The Official Python (Monty) Thread
- Thread starter Rusty
- Start date
Wandrail
I'm your Huckleberry
I love Michael Palin as the many different clerks and shopkeepers he played opposite John Cleese.
Celtic_Fox
Tabhair Mo' Saor
Wandrail
I'm your Huckleberry
Hahaha..for some reason its hilarious that Arthur keeps yelling that out every time something happens 
ARTHUR: There! Look!
LAUNCELOT: What does it say?
GALAHAD: What language is that?
ARTHUR: Brother Maynard! You are a scholar.
MAYNARD: It's Aramaic!
GALAHAD: Of course! Joseph of Arimathea!
LAUNCELOT: 'Course!
ARTHUR: What does it say?
MAYNARD: It reads, 'Here may be found the last words of Joseph of Arimathea. He who is valiant and pure of spirit may find the Holy Grail in the Castle of aaaaaagggh'.
ARTHUR: What?
MAYNARD: '...The Castle of aaaaaagggh'.
BEDEVERE: What is that?
MAYNARD: He must have died while carving it.
LAUNCELOT: Oh, come on!
MAYNARD: Well, that's what it says.
ARTHUR: Look, if he was dying, he wouldn't bother to carve 'aaaaaggh'. He'd just say it!
MAYNARD: Well, that's what's carved in the rock!
GALAHAD: Perhaps he was dictating.
ARTHUR: Oh, shut up. Well, does it say anything else?
MAYNARD: No. Just 'aaaaaagggh'.
LAUNCELOT: Aaaauugggh.
ARTHUR: Aaaaaggh.
BEDEVERE: Do you suppose he meant the Camaaaaaargue?
GALAHAD: Where's that?
BEDEVERE: France, I think.
LAUNCELOT: Isn't there a 'Saint Aaauuves' in Cornwall?
ARTHUR: No, that's 'Saint Ives'.
LAUNCELOT: Oh, yes. Saint Iiiiives.
KNIGHTS: Iiiiives.
BEDEVERE: Oooohoohohooo!
LAUNCELOT: No, no. 'Aaaauugggh', at the back of the throat. Aaauugh.
BEDEVERE: N-- no. No, no, no, no. 'Oooooooh', in surprise and alarm.
LAUNCELOT: Oh, you mean sort of a 'aaaah'!
BEDEVERE: Yes, but I-- aaaaaah!
ARTHUR: Oooh!
GALAHAD: My God!
[dramatic chord]
[roar]
MAYNARD: It's the legendary Black Beast of Aaauugh!
[Black Beast of Aaauugh eats BROTHER MAYNARD]
BEDEVERE: That's it! That's it!
ARTHUR: Run away!
KNIGHTS: Run away!
[roar]
Run away! Run awaaay! Run awaaaaay!
[roar]
Keep running!
[boom]
[roar]
Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh!...
BEDEVERE: We've lost him.
[roar]
KNIGHTS: Aagh!
NARRATOR: As the horrendous Black Beast lunged forward, escape for Arthur and his knights seemed hopeless, when suddenly, the animator suffered a fatal heart attack.
ANIMATOR: Ulk!
[thump]
NARRATOR: The cartoon peril was no more. The quest for Holy Grail could continue...
LAUNCELOT: What does it say?
GALAHAD: What language is that?
ARTHUR: Brother Maynard! You are a scholar.
MAYNARD: It's Aramaic!
GALAHAD: Of course! Joseph of Arimathea!
LAUNCELOT: 'Course!
ARTHUR: What does it say?
MAYNARD: It reads, 'Here may be found the last words of Joseph of Arimathea. He who is valiant and pure of spirit may find the Holy Grail in the Castle of aaaaaagggh'.
ARTHUR: What?
MAYNARD: '...The Castle of aaaaaagggh'.
BEDEVERE: What is that?
MAYNARD: He must have died while carving it.
LAUNCELOT: Oh, come on!
MAYNARD: Well, that's what it says.
ARTHUR: Look, if he was dying, he wouldn't bother to carve 'aaaaaggh'. He'd just say it!
MAYNARD: Well, that's what's carved in the rock!
GALAHAD: Perhaps he was dictating.
ARTHUR: Oh, shut up. Well, does it say anything else?
MAYNARD: No. Just 'aaaaaagggh'.
