Any band members like me?

Yipeyaihoo, Rahvin strikes back. Every time that he posts somethig I can feel, smell, hear, taste and touch the silence in the board, and after a while, there are some echoes of ppl expressing their agreement or astonishment. Yep, my pride lets me to express my agreement too (thank you, pride, for your support).

What can I say about the Rahvin's "Anthology of Love", after all? Some things, though. Long were the years that passed for the psichology studying the human wishes, the will, and all related to the human patterns of the behavior. Isn't easy to extract a valid theory to explain them, specially in the love field. And only the conditions talked about themselves: everybody need to feel loved and everybody wants to love, don't matter the culture, race or countries.

Some scientists doctored in psichology concluded that there's something related to our common sex instinct, based in a part in that animal behavior. The scientists don't give us the absolute truth, but obviusly they have passed years observing and studying, so it seems the most objective way to put our sight. Anyway, there were so many theories about this fact that became an issue indeed, but none was the synthesis everybody expected. (You can look for the theory of the homeostasis and many more, or even there are some chaotic theories, but they are so unusual and less strict, though).

The fact is, and this is the point, the three pieces of cake in which I divided (in a too general way) the love we can recieve, are needed depending on the culture, the country, the race... but the 90% on the person and his lacks. As Rahve said, the three parts are differents, of course, but all so needed for us.

Another important point: that three pieces of cake (I'm hungry, aaargh!), despite are needed by equal, the trascendence of each one has a variability depending on the age. The soulmate is so important when you're a teenager, but when you're 50 maybe it isn't so.

Finally, Rahvin said something I believe too: the "soulmate" is an important fact of life, and everyone seems to found their lives on it. "When you get married, all is done". I hate that idea, it's not that way for me. I feel I need someone by my side, and there is nobody 'cos nobody diserve it, I'm looking for some intelligence to interactuate with!!! And then, there are a lot of things to do, hidden treasures to found...

@Rahvin: How many years did you pass studying english?


|ngenius (posting his thoughts fast 'cos today was a hard day, excuse me for the boring introduction)
 
Originally posted by Siren
b) Is it indeed so good if the person you share your life with is also your best friend? What if you lose this person (eg break up)? You lose both your partner and your best friend. Doesn't sound very good to me....

This is something that can't be labeled as generally good or bad..it is something quite personal,one has a different opinion on that...
So everything that follows are personal thoughts,some may share it some not...

hmmmm first of all I don't think we are the ones who determine who we will have as best-friend...such things come naturally,just like love does...you don't know exactly how it happens but you find yourself caring for the other person...

Don't get me wrong and don't take it personal..but i think such a thought sounds a bit selfish...
I can't believe that a person who deeply loves his/her mate will ever try to put things in a scale and measure what's better for himself/herself,for such people usually think/say "WE" and not "I" ... (careful!! I am refering to people who share their lives due to deep love,not to people who jsut find it cool to have someone by their side)....when people fall in love the fact whether they will be just partners or both best friends and partners is somehow decided by itself,i mean it comes naturally...If people feel really comfortable with each others they will probably be good friends,too...

I don't know...this is a personal matter...for me love and deep friendship with the one seem to be mutually
connected..i can't seperate them..it has probably to do with the fact that i am very very selective...Just like I don't like going out with people I consider just acquaintances,I don't waste
myself on relationships that are doomed to last one week,i can't imagine myself being with someone just for fun..and therefore i can't imagine myself giving my love to someone i don't consider special...
Considering the fact that I give it all to the person i consider my special one,i can't imagine myself having secrets from him or sharing more of my thoughts with other people than with him or keeping myself somehow shut..This is the way i am...it comes naturally...
And to take it a bit further..i can't imagine myself in the future living with somebody,spending my whole life,sharing roof,food and money,having kids etc etc and don't trust him fully or not considering as the person i can share everything with... Wtf if he is not my best friend,the person i can share all my deep thoughts,feeling even my slightest stupid thoughts with and generally not the person i will have DEEP communication with,then what will i have him for?? just for sex,kids and like a simple friend i can go out and have some fun?? hell no...i'd rather be on my own...

