Read this, its a scream, especially the bit about "anyone who is not sufficiently metal should be forced to eat his severed head while having his eyeballs burned with a superheated metal crucifix then slowly skinned alive". Although how you're supposed to eat your own severed heat would be inpossible I reckon!!!!
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/42365
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/42365