So, once again those crime fighting bastards the police have found yet another to discriminate. It's called a DWW offense and is very similar to DWB, which is driving while black. This new offense, is Driving While Whirlbanging. Yes, I got pulled over for whirlbanging. The cops have found a way to discriminate against all those that love metal. Teve (all names have been changed to protect the innocent) and I were cruising down 5th street going to Earcy's, wildly whirlbanging to some wicked Heavenly when wouldn't you know it, a Southern View cop pulls up behind us and proceeds to pull us over on Stevenson drive. He told me that I did not stay within the parameters of my designated lane. I said "Officer, I was merely whirlbanging to some wicked fucking Heavenly" and then I proceeded to turn the music up so that he could feel the wickedness. However, the officer could not feel the metal pulsating through his body so therefore he proceeded to give me a field metal test, which tells how metal you are at the time. Evidently the legal limit of wicked fucking metal in one's body while driving is .08. So, he proceeded to test me on subjects such as walking a straight line off the plank of death and reciting certain parts of the alphabet that may be necessary for satanic rituals and growls and shrieks of the metal variety. He also made me balance on one foot while counting which I really have no clue how that relates to metal, but it does. Maybe, it's the countdown to metal, 5,4,3,2,1..........METAL!!!!!!!!!!! I'm still baffled why I had to do it on one foot though. Maybe it was just practice in case I were to have my leg bloodily and grotesquely ripped from my body by a huge fucking great white shark. Or for those people who were born with trees for fathers. Anyway, after that the cop asked me to blow into his metal detector to determine how much metal was in my body at the time. Luckily I only blew a .015 which is way below the legal limit, but I tell you if I had been in my car whirlbanging for five more minutes longer, I think I would have blew a .08 or above because that's how much metal would have been pulsing in my body with just 5 more minutes of Heavenly. It took 3 squad cars and 4 officers to give me this metal test while Teve merely recieved a ticket for not having his safety harnest on while whirlbanging. Tragic accidents have happened because of car whirlbanging, heads chopped off, limbs lost, we all have heard the stories. And luckily they didn't find the crack that Teve shoved up his ass a mere four seconds prior to being pulled over for DWW (driving while whirlbanging).
I say we end this discrimination of metalheads everywhere. Driving while whirlbanging is not dangerous it is merely a discriminatory act of power tripping police officers. WE MUST BAN TOGETHER AND UNITE SWORDS, AXES, AND ARMOUR AND ROCK OUT THROUGH THICK AND THIN. FUCK DA HOLICE. "We are free to decide, make your choice mad is human's pride, to defy paradise, cause we are here, the metalheads of the earth, raise your armours high, our land is so divine, and we will stay here, THE METALHEADS OF THE EARTH!"
I LOVE HEAVENLY!!!!!!!! ROCKON!!!!!
I say we end this discrimination of metalheads everywhere. Driving while whirlbanging is not dangerous it is merely a discriminatory act of power tripping police officers. WE MUST BAN TOGETHER AND UNITE SWORDS, AXES, AND ARMOUR AND ROCK OUT THROUGH THICK AND THIN. FUCK DA HOLICE. "We are free to decide, make your choice mad is human's pride, to defy paradise, cause we are here, the metalheads of the earth, raise your armours high, our land is so divine, and we will stay here, THE METALHEADS OF THE EARTH!"
I LOVE HEAVENLY!!!!!!!! ROCKON!!!!!
