Sammi951
Member
princess_of_the_night2112 said:
Well, I was...until I said that about liking men with long dark hair!!
Return Of The Friday Joke!!
- Thread starter CRUSADER747
- Start date
Well, I was...until I said that about liking men with long dark hair!!
If remember rightly sammi you will dtrink anything as long as its in a bucket rweal northan lass eh:Spin:
princess_of_the_night2112
Goddess of Metal
Sammi951 said:Well, I was...until I said that about liking men with long dark hair!!
Hahahahaha...............well that's you for it now Sammi. I agree with you anyway, you canny beat a dark longhaired rocker, very tasty.
Sammi951
Member
WILKS said:
No Wilks, you've got me all wrong, I'm a laydee!!
Well, I wouldn't just drink anything out of a bucket...like pee, for instance!! But yes, I am told by Paxoman that I am very Northern...and he doesn't mean it as a compliment!
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess.
The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing.
He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
-----------------------------------------------
I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......
* she called me to get my phone number.
* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."
* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
*she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
*she tried to drown a fish.
*she thought a quarterback was a refund.
*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
*she tripped over a cordless phone.
*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
*she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
*she studied for a blood test.
*she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
*when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
*when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
*when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home.
The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing.
He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
-----------------------------------------------
I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......
* she called me to get my phone number.
* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."
* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
*she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
*she tried to drown a fish.
*she thought a quarterback was a refund.
*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
*she tripped over a cordless phone.
*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
*she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
*she studied for a blood test.
*she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
*when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
*when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
*when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home.
:Spin:
GuillotineDaniel
Guillotine Guitarist
princess_of_the_night2112
Goddess of Metal
An ugly man walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face.
"What are you so happy about?" asks the barman.
"Well, I'll tell you," replies the ugly man. "You know, I live by the railway. Well, on my way home last night, I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like in the movies. I cut her free of course and took her back to my place.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all
night, all over the house. We did everything, me on top, sometimes her on top, every position imaginable!"
"Fantastic!" exclaimed the barman. "You lucky guy. Was she pretty?"
"Dunno...Never found the head"
"What are you so happy about?" asks the barman.
"Well, I'll tell you," replies the ugly man. "You know, I live by the railway. Well, on my way home last night, I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like in the movies. I cut her free of course and took her back to my place.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all
night, all over the house. We did everything, me on top, sometimes her on top, every position imaginable!"
"Fantastic!" exclaimed the barman. "You lucky guy. Was she pretty?"
"Dunno...Never found the head"
princess_of_the_night2112
Goddess of Metal
CRUSADER747 said:Ewwwwwww, that's sooooo sick LOL
Heeheehee one point to me cos I shocked Crusader!!!!!
princess_of_the_night2112
Goddess of Metal
MIDDLE-EAST MYSTERY?
Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to
commit suicide.
Let's see now:
No Jesus, No K-Mart, No television, No cheerleaders, No cricket,
No football, No basketball, No hockey, No golf, No beach parties.
No Bunnings hardware shop. No adult porn shops.
No pork BBQ, No hot dogs, No burgers, No lobster, No shellfish, or even
frozen fish sticks, No twiggies, No beer.
No Penthouse or Playboy magazines
More than one wife.
Rags for clothes and towels for hats.
Constant wailing from the bloke next door because he's sick and there are
no doctors.
Constant wailing from the wanker in the tower.
No chocolate chip cookies.
No Christmas or Easter
You can't shave.
Your wives can't shave.
You can't shower to wash off the smell of donkey cooked over burning camel
shit.
The women have to wear baggy dresses and veils at all times.
Your bride is picked by someone else and she smells just like your donkey,
but your donkey has a better disposition.
Then they tell you that when you die it all gets better!
I mean, really,
"IS THERE A MYSTERY HERE"?
Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to
commit suicide.
Let's see now:
No Jesus, No K-Mart, No television, No cheerleaders, No cricket,
No football, No basketball, No hockey, No golf, No beach parties.
No Bunnings hardware shop. No adult porn shops.
No pork BBQ, No hot dogs, No burgers, No lobster, No shellfish, or even
frozen fish sticks, No twiggies, No beer.
No Penthouse or Playboy magazines
More than one wife.
Rags for clothes and towels for hats.
Constant wailing from the bloke next door because he's sick and there are
no doctors.
Constant wailing from the wanker in the tower.
No chocolate chip cookies.
No Christmas or Easter
You can't shave.
Your wives can't shave.
You can't shower to wash off the smell of donkey cooked over burning camel
shit.
The women have to wear baggy dresses and veils at all times.
Your bride is picked by someone else and she smells just like your donkey,
but your donkey has a better disposition.
Then they tell you that when you die it all gets better!
I mean, really,
"IS THERE A MYSTERY HERE"?
A young blonde bride made her first appointment with a gynecologist, and told him that she and her husband wished to start a family.
"We've been trying for months now, doctor, and I don't seem to be able to get pregnant," she confessed miserably.
"I'm sure we´ll solve your problem," the doctor reassured her.
"If you'll just take off your clothes and get up on the examining table."
"Well, all right, doctor," agreed the young woman, blushing, "but I'd rather have my husband's baby.
"We've been trying for months now, doctor, and I don't seem to be able to get pregnant," she confessed miserably.
"I'm sure we´ll solve your problem," the doctor reassured her.
"If you'll just take off your clothes and get up on the examining table."
"Well, all right, doctor," agreed the young woman, blushing, "but I'd rather have my husband's baby.
Thank you for all of your kind words and thoughts about the passing of Umesh (AKA Arkitex). He would be so pleased to see the continuation of the Friday jokes on this forum. He had a wonderful sense of humour.
Just wanted to say a few things for those of you who had befriended him by way of this forum: As I packed up our flat I was stunned to find 18 different Saxon CD's (many had repeats of songs). He even had two copies of Dogs of War (not sure why). When I went through his pocket pc, I found that he had every Saxon song in his collection downloaded onto 1 GB memory card. I found three Saxon t-shirts (which I kept). We had planned on going to the concert in Bradford in October.
So as not to leave this message on a down note, I will repeat the first joke that he ever told me (very corny)--
What do you do when you see a spaceman? ....... Park in it, man!!!
Just wanted to say a few things for those of you who had befriended him by way of this forum: As I packed up our flat I was stunned to find 18 different Saxon CD's (many had repeats of songs). He even had two copies of Dogs of War (not sure why). When I went through his pocket pc, I found that he had every Saxon song in his collection downloaded onto 1 GB memory card. I found three Saxon t-shirts (which I kept). We had planned on going to the concert in Bradford in October.
So as not to leave this message on a down note, I will repeat the first joke that he ever told me (very corny)--
What do you do when you see a spaceman? ....... Park in it, man!!!
