Second Pepperpot: "Unless it's a male."
First Pepperpot: "Ooh, I never thought of that."
Second Pepperpot: "Yes. It looks fairly butch."

***

Second Pepperpot: "Penguins don't come from NEXT DOOR! They come from the Antarctic!"
First Pepperpot: "BURMA!!!"
Second Pepperpot: "Why'd'j say Burma?"
First Pepperpot: "I panicked"

 

[tara]

"Diedre, that's my wife and I..."

Arthur Pewty was just not man enough for his wife and the marriage counselor.

 

[xenophobe]

 

[tara]

I WANT TO BE....A LION TAMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Michael Palin was so good at playing those boring, whimpy, accountant type guys and the overly toothy gameshow host types.

 

[Slash Freeman]

But! we are now no longer the knights who say.,...... "NI".....we are now the knights who say:

"Eky eky eky eky petwangzipollollololololllololololololol" (or summit like that!)