LAUNCELOT: Aaaauugggh.
ARTHUR: Aaaaaggh.
BEDEVERE: Do you suppose he meant the Camaaaaaargue?
GALAHAD: Where's that?
BEDEVERE: France, I think.
LAUNCELOT: Isn't there a 'Saint Aaauuves' in Cornwall?
ARTHUR: No, that's 'Saint Ives'.
LAUNCELOT: Oh, yes. Saint Iiiiives.
KNIGHTS: Iiiiives.
BEDEVERE: Oooohoohohooo!
LAUNCELOT: No, no. 'Aaaauugggh', at the back of the throat. Aaauugh.
BEDEVERE: N-- no. No, no, no, no. 'Oooooooh', in surprise and alarm.
LAUNCELOT: Oh, you mean sort of a 'aaaah'!
BEDEVERE: Yes, but I-- aaaaaah!
ARTHUR: Oooh!
GALAHAD: My God!
[dramatic chord]
[roar]
MAYNARD: It's the legendary Black Beast of Aaauugh!
[Black Beast of Aaauugh eats BROTHER MAYNARD]
BEDEVERE: That's it! That's it!
ARTHUR: Run away!
KNIGHTS: Run away!
[roar]
Run away! Run awaaay! Run awaaaaay!
[roar]
Keep running!
[boom]
[roar]
Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh!...
BEDEVERE: We've lost him.
[roar]
KNIGHTS: Aagh!
NARRATOR: As the horrendous Black Beast lunged forward, escape for Arthur and his knights seemed hopeless, when suddenly, the animator suffered a fatal heart attack.
ANIMATOR: Ulk!
[thump]
NARRATOR: The cartoon peril was no more. The quest for Holy Grail could continue...
xenophobe
Active Member
Customer: Good Morning.
Owner: Good morning, Sir. Welcome to the National Cheese Emporium!
Customer: Ah .man.
Owner: What can I do for you, Sir?
C: Well, I was, uh, sitting in the public library on Thurmon Street just now,
skimming through "Rogue Herrys" by Hugh Walpole, and I suddenly came over
all peckish.
O: Peckish, sir?
C: Esuriant.
O: Eh?
C: 'Ee Ah wor 'ungry-like!
O: Ah, hungry!
C: In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, "a little fermented curd will do
the trick," so, I curtailed my Walpoling activites, sallied forth, and
infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some cheesy
comestibles!
O: Come again?
C: I want to buy some cheese.
O: Oh, I thought you were complaining about the mazuki player!
C: Oh, heaven forbid: I am one who delights in all manifestations of the
Terpsichorean muse!
O: Sorry?
C: 'Ooo, Ah lahk a nice tuune, 'yer forced too!
O: So he can go on playing, can he?
C: Most certainly! Now then, some cheese please, my good man.
O: (lustily) Certainly, sir. What would you like?
C: Well, eh, how about a little red Leicester.
O: I'm, a-fraid we're fresh out of red Leicester, sir.
C: Oh, never mind, how are you on Tilset?
O: I'm afraid we never have that at the end of the week, sir, we get it
fresh on Monday.
C: Tish tish. No matter. Well, stout yeoman, four ounces of Cafilly, if you
please.
O: Ah! It's beeeen on order, sir, for two weeks. Was expecting it this
morning.
C: 'T's Not my lucky day, is it? Aah, Bell Paisey?
O: Sorry, sir.
C: Red Windsor?
O: Normally, sir, yes. Today the van broke down.
C: Ah. Stilton?
O: Sorry.
C: Emental? Brilliere?
O: No.
C: Any Norweigan Yarlsburger, per chance.
O: No.
C: Lipta?
O: No.
C: Lancashire?
O: No.
C: White Stilton?
O: No.
C: Danish Brew?
O: No.
C: Double Goucester?
O: <pause> No.
C: Cheshire?
O: No.
C: Dorset Bluveny?
O: No.
C: Brie, Roquefort, Pol le Veq, Porceileu, Savoy Aire, Sampolan, Carrier de
lest, Bres Bleu, Bruson?
O: No.
C: Camenbert, perhaps?
O: Ah! We have Camenbert, yessir.
C: (suprised) You do! Excellent.
O: Yessir. It's..ah,.....it's a bit runny...
