Whale threatens Jurched with Lawsuit at Whale-Mart

[Jurched]

Freedom of Speech, my ass. "Ya got the right to say the RIGHT shit, or yer ass is toast, son."

Case in point:

So a friend and I were walking through Wal-Mart on Sunday, and I pointed out how all the fat-carts were in use.

My friend complained aloud how he wanted to drive all of the whale-mobiles over to the far side of the store, so the fat-asses would have to waddle over to get them.

Then I remarked how sick I am of these whales wasting coal-fired, global-warming electricity just because they're too fuckin lazy to put one foot in front of the other.

And what should cruise from behind a rack of plus-sized tents but a whale on wheels. (She was savagely ugly, by the way.)

"Hey!" she shouted at us, "I'll have you know I suffer from a medical condition!"

I just looked in her basket, and noticed three bags of potato chips sittin there. I didn't bother commenting on the sheer irony of the statement.

"I wasn't talking to you!" I responded.

"I heard what you said!" she spat, "What's your name! Don't you know I could sue you for harassment!"

Uh huh.

Well, I'd hate to admit it, but I ran like a bitch.

Yep. I could've poured a couple of gallons of vitriol all over that fuckin sack of jello but there was something so... stomach-turning about this miserable, fat, sweating, heavy-breathing, angry, bitter slob even talking in my direction, that it was in the interest of self-preservation that I should escape what I had unwittingly wrought.

And the coup de grace, of course, is my wallet being even slightly threatened with a good Jewish lawyer.

Better to flee the vomit-inducing scene than enflame it. I'm not gonna hang around while some cunt attempts to scrape up fat pride with the help of some good Jewish lawyer. Maybe she's got the time and money. I don't.

So I said, "Fuck this!" and we walked.

She shouted, "Hey! Get back here!" and put her whale-mobile into overdrive... but one of its tired wheels got caught on the edge of a clothes rack and she couldn't pursue us.

A black Wal-Mart employee standing an aisle away followed us away from the whale, whose "Hey! Hey!" continued from behind garish handbags and cheap plasma televisions, but then quickly turned down the next aisle.

He smirked at us like, "I don't need to be involved in this shit!"

So, there you have it. I ran like a bitch, but I don't feel bad about it. I have no desire to receive a summons to appear with a good Jewish lawyer over some frivolous PC bullshit.

Not on a day out shopping for milk and some light bulbs...

Jurched

 

[fah-q]

You probably didn't have to out-run her. I think you could've out-walked her. After 100 yards of trying to catch you. The friction of her thighs against each other would have created enough heat to cook the inside of her manatee sized thighs medium rare. By the time you reached the door, should would either spontaneously combust or she would smell her legs cooking. Mistake it for food and slow down to identify the source of the food smell.

 

[Evil Dead]

I did that once, except I was drunk and at a bar, and I called a group of whores..well..whores. They came for me. At first I thought I was going to get laid by four girls at once. Then I find myself out on the street because somehow a drunk guy being assaulted by four whores means the bouncer has to toss me out.

But anyways, Wal mart sucks. If you want to see humanity at its worst, go to Walmart.

 

[Dr.TEETH]

Walmart is like "night of the living dead".
Everybody who shops there becomes a zombie.

Go there during christmas season, It's entertaining. People become testy because it's over crowded, and start bickering with each other over cheap chinese merchandise.

If ya ever wanna see two zombies fight over a DVD player... Christmas time at Walmart is the place to see it.

 

[IAN442]

i'll vouch for the shenanigans that go on at wally world.

i chose the super wally world becuase its literally 5 minutes from my house and its open 24-7. the groceries are reasonable especially the generic stuff, and in a large family like mine that goes a long way with 4 kids.

i get some of my painting tools or lower quality hand tools from them, things i know that won't last or my kids get a hold of and leave out in the rain or something.

i don't really deal with the clientele but its definitely straight out the trailer most of the time, and what is it with kids getting their ass beat in wal mart, Rodney carrington wasn't kidding about that skit at all. There's always some snot nosed little brat (usually white) thats getting an ass whipping for acting out.

i'll shop it cause its easy to the house and on the wallet. but if that wasn't the case i'd head elsewhere more often.

