Alone in the Dark sucks ass. haha.
From Creature Corner:
If Uwe Boll ever makes another film, Im going to kill him.
You wouldnt think that Uwe Boll, director of 2003's single worst film, House of the Dead, could top himself, or lower himself, but he has with Alone in the Dark, an awful film, incompetent at every level of production, that establishes Boll as one of the worst directors in film history. Sure, House of the Dead mightve been a fluke, but Bolls vision is crystal clear in Alone in the Dark. Hes a very bad director.
Is Alone in the Dark a bad film? Its really, really bad, but unlike the films of Ed Wood, whose career Boll seems to aspire to, theres no humor to be found in Alone in the Dark, not even from the awful dialogue, stupid plot elements, and cheesy action scenes that look like leftovers from the House of the Dead effects scrap pyre. Even though Boll has more resources to work with on Alone in the Dark, compared to House of the Deads modest budget, the results are just as bad, even worse. Bigger badness.
The film begins with a hilariously awkward opening scroll, inspired by the Star Wars films I think, where the gravelly-voiced narrator explains the dark history of an ancient tribe of demons that are about to be unleashed. The plot then switches to a paranormal detective, played by Christian Slater, who also narrates parts of the film, as he searches for clues to unlock a doorway to...hell. I think its hell because all of the sets in the film look like rejects from episodes of Relic Hunter. Would you believe that Tara Reid plays a museum curator? Would you believe that shes the most credible character in the whole film?
Its important to say that Alone in the Dark isnt a bad film that is unintentionally funny, or that it will end up in the so-bad-its-good files. Its so inept, so poorly acted and filmed, that even the gang at Mystery Science Theater 3000 would be shocked. Some of the dialogue is hilarious with lines like "Some doors are meant to stay closed" and, when Reid and Slater are in the monsters underground lair, "I dont think were supposed to be down here." The film is full of dialogue like that, largely because the screenplay, devoid of imagination, requires all the characters to be stupid in order for the film to crawl to its conclusion. We can tell Tara Reids a museum curator in the film because her hairs pinned back and she wears glasses. The actors all have embarrassed looks on their faces in this film, especially Slater whos no doubt wondering how his once vibrant film career has sunk to this new low. Have fun in syndicated television, Christian.
Alone in the Dark
I just realized that I havent described much of the plot of Alone in the Dark, and thats because I dont want to spend one more second thinking about this awful excuse for a film. Thats all the time it would take.
is based on a video game that Ive never played and its hilarious how Boll uses the same idiotic bullet-time shots he was crucified for using in House of the Dead. The film looks terrible; on a purely visual level, this is a horrible film to look at. Im assuming that Boll and his writers, as they did on House of the Dead, played the Alone in the Dark video game, found about two minutes of plot, and then just decided to recycle the same scenes over and over again. You know the scenes: the ones where the characters are all alone in dark corridors just so the movie can kill them off, in this case spouting dialogue like "Do you hear that?" Well, if we can hear the monsters(are the monsters in this film demons or dragons or ghosts?)a mile away, the characters should. The monsters themselves look so silly, parts ripped-off from other better films in the genre, that its hard to believe anyone would be frightened by them.
Alone in the Dark posted $2.5 million (14th place) in its opening weekend.
From Creature Corner:
If Uwe Boll ever makes another film, Im going to kill him.
You wouldnt think that Uwe Boll, director of 2003's single worst film, House of the Dead, could top himself, or lower himself, but he has with Alone in the Dark, an awful film, incompetent at every level of production, that establishes Boll as one of the worst directors in film history. Sure, House of the Dead mightve been a fluke, but Bolls vision is crystal clear in Alone in the Dark. Hes a very bad director.
Is Alone in the Dark a bad film? Its really, really bad, but unlike the films of Ed Wood, whose career Boll seems to aspire to, theres no humor to be found in Alone in the Dark, not even from the awful dialogue, stupid plot elements, and cheesy action scenes that look like leftovers from the House of the Dead effects scrap pyre. Even though Boll has more resources to work with on Alone in the Dark, compared to House of the Deads modest budget, the results are just as bad, even worse. Bigger badness.
The film begins with a hilariously awkward opening scroll, inspired by the Star Wars films I think, where the gravelly-voiced narrator explains the dark history of an ancient tribe of demons that are about to be unleashed. The plot then switches to a paranormal detective, played by Christian Slater, who also narrates parts of the film, as he searches for clues to unlock a doorway to...hell. I think its hell because all of the sets in the film look like rejects from episodes of Relic Hunter. Would you believe that Tara Reid plays a museum curator? Would you believe that shes the most credible character in the whole film?
Its important to say that Alone in the Dark isnt a bad film that is unintentionally funny, or that it will end up in the so-bad-its-good files. Its so inept, so poorly acted and filmed, that even the gang at Mystery Science Theater 3000 would be shocked. Some of the dialogue is hilarious with lines like "Some doors are meant to stay closed" and, when Reid and Slater are in the monsters underground lair, "I dont think were supposed to be down here." The film is full of dialogue like that, largely because the screenplay, devoid of imagination, requires all the characters to be stupid in order for the film to crawl to its conclusion. We can tell Tara Reids a museum curator in the film because her hairs pinned back and she wears glasses. The actors all have embarrassed looks on their faces in this film, especially Slater whos no doubt wondering how his once vibrant film career has sunk to this new low. Have fun in syndicated television, Christian.
Alone in the Dark
I just realized that I havent described much of the plot of Alone in the Dark, and thats because I dont want to spend one more second thinking about this awful excuse for a film. Thats all the time it would take.
is based on a video game that Ive never played and its hilarious how Boll uses the same idiotic bullet-time shots he was crucified for using in House of the Dead. The film looks terrible; on a purely visual level, this is a horrible film to look at. Im assuming that Boll and his writers, as they did on House of the Dead, played the Alone in the Dark video game, found about two minutes of plot, and then just decided to recycle the same scenes over and over again. You know the scenes: the ones where the characters are all alone in dark corridors just so the movie can kill them off, in this case spouting dialogue like "Do you hear that?" Well, if we can hear the monsters(are the monsters in this film demons or dragons or ghosts?)a mile away, the characters should. The monsters themselves look so silly, parts ripped-off from other better films in the genre, that its hard to believe anyone would be frightened by them.
Alone in the Dark posted $2.5 million (14th place) in its opening weekend.
