Heck, I thought the original captions were funny... So, instead of coming up with new captions, I'll modify/translate the originals, heh heh...
1. Take cover immediately, below ground if possible (or better yet, a different city/country), though any shield or shelter will help protect you from the immediate effects of the blast and the pressure wave. (Follow this advice only if you enjoy a prolonged painful death, since the after effects are actually a LOT worse than the immediate effects of a nuclear blast.)
2. Consider if you can get out of the area; (We don't actually expect you to consciously follow this step, instinct will take care of that...)
3. Or if it would be better to go inside a building and follow your plan to "shelter-in-place*". (*Also known as shit-your-pants)
4. In order to limit the amount of radition you are exposed to, think about shielding, distance and time. (Example thoughts: "Damn, I wish I had a shield...", "I wonder if I can run faster than radiation can travel?", "Man, I can remember a time when my hair and flesh would stay attached to my body... Man, those were the days!")
Shielding: If you have a thick shield between yourself and the radioactive materials, more of the radiation will be absorbed, and you will be exposed to less. (Kinda like Russell Crowe did in that movie Gladitor when those dudes were driving around in chariots with spikes on the wheels... That was cool... One of those shields should work GREAT against radiation... Go get one now!)
Distance: The farther away from the blast and the fallout the lower your exposure. (In other words: Try your best not to live in an area where you are likely to be exposed to a nuclear blast... Like, for example, NOT the USA...)
Time: Minimizing time spent exposed will also reduce your risk. (
Editors note: The image for this step was unintentionally vague. The last two digits in the time are milliseconds, not seconds... We apologize for this mix up...)
6. Use available information to assess the situation. If there is a significant radiation threat, health care authorities may or may not advise you to take potassium iodide.
(If they DO advise you to take potassium iodide, it's because they think it may or may not help. If they don't advise you to take it, it's because they are already dead - possibly from taking potassium iodide... You may or may not be better off using caution...)
Potassium iodide is the same stuff added to your table salt to make it iodized.
(Just thought you'd be interested in knowing that...)
It may or may not protect your thyroid gland, which is particularly vulnerable, from radioactive iodine exposure.
(Unfortunately, there is currently nothing you can take that may or may not protect all the other stuff that is vulnerable to radioactive iodine exposure.)
Consider keeping potassium iodide in your emergency kit, learn what the appropriate doses are for each of your family members.
(Or you can just eat a LOT of McDonalds french fries in the months prior to the nuclear blast... It tastes better and there are no appropriate dosages for each of your family members... GO NUTS!!!)
Plan to speak with your health care provider in advance about what makes sense for your family.
(This is especially important considering that what makes sense for one family may or may not make sense for another family... For example: Some families choose these last moments of their life to experiment with homosexuality, pedophilia, bondage, S&M, taking it up the ass (husband/wife/children) and numerous other things because that's what makes sense to them at the time... You know what's best for your family... After all! You're an American!!!)