C: Oh, I like it runny.
O: Well,.. It's very runny, actually, sir.
C: No matter. Fetch hither the fromage de la Belle France! Mmmwah!
O: I...think it's a bit runnier than you'll like it, sir.
C: I don't care how fucking runny it is. Hand it over with all speed.
O: Oooooooooohhh........! <pause>
C: What now?
O: The cat's eaten it.
C: <pause> Has he.
O: She, sir.
(pause)
C: Goudon?
O: No.
C: Idam?
O: No.
C: Case Ness?
O: No.
C: Smoked Austrian?
O: No.
C: Japanese Sage Darby?
O: No, sir.
C: You...do *have* some cheese, don't you?
O: (brightly) Of course, sir. It's a cheese shop, sir. We've got-
C: No no... don't tell me. I'm keen to guess.
O: Fair enough.
C: Uuuuuh, Wensleydale.
O: Yes?
C: Ah, well, I'll have some of that!
O: Oh! I thought you were talking to me, sir.
Mister Wensleydale, that's my name.
(pause)
C: Greek Fetta?
O: Uh, not as such.
C: Uuh, Gorgonzola?
O: no
C: Parmesan,
O: no
C: Mozarella,
O: no
C: Paper Cramer,
O: no
C: Danish Bimbo,
O: no
C: Czech sheep's milk,
O: no
C: Venezuelan Beaver Cheese?
O: Not -today-, sir, no.
(pause)
C: Aah, how about Cheddar?
O: Well, we don't get much call for it around here, sir.
C: Not much ca--It's the single most popular cheese in the world!
O: Not 'round here, sir.
C: <slight pause> and what IS the most popular cheese 'round hyah?
O: 'Illchester, sir.
C: IS it.
O: Oh, yes, it's staggeringly popular in this manusquire.
C: Is it.
O: It's our number one best seller, sir!
C: I see. Uuh...'Illchester, eh?
O: Right, sir.
C: All right. Okay.
"Have you got any?" He asked, expecting the answer 'no'.
O: I'll have a look, sir..
nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnno.
C: It's not much of a cheese shop, is it?
O: Finest in the district!
C: (annoyed) Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.
O: Well, it's so clean, sir!
C: It's certainly uncontaminated by cheese....
O: (brightly) You haven't asked me about Limburger, sir.
C: Would it be worth it?
O: Could be....
C: Have you --SHUT THAT BLOODY MAZUKI OFF!
O: Told you sir...
C: (slowly) Have you got any Limburger?
O: No.
C: Figures.
Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optomism to have
posed the question in the first place. Tell me:
O: Yessir?
C: (deliberately) Have you in fact got any cheese here at all.
O: Yes,sir.
C: Really?
(pause)
O: No. Not really, sir.
C: You haven't.
O: Nosir. Not a scrap. I was deliberately wasting your time,sir.
C: Well I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to shoot you.
O: Right-0, sir.
The customer takes out a gun and takes out a pistol.
C: What a -senseless- waste of human life.
Owner: Good morning, Sir. Welcome to the National Cheese Emporium!
Customer: Ah .man.
Owner: What can I do for you, Sir?
C: Well, I was, uh, sitting in the public library on Thurmon Street just now,
skimming through "Rogue Herrys" by Hugh Walpole, and I suddenly came over
all peckish.
O: Peckish, sir?
C: Esuriant.
O: Eh?
C: 'Ee Ah wor 'ungry-like!
O: Ah, hungry!
C: In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, "a little fermented curd will do
the trick," so, I curtailed my Walpoling activites, sallied forth, and
infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some cheesy
comestibles!
O: Come again?
C: I want to buy some cheese.
O: Oh, I thought you were complaining about the mazuki player!
C: Oh, heaven forbid: I am one who delights in all manifestations of the
Terpsichorean muse!
O: Sorry?
C: 'Ooo, Ah lahk a nice tuune, 'yer forced too!
O: So he can go on playing, can he?
C: Most certainly! Now then, some cheese please, my good man.
O: (lustily) Certainly, sir. What would you like?
C: Well, eh, how about a little red Leicester.
O: I'm, a-fraid we're fresh out of red Leicester, sir.
C: Oh, never mind, how are you on Tilset?
