Mrs. Grednik, who was a little on the chubby side, was at her
weight-watchers meeting. "My husband insists I come to these meetings because he would rather screw a woman with a trim figure," she lamented to the woman next to her.
"Well," the lady replied, "what's wrong with that? You'll feel better, too."
"You don't understand. He likes to do it while I'm stuck at these damn meetings."
------------------------------------------------------------
These two kids were talking and making up stories.
"My father can run 1000 miles in one day."
"Oh yeah? When my father raises up his hands he can reach the sky."
"Oh yeah? When your father raises his hands into the clouds, does he feel something soft up there?"
"Yeah, he said he does."
"Well, those are my father balls."
------------------------------------------------------------
A lady bought a new Lexus. Cost a bundle.
Two days later, she brought it back, complaining that the radio was not working.
"Madam," said the sales manager, "the audio system in this car is
completely automatic.
All you need to do is tell it what you want to listen to, and you
will hear exactly that!"
She drives out, somewhat amazed and a little confused. She looked at the radio and said "Nelson."
The radio responded, "Ricky or Willie?"
Soon, she was speeding down the highway to the sounds of "On the road again".
The lady was astounded.
If she wanted Beethoven, that's what she got. If she wanted Nat King Cole, she got it.
Suddenly, at a traffic light, her light turned green and she pulled
out. Off to her right, out of the corner of her eye, she saw a small sports utility vehicle speeding towards her. She swerved and narrowly missed a head-on collision."
"ASSHOLE," she muttered. And, from the radio....
"Ladies and gentlemen, the former President of the United States, Mr Bill Clinton"
weight-watchers meeting. "My husband insists I come to these meetings because he would rather screw a woman with a trim figure," she lamented to the woman next to her.
"Well," the lady replied, "what's wrong with that? You'll feel better, too."
"You don't understand. He likes to do it while I'm stuck at these damn meetings."
------------------------------------------------------------
These two kids were talking and making up stories.
"My father can run 1000 miles in one day."
"Oh yeah? When my father raises up his hands he can reach the sky."
"Oh yeah? When your father raises his hands into the clouds, does he feel something soft up there?"
"Yeah, he said he does."
"Well, those are my father balls."
------------------------------------------------------------
A lady bought a new Lexus. Cost a bundle.
Two days later, she brought it back, complaining that the radio was not working.
"Madam," said the sales manager, "the audio system in this car is
completely automatic.
All you need to do is tell it what you want to listen to, and you
will hear exactly that!"
She drives out, somewhat amazed and a little confused. She looked at the radio and said "Nelson."
The radio responded, "Ricky or Willie?"
Soon, she was speeding down the highway to the sounds of "On the road again".
The lady was astounded.
If she wanted Beethoven, that's what she got. If she wanted Nat King Cole, she got it.
Suddenly, at a traffic light, her light turned green and she pulled
out. Off to her right, out of the corner of her eye, she saw a small sports utility vehicle speeding towards her. She swerved and narrowly missed a head-on collision."
"ASSHOLE," she muttered. And, from the radio....
"Ladies and gentlemen, the former President of the United States, Mr Bill Clinton"