 

[EerieVon]

i'll vouch for the shenanigans that go on at wally world.

i chose the super wally world becuase its literally 5 minutes from my house and its open 24-7. the groceries are reasonable especially the generic stuff, and in a large family like mine that goes a long way with 4 kids.

i get some of my painting tools or lower quality hand tools from them, things i know that won't last or my kids get a hold of and leave out in the rain or something.

i don't really deal with the clientele but its definitely straight out the trailer most of the time, and what is it with kids getting their ass beat in wal mart, Rodney carrington wasn't kidding about that skit at all. There's always some snot nosed little brat (usually white) thats getting an ass whipping for acting out.

i'll shop it cause its easy to the house and on the wallet. but if that wasn't the case i'd head elsewhere more often.

Hell I'd be happy if I could hear some english in my walmart

 

[Jurched]

Walmart is like "night of the living dead".
Everybody who shops there becomes a zombie.

Sheeeatt! Wal-Mart makes "Night of the Living Dead" look like "Studio 54"! Most people wandering aimlessly around that place are brutally repulsive! White trailer trash who look like they woke up in an alley behind the Irish Pub mix uneasily with homeys missing one or more of their front teeth from a lack of dentistry and fist fights. Rotating around them are the hispanic employees who're positively planet-sized.

Truth is, I'm too handsome to be caught shopping in Wal-Mart. I stand out as a target of ruthless persecution by the fat and the ugly.

But unfortunately, my wallet is mostly empty. When I need cheap duct-tape, I gotta go to Whale-Mart, not to Ace Hardware.

But I don't see why I've got to be constantly offended when I shop. Who said my eyes have to suffer by their obscene repulsiveness? Why must my sense of taste by persecuted? Why must my wholesome character be assaulted by these trailer-trash fucks who shuffle around with their cheeks dragging on the floor? What the hell???!

Jurched

 

[Arg_Hamster]

I know a woman who has a hormone dysfunction. She can loose or gain 60 lbs in a few months. When I met her she must have weighed around twice as much as she did on some pictures she showed taken the previous year.

Anyway, people with that condition of course has to watch what they eat. I doubt the Great Whale-Mart womans dietist would approve of her the bags of potato-chips. But if she white trash I doubt she could even spell dietist.

 

[Kinrus]

On a related topic, Billy should re-record Spandex Enormity in honor of Rosie O'Donnell. I hear that song in my head every time I see her (on the news for whatever stupid shit she's said that day).

 

[vomit]

Walmart is like "night of the living dead".
Everybody who shops there becomes a zombie.

Go there during christmas season, It's entertaining. People become testy because it's over crowded, and start bickering with each other over cheap chinese merchandise.

If ya ever wanna see two zombies fight over a DVD player... Christmas time at Walmart is the place to see it.

I am laughing my ass off right now. You got it spot on!! Everytime I go in Satan-Mart, I feel tainted somehow. Not sure how, but I feel dirty like I've done something wrong. Needless to say every time I have to visit Evil-Mart I go as fast as humanly possible....too many freaks, weirdos, lard-asses, mulletheads, and other unnamed riff-raff.uke:

 

[SueNC]

I am laughing my ass off right now. You got it spot on!! Everytime I go in Satan-Mart, I feel tainted somehow. Not sure how, but I feel dirty like I've done something wrong. Needless to say every time I have to visit Evil-Mart I go as fast as humanly possible....too many freaks, weirdos, lard-asses, mulletheads, and other unnamed riff-raff.uke:

sounds like you're there quite a bit. which of those categories do you fall under?

 

[vomit]

sounds like you're there quite a bit. which of those categories do you fall under?

I am in there WAY TOO MUCH! I ADMIT IT! I like bargains, but sometimes feel like I'm trading a bit of my soul for pennies! I always try to go elsewhere but the human cesspool always calls me back...........

 

[Evil Dead]

the walmart food section makes up for the sleazy retail side of the store..most of the time

 

[EerieVon]

the walmart food section makes up for the sleazy retail side of the store..most of the time

Thats a sad truth. Walmart is cheaper than any alternative around here-Albertsons, Vons, etc

 

[Jurched]

Thats a sad truth. Walmart is cheaper than any alternative around here-Albertsons, Vons, etc

Yeah, but Whale-Mart shit is more expensive than your average supermarket sale prices. I buy shit on sale and save bread.

I only go to Whale-Mart for lower priced shit that's never on sale. Like duct-tape and 5-gallon containers of motor oil.

Then I get the fuck outta there.

Otherwise, I get haunted by the fat and the ugly.

Jurched