O: I'm afraid we never have that at the end of the week, sir, we get it
fresh on Monday.
C: Tish tish. No matter. Well, stout yeoman, four ounces of Cafilly, if you
please.
O: Ah! It's beeeen on order, sir, for two weeks. Was expecting it this
morning.
C: 'T's Not my lucky day, is it? Aah, Bell Paisey?
O: Sorry, sir.
C: Red Windsor?
O: Normally, sir, yes. Today the van broke down.
C: Ah. Stilton?
O: Sorry.
C: Emental? Brilliere?
O: No.
C: Any Norweigan Yarlsburger, per chance.
O: No.
C: Lipta?
O: No.
C: Lancashire?
O: No.
C: White Stilton?
O: No.
C: Danish Brew?
O: No.
C: Double Goucester?
O: <pause> No.
C: Cheshire?
O: No.
C: Dorset Bluveny?
O: No.
C: Brie, Roquefort, Pol le Veq, Porceileu, Savoy Aire, Sampolan, Carrier de
lest, Bres Bleu, Bruson?
O: No.
C: Camenbert, perhaps?
O: Ah! We have Camenbert, yessir.
C: (suprised) You do! Excellent.
O: Yessir. It's..ah,.....it's a bit runny...
C: Oh, I like it runny.
O: Well,.. It's very runny, actually, sir.
C: No matter. Fetch hither the fromage de la Belle France! Mmmwah!
O: I...think it's a bit runnier than you'll like it, sir.
C: I don't care how fucking runny it is. Hand it over with all speed.
O: Oooooooooohhh........! <pause>
C: What now?
O: The cat's eaten it.
C: <pause> Has he.
O: She, sir.
(pause)
C: Goudon?
O: No.
C: Idam?
O: No.
C: Case Ness?
O: No.
C: Smoked Austrian?
O: No.
C: Japanese Sage Darby?
O: No, sir.
C: You...do *have* some cheese, don't you?
O: (brightly) Of course, sir. It's a cheese shop, sir. We've got-
C: No no... don't tell me. I'm keen to guess.
O: Fair enough.
C: Uuuuuh, Wensleydale.
O: Yes?
C: Ah, well, I'll have some of that!
O: Oh! I thought you were talking to me, sir.
Mister Wensleydale, that's my name.
(pause)
C: Greek Fetta?
O: Uh, not as such.
C: Uuh, Gorgonzola?
O: no
C: Parmesan,
O: no
C: Mozarella,
O: no
C: Paper Cramer,
O: no
C: Danish Bimbo,
O: no
C: Czech sheep's milk,
O: no
C: Venezuelan Beaver Cheese?
O: Not -today-, sir, no.
(pause)
C: Aah, how about Cheddar?
O: Well, we don't get much call for it around here, sir.
C: Not much ca--It's the single most popular cheese in the world!
O: Not 'round here, sir.
C: <slight pause> and what IS the most popular cheese 'round hyah?
O: 'Illchester, sir.
C: IS it.
O: Oh, yes, it's staggeringly popular in this manusquire.
C: Is it.
O: It's our number one best seller, sir!
C: I see. Uuh...'Illchester, eh?
O: Right, sir.
C: All right. Okay.
"Have you got any?" He asked, expecting the answer 'no'.
O: I'll have a look, sir..
nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnno.
C: It's not much of a cheese shop, is it?
O: Finest in the district!
C: (annoyed) Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.
O: Well, it's so clean, sir!
C: It's certainly uncontaminated by cheese....
O: (brightly) You haven't asked me about Limburger, sir.
C: Would it be worth it?
O: Could be....
C: Have you --SHUT THAT BLOODY MAZUKI OFF!
O: Told you sir...
C: (slowly) Have you got any Limburger?
O: No.
C: Figures.
Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optomism to have
posed the question in the first place. Tell me:
O: Yessir?
C: (deliberately) Have you in fact got any cheese here at all.
O: Yes,sir.
C: Really?
(pause)
O: No. Not really, sir.
C: You haven't.
O: Nosir. Not a scrap. I was deliberately wasting your time,sir.
C: Well I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to shoot you.
O: Right-0, sir.
The customer takes out a gun and takes out a pistol.
C: What a -senseless- waste of human life.
HEAD KNIGHT OF NI:
Ni!
