This might be the crappiest review I have ever read...

ProgMetalFan

In the attic
Jan 3, 2002
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...but I would expect nothing less from that cesspool known as BLABBERMOUTH. I don't think this moron even listened to the album.

EVERGREY - Recreation Day (Inside Out) (7.5 /10)

Though not the most achingly essential heavy metal outfit to have bounced around the inside of your cranium, EVERGREY, you sense, are approaching that "special something". And when we refer to such a thing, we're talking about that which drove the CYCLONE TEMPLEs or the HITTMANs of this world (anyone?) — those bands that came from nowhere, ultimately ended up nowhere, but made some heady sounds along the way and were criminally undervalued.

EVERGREY come from Gothenburg, Sweden: that current hotbed of riffs and rage where bands seemingly compete to come up with the most off-the-wall musical arrangements possible. In truth, like everything else, it's all starting to get a bit old. Lucky, then, that EVERGREY have had a four-album head start to separate themselves from the stagnating pack and hone their sound into a far more shapely entity.

They rely not on thirty-note riffs — like a fair proportion of their peers — but the loping, bottom-ended chug, the swooping/soaring vocal and the flourishes of keyboard-backed quirks. Before you jump to conclusions, RHAPSODY this is not.

"The Great Deceiver" is an exemplary choice of opener, roping in all the aforementioned elements to make a track that really romps home in style. If only "Recreation Day" exuded such grace and power throughout, it would be a real colossus. And while they do a sterling toughening-up job on a Swedish throwaway pop "classic" (having not heard it, we can only assume that DILBA's original "I'm Sorry" could be considered as such), there are still noticeable fillers such as "Blinded" and the nine-minute acoustic sprawl, "Trilogy Of the Damned", which isn't the greatest advert for unplugging those distortion pedals.

As we said, they're still a few songs away from greatness. But, you still feel, it's a matter of sooner rather than later.
- Tony Daley
 
OH NO! Somebody call the police: There is a reviewer in the world that DOESN`T praise Evergrey´s new album! What´s more, different opinions actually DO EXIST, it is NOT a myth! OH, the horror! The UTTER HORROR, I say!
 
It's not that the review is unfavorable... it's that it is irresponsible. He chooses the bonus track and the cover song to bash for half of his review.
 
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U[Sic]M said:
OH NO! Somebody call the police: There is a reviewer in the world that DOESN`T praise Evergrey´s new album! What´s more, different opinions actually DO EXIST, it is NOT a myth! OH, the horror! The UTTER HORROR, I say!

That's not the point. A good review of the album would be one in which OPINION was kept out of it, regardless of whether it was a favorable review or not.

Who actually gives a fuck if the reviewer likes or dislikes the record? If that's ALL they tell you in their review, it doesn't help anyone.
 
markgugs said:
That's not the point. A good review of the album would be one in which OPINION was kept out of it, regardless of whether it was a favorable review or not.

Who actually gives a fuck if the reviewer likes or dislikes the record? If that's ALL they tell you in their review, it doesn't help anyone.

So, in your opinion, a good review of Evergrey´s "Recreation Day" would be something like the one below here?

Artist/Band: Evergrey
Album: Recreation Day
Songs:1. The Great Deceiver, 2. End of your Days, 3. As I lie here bleeding, 4. Recreation Day, 5. Visions, 6. I´m Sorry, 7. Blinded, 8. Fragments, 9. Madness caught another Victim, 10. Darkest Hour, 11. Unforgivable Sin
Style: Melodic Metal

And remember that I´m out on a limb, in your opinion, if I include which style they play because that is mildly subjective and highly debatable (suggesting underlying opinions).
 
No, those are just statistical facts about the record.

A good review will take the music that the reviewer is listening to, and translate it into verbage that describes the music, talking about what comes off well, what doesn't come off so well, perhaps pointing out which type of fan the music might appeal to, etc.

Sure, some opinion will normally creep into any review; it's near-impossible to prevent that. But, there's no reason to praise or slag something unless you can provide some concrete reasoning that's at least steeped in knowledge about the music being reviewed, no?
 
markgugs said:
No, those are just statistical facts about the record.

A good review will take the music that the reviewer is listening to, and translate it into verbage that describes the music, talking about what comes off well, what doesn't come off so well, perhaps pointing out which type of fan the music might appeal to, etc.

Sure, some opinion will normally creep into any review; it's near-impossible to prevent that. But, there's no reason to praise or slag something unless you can provide some concrete reasoning that's at least steeped in knowledge about the music being reviewed, no?

Yup, these are all opinions: description of music, what comes off well, what doesn´t come off well, which type of fan might dig it (which, for the record, is totally lame and childish to point out), the lot. So, in your opinion, you are really a crap reviewer. In your opinion, that is; by your own standards. I´m waiting for you to praise my review of Evergrey´s latest album now, which is totally devoid of opinion (save for the stated style they play), and, as such, the best kind of review (in your opinion, of course).