The Philistines always get shafted
- Thread starter MajestikMøøse
- Start date
Lies and Perfidy
Gentleman of the Road
Lies and Perfidy
Gentleman of the Road
Evil?
omghaxlol!1
Dark One
The Tainted Dogma
Dead_Lioness
Godless
Reign in Acai
Of Elephant and Man
Moose, what would you do to Karen if given the opportunity? I want you to draw out a detailed map of how you would encroach upon her ovarian battle shield.
Well, that's a good question Jerry, and I believe that it's worth my effort to give you and the entire internet a full and complete answer, since I think that it's not just a question that you have posed to me, but a question that every single male entity that has crossed paths with Karen has contemplated, but nobody has actually written a thesis on the topic.
Of course an extravagant amount of research would have to go on beforehand as to what Karen prefers from her sexual partners, but I'm sure that with a certain dedication to the topic I'd be able to prepare myself sufficiently for the task.
Now there has to be a certain amount of preamble. We will have to assume that since I'm such an ugly bastard there must be a bit of friendly coersion exercised, but that can be solved by a certain friend of ours, that I'm sure we're all familar with: The Captain.
The Captain is an essential part of our scheme, because he is the world famous party monger, and everyone enjoys pirates unless you're Dr. McNinja and in that case pirates can fuck right off, and highfiving chickens are mandatory.
But since the objective is to get Karen into bed, and not highfiving a chicken, we shall not pursue this line of thought any longer.
The plan in essence also calls in the Captain, also known in some instances as Derick Vollmer and his consort Cara Taylor to visit the house of Karen and ply her with her own fine alcohols. Meanwhile I prepare myself in a very manly way, probably something resembling this:
and NOT like this:
The key plan is that after Derick and Cara leave, I follow this already preestablished plan that was hypothesized by Cara for Acie:
There will be some of that.
The actual mechanics from there on may vary, most likely involving vaginal penetration and some tasteful pelvic theatrics. I'm sure that you have an imagination, but in case you're at a loss, I will describe this hypothetical event as being delightfully violent, like an energetic wrestling match with a pneumatic drill.
Afterwards, there will be some of
, somewhere in the world NAD will raise a fist in the air and go
, Jaykeeley will
, ct_thrash will
, and all the world will leap at once, and the following impact of everyone landing at once will destabilize the planet's orbit and earth will go crashing into the sun. Everyone dies happy.
Of course an extravagant amount of research would have to go on beforehand as to what Karen prefers from her sexual partners, but I'm sure that with a certain dedication to the topic I'd be able to prepare myself sufficiently for the task.
Now there has to be a certain amount of preamble. We will have to assume that since I'm such an ugly bastard there must be a bit of friendly coersion exercised, but that can be solved by a certain friend of ours, that I'm sure we're all familar with: The Captain.
The Captain is an essential part of our scheme, because he is the world famous party monger, and everyone enjoys pirates unless you're Dr. McNinja and in that case pirates can fuck right off, and highfiving chickens are mandatory.
But since the objective is to get Karen into bed, and not highfiving a chicken, we shall not pursue this line of thought any longer.
The plan in essence also calls in the Captain, also known in some instances as Derick Vollmer and his consort Cara Taylor to visit the house of Karen and ply her with her own fine alcohols. Meanwhile I prepare myself in a very manly way, probably something resembling this:
and NOT like this:
The key plan is that after Derick and Cara leave, I follow this already preestablished plan that was hypothesized by Cara for Acie:
There will be some of that.
The actual mechanics from there on may vary, most likely involving vaginal penetration and some tasteful pelvic theatrics. I'm sure that you have an imagination, but in case you're at a loss, I will describe this hypothetical event as being delightfully violent, like an energetic wrestling match with a pneumatic drill.
Afterwards, there will be some of
Reign in Acai
Of Elephant and Man
Evil?
omghaxlol!1
Evil?
omghaxlol!1
Dark One
The Tainted Dogma
War Ensemble
Enos, You Dipstick!
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