KNIGHTS OF NI:
Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!
ARTHUR:
Who are you?
HEAD KNIGHT:
We are the Knights Who Say... 'Ni'!
RANDOM:
Ni!
ARTHUR:
No! Not the Knights Who Say 'Ni'!
HEAD KNIGHT:
The same!
BEDEVERE:
Who are they?
HEAD KNIGHT:
We are the keepers of the sacred words: 'Ni', 'Peng', and 'Neee-wom'!
RANDOM:
Neee-wom!
ARTHUR:
Those who hear them seldom live to tell the tale.
HEAD KNIGHT:
The Knights Who Say 'Ni' demand a sacrifice.
ARTHUR:
Knights of Ni, we are but simple travellers who seek the enchanter who lives beyond these woods.
HEAD KNIGHT:
Ni!
KNIGHTS OF NI:
Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!...
ARTHUR:
Ow! Ow! Ow! Agh!
HEAD KNIGHT:
We shall say 'ni' again to you if you do not appease us.
ARTHUR:
Well, what is it you want?
HEAD KNIGHT:
We want... a shrubbery!
[dramatic chord]
ARTHUR:
A what?
KNIGHTS OF NI:
Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!
ARTHUR and PARTY:
Ow! Oh!
ARTHUR:
Please! Please! No more! We will find you a shrubbery.
HEAD KNIGHT:
You must return here with a shrubbery, or else, you will never pass through this wood... alive.
ARTHUR:
O Knights of Ni, you are just and fair, and we will return with a shrubbery.
HEAD KNIGHT:
One that looks nice.
ARTHUR:
Of course.
HEAD KNIGHT:
And not too expensive.
ARTHUR:
Yes.
HEAD KNIGHT:
Now... go!
WHEN THE KNIGHTS RETURN:
ARTHUR:
O Knights of Ni, we have brought you your shrubbery. May we go now?
HEAD KNIGHT:
It is a good shrubbery. I like the laurels particularly,... but there is one small problem.
ARTHUR:
What is that?
HEAD KNIGHT:
We are now... no longer the Knights Who Say 'Ni'.
KNIGHTS OF NI:
Ni! Shh!
HEAD KNIGHT:
Shh! We are now the Knights Who Say 'Ecky-ecky-ecky-ecky-pikang-zoop-boing-goodem-zu-owly-zhiv'.
RANDOM:
Ni!
HEAD KNIGHT:
Therefore, we must give you a test.
ARTHUR:
What is this test, O Knights of-- knights who till recently said 'ni'?
HEAD KNIGHT:
Firstly, you must find... another shrubbery!
[dramatic chord]
ARTHUR:
Not another shrubbery!
RANDOM:
Ni!
HEAD KNIGHT:
Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must place it here beside this shrubbery, only slightly higher so you get the two-level effect with a little path running down the middle.
KNIGHTS OF NI:
A path! A path! A path! Ni! Shh! Knights of Ni! Ni! Ni! Shh! Shh!...
HEAD KNIGHT:
Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest... with... a herring!
[dramatic chord]
KNIGHTS OF NI:
A herring!
ARTHUR:
We shall do no such thing!
HEAD KNIGHT:
Oh, please!
ARTHUR:
Cut down a tree with a herring? It can't be done.
KNIGHTS OF NI:
Aaaaugh! Aaaugh!
HEAD KNIGHT:
Augh! Ohh! Don't say that word.
ARTHUR:
What word?
HEAD KNIGHT:
I cannot tell, suffice to say is one of the words the Knights of Ni cannot hear.
ARTHUR:
How can we not say the word if you don't tell us what it is?
KNIGHTS OF NI:
Aaaaugh!
HEAD KNIGHT:
You said it again!
ARTHUR:
What, 'is'?
KNIGHTS OF NI:
Agh! No, not 'is'.
HEAD KNIGHT:
No, not 'is'. You wouldn't get vary far in life not saying 'is'.
KNIGHTS OF NI:
No, not 'is'. Not 'is'.
BEDEVERE:
My liege, it's Sir Robin!
MINSTREL: [singing]
He is packing it in and packing it up
And sneaking away and buggering up
And chickening out and pissing off home,
Yes, bravely he is throwing in the sponge.
ARTHUR:
Sir Robin!
ROBIN:
My liege! It's good to see you.
