The Revenge Of The Return Of The Friday Joke!!

[CRUSADER747]

The Balloon family go to bed, and during the night there's a thunderstorm.

Baby balloon get's scared and goes through to it's parents bedroom, and tries to get into bed with them.

But as the bed is small there's no room, so it lets some air out of it's dad.

But it's no use, there's still not enough room.

So it lets some air out of its mum, but there's STILL not enough room!!

So it lets some air out of itself, and manages to squeeze in. . .

Morning comes and dad is furious, and says to baby, "I'm really disappointed in you"

"You've let me down, You've let your mum down, but most of all you've let yourself down".!!!!!!

 

[Sammi951]

Groan!!

 

[valanx]

lol

 

[princess_of_the_night2112]

Good joke there Crusader.

Here's a wee Thursday joke for youse:-

In the beginning God created Eve. And she had 3 breasts. After three
weeks in the garden, God came to visit Eve.

"How're things, Eve? He asked.

"It is all so beautiful, God," she replied. "The sunrises and sunsets
are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful but
I just have this one problem. It's these three breasts you've given
me. The middle one pushes the other two out, and I am constantly
knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches, snagging them
on bushes, they're a real pain," reported Eve.

"That's a fair point," replied God, "but it was my first shot at that

you know. I gave the animals, what, six? So I just figured you'd need

half, but I see that you are right. I'll fix that up right away!"

So, God reaches down and removes the middle breast, tossing it into
the bushes.

Three weeks passed, and God once again visited Eve in the garden.

"Well, Eve, how's my favourite creation?" He asked.

"Just fantastic," she replied, "but for one small oversight on your
part. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has her ram,
The cow has her bull, all the animals have a mate, except me. I feel
so alone."

God thought for a moment. "You know, Eve, you're right.

How could I have overlooked this! You do need a mate and I will
immediately create Man from a part of you!"


"Now, let's see ...... where did I put that useless tit?

 

[Sammi951]

Crackin'!! And ain't that the truth!!

 

[princess_of_the_night2112]

Hehehe you're right Sammi it is soooooooooo the truth. I don't suppose the guys on here will find it all that amusing but we girls know it is funny and true!!!!!

Well in saying that, they do have some uses. They're good at putting the bin out, putting fuses in plugs and going to get drinks at the bar - 3 things I hate doing, so I suppose they're not totally useless lol!

 

[CRUSADER747]

Well, that's charming that is

 

[princess_of_the_night2112]

Well, that's charming that is

Hehehe they are all useless apart from you Crusader. You do have your uses Crusader and in fact you will come in very useful to me cos you've got something that I really really want and you might as well give me it cos you have no use for it anymore...............................what am I talking about, that cool Saxon lighter, you might as well hand it over to me now since you have stopped puffing. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. I might be able to trade you a very adorable Saxon scarf for it.

 

[Sammi951]

Well in saying that, they do have some uses. They're good at putting the bin out, putting fuses in plugs and going to get drinks at the bar - 3 things I hate doing, so I suppose they're not totally useless lol!

I'll definitely agree with you on the putting the bin out and going to the Bar, Princess - I do try to avoid those things at all costs! I can do my own fuses though I have to, DIY isn't Paxoman's strong point! lol

 

[Sammi951]

Well, that's charming that is

But dead funny, don't you think??

 

[CRUSADER747]

A man goes to his doctor and complains that his wife hasn't wanted to have sex with him for the past six months.

The doctor tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her and hopefully determine what the problem is.

The following day, the wife goes to the doctor's office. The doctor asks her what's wrong, why doesn't she want to have sex with her husband?

"Oh, that's easily explained. For the past six months," the wife says, "I've been taking a cab to work every morning. I don't have any money. The cab driver asks me, 'Are you going to pay today, or what?' So, I take an 'or what'."

"Then, when I get to work," she continues, "I'm late, so the boss asks me, 'Are we going to write this down in the book, or what?' So, I take an 'or what'.

I take a cab to go home after work and, as usual, I have no money. The cab driver asks me again, 'So, are you going to pay this time, or what?' Again, I take an 'or what'.

So you see, doc, by the time I get home I'm all tired out and don't want it anymore."

"Yes, I see," replies the doctor. "So, are we going to tell your husband, or what?"

 

[WILKS]

Funny my missus always says i'm a useless twat:Spin:

 

[Sammi951]

Funny my missus always says i'm a useless twat:Spin:

I'm sure you're very lovable with it though Wilks!

 

[WILKS]

Cheers Sammi.
A bloke goes into hmv and asks for the new W.A.S.P. 12".As soon as he gets home he plays it only to find it make a terrible noise.So he goes back to the shop and tells the bloke behind the counter the problem.The chap behind the counter looks him up an down and says................................................................................................................................................
.............................................................................................................





















YOU TWAT YOU WERE PLAYING THE BEE SIDE.

 

[Sammi951]

Groan!!

 

[princess_of_the_night2112]

A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the Texas plains without
water. His horse has already died of thirst.

He's crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last
breath, when all of a sudden; he sees an object sticking out of the sand
several yards ahead of him. He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the
sand, and discovers what looks to be an old brief case.

He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie. She is
wearing an Inland Revenue ID badge and a dull gray dress. There's a
calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked behind one ear.

"Well, cowboy," says the genie... "You know how I work. You have three
wishes."

"I'm not falling for this." said the cowboy. "I'm not going to trust an Inland Revenue genie."

"What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like
you're a goner anyway!"

The cowboy thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is
right. "OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and drink."

***POOF***

The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen. And
he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

"OK, cowboy, what's your second wish."

"My second wish is that I was rich beyond my wildest dreams."

***POOF***

The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare
gold coins and precious gems.

"OK, cowboy, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!"

After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says... "I wish that no matter
where I go, beautiful women will want and need me."

***POOF***

He turned into a tampon.


The moral of the story:

If the government offers you anything, there's always going to be a string
attached

 

[Sammi951]

Oi, I object to that, Princess, I work for the Inland Revenue!! Now, where did I leave my dull grey dress and calculator....

 

[WILKS]

Can i ask for next time my family tax goes tits up.A few extra grand a year wont go amiss.cheers mate

 

[princess_of_the_night2112]

Oi, I object to that, Princess, I work for the Inland Revenue!! Now, where did I leave my dull grey dress and calculator....

Ooops sorry Sammi but somehow I can't really imagine a Saxon fan in a dull grey dress even if it is compulsory lol!!!!!

 

[princess_of_the_night2112]

A GUY GOES TO A SUPERMARKET AND NOTICES THAT A BEAUTIFUL BLONDE WAVES AT HIM AND SAYS “HELLO”.

HE'S RATHER TAKEN ABACK, BECAUSE HE CAN'T PLACE WHERE HE KNOWS HER FROM, SO HE SAYS "DO YOU KNOW ME?"

TO WHICH SHE REPLIES "I THINK YOU’RE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY KIDS."

HE THINKS BACK TO THE ONLY TIME HE HAS EVER BEEN UNFAITHFUL TO HIS WIFE AND SAYS, "MY GAWD, YOU'RE THE STRIPPER FROM THAT BACHELOR PARTY THAT I LAID ON THE POOL TABLE WITH ALL MY BUDDIES WATCHING, WHILE YOUR PARTNER WHIPPED ME WITH WET CELERY AND THEN STUCK A CARROT.....”

SHE REPLIED " EH NO NOT EXACTLY , I'M YOUR SONS MATH TEACHER."


Hehehe!!!!