I won't say friends come and go,but i have the feeling that in the very end and while people and times change IF THERE IS LOVE
only the one will be by your side,simply because having a common route you will have will have faced and gone through the
changes together...

I can't really understand your point,probably because it is again a matter
of personal decision one has to take...

Ok,maybe i sounded naive, but i don't think this is really naivety... I am aware that these things don't apply in meaningless relationships,relationships like "ok,i just want to have
a cool time","let's have some fucks and then part" (don't deny it such people exist).. I was talking about the case where one has founds the person he/she considers to be his special one,his other half,the person he/she wants to spend his life with...In that case you give it all,you don't even question what will happen if/when all this ends...and btw bear in mind that even friendships can end...

I am not unaware that life is unpredictable..i know this very well.. and i know that even the best of relationships can die with time,people can part with the years,they may even die.. But if you
go on with a relationship doubting about it,then you don't let yourself free to experience everything love can give...generally i think that it is worth to experience such things in life,even if in the very end you might find yourself crushed...maybe the worst will happen,maybe not…you can never know.. friendships die,love dies,people die, one's career maybe get ruined ...One should be unaware of that and take his/her decisions…I believe that for some things it is worth to risk ….
 
@|ng: Just a wild guess, i think and hope i'm wrong, but give it a thought for a minute or two: could it be that you are underestimating other people or overestimating yourself, and thus not giving them a chance to prove they deserve to be by your side?

@Mel: You have a point saying it all comes naturally and i agree with it. It was not my intention to suggest that someone should hold back or anything, i was just trying to point out the not-so-bright side of it.
I'm a bit confused these days and i can't tell much on the one subject, but i _will_ say that one might meet more than one people (of the opposite sex) in his/her life with which he/she can relate deeply and establish a deep bond and connection. He/she might even feel a kind of love for those people. As i said i'm a bit confused and this makes my confused mind to pose the following question: in this case, what makes one choose that one of those people is the other half, whereas the rest are just friends? Guess attraction is the answer.... Nah, don't mind me, just thinking out loud :)
 
@Siren: Ohhh, no time to discuss it here, but I think the word "diserve" isn't the right one. Get the point, my sweet siren: I found nobody good for my taste in my life, but that doesn't mean it couldn't change, you know how positive I am. It's all I wanted to say. :)

@|ngenius: I think "hidden treasures to BE found" is the correct way, though. :loco:


|ngenius (the only man who corrects himself)

|ngenius bis (who needs somebody to love, but isn't the best problem in the world, in his opinion)
 
well giving lessons on love is not what I think I have in mind. Specially when somebody here has already said what I think!

But at least I can assure that not always you can measure your love just when it ends.....At least not for me. I'm strangely cold on this issue! I had a relationship, my BIG ONE relationship since it lasted for more than 5 years! And even I knew somehow I was not giving myself away, I had some restrictions sometimes, felt pressed and sometimes felt awful for some feelings!
Still I was in love and wanted it to last forever. Suddenly everything went wrong...and I felt I was about to die! Oh and yeap Siren, she was my best friend and lost her completely. But I managed to go on....I mean, there's no other way. I knew it then, so I wasn't about to die! Just depressed.
As for now I'm retaking my love...I'm like mel here, I was offered to start some kind of "have fun now, forget tomorrow" relationships and I just denied them. But as for now I feel deeeeep in love and I'm still enough cold to know how am I feeling, to know what am I risking, and even to know how bad I'll feel if this doesn't work. I'm proud I have not taken into consideration my past experience and so I can give myself totaly. I've got my fears there too of course, but won't let them haze my mind!
So actually rahvin, love is not a thing we look for desperately...At least not me, my only fear was to end my life alone, not to end my life without love. Even more, I didn't want this to happen to me, I was just about to cut it before I got deeper in love, but I couldn't help it. Sometimes you get hooked by someone and even you have many differences you just start feeling the utter need to hug her/him and share everything with him/her!