HEAD KNIGHT:
Now he's said the word!
ARTHUR:
Surely you've not given up your quest for the Holy Grail?
MINSTREL: [singing]
He is sneaking away and buggering up--
ROBIN:
Shut up!
No, no. No. Far from it.
HEAD KNIGHT:
He said the word again!
KNIGHTS OF NI:
Aaaaugh!
ROBIN:
I was looking for it.
KNIGHTS OF NI:
Aaaaugh!
ROBIN:
Uh, here-- here in this forest.
ARTHUR:
No, it is far from this place.
KNIGHTS OF NI:
Aaaaugh!
HEAD KNIGHT:
Aaaaugh! Stop saying the word! The word...
ARTHUR:
Oh, stop it!
HEAD KNIGHT:
...we cannot hear! Ow! He said it again!
ARTHUR:
Patsy!
HEAD KNIGHT:
Wait! I said it! I said it!
[clop clop clop]
Ooh! I said it again! And there again! That's three 'it's! Ohh!
KNIGHTS OF NI:
Aaaaugh!...
I love the knights who say ni!
Ni!
KNIGHTS OF NI:
Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!
ARTHUR:
Who are you?
HEAD KNIGHT:
We are the Knights Who Say... 'Ni'!
RANDOM:
Ni!
ARTHUR:
No! Not the Knights Who Say 'Ni'!
HEAD KNIGHT:
The same!
BEDEVERE:
Who are they?
HEAD KNIGHT:
We are the keepers of the sacred words: 'Ni', 'Peng', and 'Neee-wom'!
RANDOM:
Neee-wom!
ARTHUR:
Those who hear them seldom live to tell the tale.
HEAD KNIGHT:
The Knights Who Say 'Ni' demand a sacrifice.
ARTHUR:
Knights of Ni, we are but simple travellers who seek the enchanter who lives beyond these woods.
HEAD KNIGHT:
Ni!
KNIGHTS OF NI:
Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!...
ARTHUR:
Ow! Ow! Ow! Agh!
HEAD KNIGHT:
We shall say 'ni' again to you if you do not appease us.
ARTHUR:
Well, what is it you want?
HEAD KNIGHT:
We want... a shrubbery!
[dramatic chord]
ARTHUR:
A what?
KNIGHTS OF NI:
Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!
ARTHUR and PARTY:
Ow! Oh!
ARTHUR:
Please! Please! No more! We will find you a shrubbery.
HEAD KNIGHT:
You must return here with a shrubbery, or else, you will never pass through this wood... alive.
ARTHUR:
O Knights of Ni, you are just and fair, and we will return with a shrubbery.
HEAD KNIGHT:
One that looks nice.
ARTHUR:
Of course.
HEAD KNIGHT:
And not too expensive.
ARTHUR:
Yes.
HEAD KNIGHT:
Now... go!
WHEN THE KNIGHTS RETURN:
ARTHUR:
O Knights of Ni, we have brought you your shrubbery. May we go now?
HEAD KNIGHT:
It is a good shrubbery. I like the laurels particularly,... but there is one small problem.
ARTHUR:
What is that?
HEAD KNIGHT:
We are now... no longer the Knights Who Say 'Ni'.
KNIGHTS OF NI:
Ni! Shh!
HEAD KNIGHT:
Shh! We are now the Knights Who Say 'Ecky-ecky-ecky-ecky-pikang-zoop-boing-goodem-zu-owly-zhiv'.
RANDOM:
Ni!
HEAD KNIGHT:
Therefore, we must give you a test.
ARTHUR:
What is this test, O Knights of-- knights who till recently said 'ni'?
HEAD KNIGHT:
Firstly, you must find... another shrubbery!
[dramatic chord]
ARTHUR:
Not another shrubbery!
RANDOM:
Ni!
HEAD KNIGHT:
Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must place it here beside this shrubbery, only slightly higher so you get the two-level effect with a little path running down the middle.
KNIGHTS OF NI:
A path! A path! A path! Ni! Shh! Knights of Ni! Ni! Ni! Shh! Shh!...
HEAD KNIGHT:
Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest... with... a herring!
[dramatic chord]
KNIGHTS OF NI:
A herring!
ARTHUR:
We shall do no such thing!
HEAD KNIGHT:
Oh, please!
