It doesnt even deserve a 2 out of 10. it was fucking horrific. it made the first one look incredible, i enjoyed the first one, it was a good starting point, but 2 is..... its..... i actually felt insulted.
spoilers ahead....
The transformers didnt get much screen time the first time around so all they do is throw more transformers in for the 2nd one, you dont get to know any of them, it makes it worse than the first film. prime doesnt do ANYTHING in the film other than fight a bit, get killed, get brought back to life and batter some decepticons really easily. megatron turns out to be a crawling whiny bitch, whos no better than starscream - just following orders. fuck off. yeah theres the starscream megatron relationship thing happening but do we get told why? no, do we care now? no.
ratchet and ironhide and even bumblebee are hardly in it, most of the screen time is given to HORRIBLE crude humour that i cant believe people laughed at (dogs shagging, a little robot fucking michaelas leg with actual full on thrusting motion, agent simmons showing his arse in a thong, devestator having TESTICLES, jetfire being british??, fucking ghetto robot twins bringing the summer movie down to all new lows - i cant believe people got paid for creating them) i found the first film funny, it was quite charmingly funny, even the wanking jokes, but this one is just horribly low brow sex jokes, its like a crap american pie film but with robots in it. seriously, its almost offensive, the two fucking twin things are as bad as jar jar binks but a chavvy spaz gangsta version, not to compare transformers to star wars but thats how it felt, complete waste of time, why not give that screen time to ratchet and ironhide???? and they speak like ghetto bwoys and fight lots with each other and call people bitches and pube afro heads and talk about poppin caps in asses and can't read. well done michael bay and co. for teaching children whats "cool".
theres no story, just some crap made up stuff about older primes and the matrix of leadership being needed to start a machine hidden in a pyramid that will kill the sun to make energon, it means NOTHING, it just jumps around with no purpose and you dont care. i just wanted it to finish, it angered me. i even like some of michael bays films, i dont care that theyre usually just expensive explosions with bad stereotyping and lots of military porn, sometimes you want that, the rock was brilliant, bad boys was pretty good. but i dont get what the fuck he thinks hes doing with this one, its all complete bollocks and very not for kids, its aimed at children for tits sakes, its about toys, but all of the jokes in it were just hideously inappropriate for kids.
Devestator is a waste of time, looks cool, says his own name - great, climbs a pyramid and batters it a bit then gets blown away by a massive gun from miles away. totally pointless. the female decepticon human thing is ridiculous, but hot, and VERY not for kids, its just slutty, and even horrifying when it transforms (well it will be for kids, it looked a bit cool to me but still) and why would they use something like that just to send to a college to keep an eye on sam, wouldnt it be put to better use like infiltrating military places or impersonating important people etc. STUPID. i liked sams parents in the first one, they were quite entertaining, but in this i just wanted to shoot the mother, theyve made her a complete idiot and they shoehorn her and the father into the plot really badly, im sure the writers were pissing themselves when they handed in the finished screenplay, they've managed to get some awful stuff into 2 and a half hours of noise and unfunny jokes and it got made and they got paid for it.
ive gone on and on about it but i cant stop writing, it really wound me up how they took everything that seemed good in the first film, copied it exactly and completely forgot to make it good again and copied everything that was bad and made that even worse. it feels like the same film but shittier, exactly the same fucking music score all way through apart from horrible gay pop rock scattered throughout. cheap. it treats you like you're a retard, like everyone who was involved in the film creatively is sat behind you laughing and whispering "cant believe you paid for this you clown". it even ends with optimus standing and sending a message out just like the first one. fuck off.
Shia the beef doesnt annoy me, i dont mind him, he needs to take some serious roles and not just stick to blockbusters and running around, to prove to us that hes worth our money and that he can act, i reckon he probably can, so i have no problem with him. megan fox was hot in the first one, naturally hot, blatantly filthy, and hot, but in this shes whored up massively, she actually looks like shes had surgery and turned into a katie price type, which is bad, she looked wrong and served no purpose. the army guys from the first film had nothing to do also, just run around a bit and look like you know what youre doing.
them bloody twins, i cant get over the decision to have them in it. whats happened to summer films? star trek was ok (same writers bizarrely) if not a bit convenient in places, but we've lost the magic of films like back to the future and indiana jones (except the new one), stuff like that, summer films that were about character and story, but also special effects and action that worked together intelligently to create something special. somethings gone horribly wrong, because apparently we're led to believe that goofy ghetto speaking idiot twins is what we find funny and interesting.
actually there are some positives, theres a forest battle scene in the middle that is well done, optimus prime reminds us why he was an idol to us when we were kids. well, 1 positive.
i know youre all going to see it anyway, but dont say i didnt warn you. the effects mean nothing when you dont care. its a mess.