ARTHUR:
Cut down a tree with a herring? It can't be done.
KNIGHTS OF NI:
Aaaaugh! Aaaugh!
HEAD KNIGHT:
Augh! Ohh! Don't say that word.
ARTHUR:
What word?
HEAD KNIGHT:
I cannot tell, suffice to say is one of the words the Knights of Ni cannot hear.
ARTHUR:
How can we not say the word if you don't tell us what it is?
KNIGHTS OF NI:
Aaaaugh!
HEAD KNIGHT:
You said it again!
ARTHUR:
What, 'is'?
KNIGHTS OF NI:
Agh! No, not 'is'.
HEAD KNIGHT:
No, not 'is'. You wouldn't get vary far in life not saying 'is'.
KNIGHTS OF NI:
No, not 'is'. Not 'is'.
BEDEVERE:
My liege, it's Sir Robin!
MINSTREL: [singing]
He is packing it in and packing it up
And sneaking away and buggering up
And chickening out and pissing off home,
Yes, bravely he is throwing in the sponge.
ARTHUR:
Sir Robin!
ROBIN:
My liege! It's good to see you.
HEAD KNIGHT:
Now he's said the word!
ARTHUR:
Surely you've not given up your quest for the Holy Grail?
MINSTREL: [singing]
He is sneaking away and buggering up--
ROBIN:
Shut up!
No, no. No. Far from it.
HEAD KNIGHT:
He said the word again!
KNIGHTS OF NI:
Aaaaugh!
ROBIN:
I was looking for it.
KNIGHTS OF NI:
Aaaaugh!
ROBIN:
Uh, here-- here in this forest.
ARTHUR:
No, it is far from this place.
KNIGHTS OF NI:
Aaaaugh!
HEAD KNIGHT:
Aaaaugh! Stop saying the word! The word...
ARTHUR:
Oh, stop it!
HEAD KNIGHT:
...we cannot hear! Ow! He said it again!
ARTHUR:
Patsy!
HEAD KNIGHT:
Wait! I said it! I said it!
[clop clop clop]
Ooh! I said it again! And there again! That's three 'it's! Ohh!
KNIGHTS OF NI:
Aaaaugh!...
I love the knights who say ni!
Slash Freeman
Iron Maiden obsessive
xenophobe
Active Member
The Idiot Song
How sweet to be an Idiot,
As harmless as a cloud,
Too small to hide the sun
Almost poking fun,
At the warm but insecure untidy crowd.
How sweet to be an idiot,
And dip my brain in joy,
Children laughing at my back,
With no fear of attack,
As much retaliation as a toy.
How sweet to be an idiot, how sweet.
I tiptoed down the street,
Smiled at everyone I meet,
But suddently a scream,
Smashes through my dream,
Fie fye foe fum,
I smell the blood of an asylum,
(Blood of an asylum,
But mother I play so beautifully,
listen. ha ha)
Fie fye foe fum,
I smell the blood of the asylum,
Hey you, you're such a pennant,
You got as much brain as a dead ant,
As much inagination as a carvan sign.
But I still love you, still love you,
Oooh how sweet to be an idiot,
How sweet. how sweet. How sweet.
How sweet to be an Idiot,
As harmless as a cloud,
Too small to hide the sun
Almost poking fun,
At the warm but insecure untidy crowd.
How sweet to be an idiot,
And dip my brain in joy,
Children laughing at my back,
With no fear of attack,
As much retaliation as a toy.
How sweet to be an idiot, how sweet.
I tiptoed down the street,
Smiled at everyone I meet,
But suddently a scream,
Smashes through my dream,
Fie fye foe fum,
I smell the blood of an asylum,
(Blood of an asylum,
But mother I play so beautifully,
listen. ha ha)
Fie fye foe fum,
I smell the blood of the asylum,
Hey you, you're such a pennant,
You got as much brain as a dead ant,
As much inagination as a carvan sign.
But I still love you, still love you,
Oooh how sweet to be an idiot,
How sweet. how sweet. How sweet.
Fractured
Meh
NeXTLiFE
In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida
Ultima Ibanez Overlord
-=The Dude Abides=-
I believe it goes: Look, I couldn't eat another thing. I'm absolutely stuffed. Bugger off.
Another great bit is this:
"This man is about to die. In a few moments now he will be killed. For Arthur Jarrett is a convicted criminal who has been allowed to choose the manner of his own execution."
Another great bit is this:
"This man is about to die. In a few moments now he will be killed. For Arthur Jarrett is a convicted criminal who has been allowed to choose the manner of his own execution."
Dead Winter
STAHP
"BE QUIET! I ORDER YOU TO BE QUIET!!!"
"Order he says! Who does he think he is?"
"I am your king!"
"Well I didn't vote for yeh."
"You don't vote for kings..."
"Well how did you become king then?"
"The lady of the lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your king."
"Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds, distributin' swords is no basis for government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farsical aquatic ceremony!"
"BE QUIET!!!"
"You can't expect to wield SUPREME EXECUTIVE POWER, just because some watery tart threw a sword at you!"
"SHUT UP!!!!!"
"I mean, if I went around saying I was an Emperor, just because some moistened bink lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!!!!!"
"SHUT UP, WILL YOU SHUT UP!!!!!!"
"Ahhh, now we see the violence inherited in the system!!!!"
"SHUT UP!!!!!!"
"Come and see the violence inherited in the system!!!!!!!!! HELP! HELP! I'M BEIN' REPRESSED!!!!!!"
"Bloody peasant!"
"Oh what a giveaway!!! Did you hear that, you hear that eh? That's what I'm on about! Did you see him repressin' me? You saw it didn't you?"
I swear, that has to be one of the funniest Monty Python skits EVER, LMAO!!!!!
"Order he says! Who does he think he is?"
"I am your king!"
"Well I didn't vote for yeh."
"You don't vote for kings..."
"Well how did you become king then?"
"The lady of the lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your king."
"Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds, distributin' swords is no basis for government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farsical aquatic ceremony!"
"BE QUIET!!!"
"You can't expect to wield SUPREME EXECUTIVE POWER, just because some watery tart threw a sword at you!"
"SHUT UP!!!!!"
"I mean, if I went around saying I was an Emperor, just because some moistened bink lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!!!!!"
"SHUT UP, WILL YOU SHUT UP!!!!!!"
"Ahhh, now we see the violence inherited in the system!!!!"
"SHUT UP!!!!!!"
"Come and see the violence inherited in the system!!!!!!!!! HELP! HELP! I'M BEIN' REPRESSED!!!!!!"
"Bloody peasant!"
"Oh what a giveaway!!! Did you hear that, you hear that eh? That's what I'm on about! Did you see him repressin' me? You saw it didn't you?"
I swear, that has to be one of the funniest Monty Python skits EVER, LMAO!!!!!
xenophobe
Active Member
Directed by:
40 specially trained
ecuadorian mountain llamas
6 Venuzuelian Red Llamas
142 Mexican Whooping Llamas
14 North Chilean Guancos
(cloeasly related to the llama)
Reg llama of Brixton
76000 battery llamas from
"llama-fresh" farms LTD. Near Paraguay
and
Terry Gilliam & Terry Jones
40 specially trained
ecuadorian mountain llamas
6 Venuzuelian Red Llamas
142 Mexican Whooping Llamas
14 North Chilean Guancos
(cloeasly related to the llama)
Reg llama of Brixton
76000 battery llamas from
"llama-fresh" farms LTD. Near Paraguay
and
Terry Gilliam & Terry Jones
~Zeanra~
Tandtroll
Nope, it was screaming to me too, but I could barely hear it over all the other voices.
*reads through thread again*
*reads through thread again*
Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis??
Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong??
It's swell to have a stiffy,
It's divine to own a dick,
From the tiniest little tadger,
To the world's biggest prick.
So, three cheers for your Willy or John Thomas,
Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake,
Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend,
Your Percy, or your cock.
You can wrap it up in ribbons,
You can slip it in your sock,
But don't take it out in public,
Or they will stick you in the dock,
And you won't come back.
Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong??
It's swell to have a stiffy,
It's divine to own a dick,
From the tiniest little tadger,
To the world's biggest prick.
So, three cheers for your Willy or John Thomas,
Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake,
Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend,
Your Percy, or your cock.
You can wrap it up in ribbons,
You can slip it in your sock,
But don't take it out in public,
Or they will stick you in the dock,
And you won't come back.
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