As for sirens decission....don't know, never been in that trouble, I just have found three ladies in my life which I felt I'd love to be with, one is history now, the other one is married and the other one is actually giving me her love! I can't be more thankful! And yep I think the same about |ngenius.

fathervic (just little adds on what all of you have already stated)
 
@|ngenius: i quite liked your intro, after all you were talking about me.:D
- sex drive: i thought about mentioning this in my first reply, but then dismissed it because ppl would have got the wrong idea. i know it's easier, in a way, to drop the fact (god's truth, btw) that all our struggles for getting together are so desperate because of some well-grounded anthropological/biological structures. for instance, it's scientific that families have developed among humans because the female of the species can't fend for herself during the last 2-3 months of pregnancy, which is the consequence of the human baby being born with a head already the size to host a brain large enough to support rational thinking, which in turn is the reason for us being so preminent on this planet.
but this tends to be seen as denying feelings and reducing everything to a bio-chemistry matter, which is something i don't want to look like doing anyway, since i reckon feelings are really important and meaningful.

@mel: i liked the first part of your post, but i really, really can't relate with the emphasis you (among other ppl) seem to put on the dreaded mr. right expression. it looks like in the world there would be either one soulmate for each of us, and everybody's happy, or meaningless sex-based relationships where everybody's wrong.
i really don't think this is a good photograph of reality or anything close to how i for one would like it to be. there's tons of ppl out there involved in "ok, i just wanna have a cool time" relationships, and there is no rule to say they are meaningless just because they don't support the golden "love forever" law.

rahvin.
 
I knew true love; it's a bit noisy, but nice:D
Ok, no jokes. I loved a boy as much as possible, I'm glad I had this relationship. Now I'm not searching for a new true and deep love, I just want babies!!!! The father has to love metal, of course and to play metal, but ... a little far from me and my children.
 
Originally posted by serenla
I knew true love; it's a bit noisy, but nice:D

so, sort of like true metal, except for the nice part. :rolleyes:



Originally posted by serenla

Ok, no jokes. I loved a boy as much as possible, I'm glad I had this relationship. Now I'm not searching for a new true and deep love, I just want babies!!!!

like some mutual friend pointed out before, you're gonna have plenty no problem if you keep on being so... outspoken, shall we say? ;)



Originally posted by serenla

The father has to love metal, of course and to play metal, but ... a little far from me and my children.

all metalheads are good family men. they won't allow their sons and daughters to be very far away from metal music, ever. :)

rahvin. (pondering the joys of monasteries)
 
@Rahvin: Arf, arf, you're a mind reader? You wanted to say just what I said? Oh, what a poor excuse to get my good ideas! :D Completely agree, all about the human existence can be reduced to a chemistry class, there are many scientific theories I'm afraid to believe!!! But I actually reckon that the feelings, the passion are useful and meaningful things.


|ngenius (Editing his own posts to explain his thoughts better)
 
Of course that may be true for the begining of our social interaction based on families....but not anymore. Or at least we believe so (and with we I mean society). As paradoxal as it can seem, couples don't get married now just to breed....if it was so, then you wouldn't care who you get with, just had to considering it had the wholes in the right places and that's all!!!
Now couples involve in their relationships much more than breeding, is not a reproductive matter anymore, or at least is what homosexual couples say!
I would love to see if Mrs.Cromagnon complained because her husband spent all day with the folks hunting elsewhere while she had to do all the clining and taking care of the kids!!!

fathervic (hopefully evolutive)
 
Originally posted by rahvin
@mel: i liked the first part of your post, but i really, really can't relate with the emphasis you (among other ppl) seem to put on the dreaded mr. right expression. it looks like in the world there would be either one soulmate for each of us, and everybody's happy, or meaningless sex-based relationships where everybody's wrong.
i really don't think this is a good photograph of reality or anything close to how i for one would like it to be. there's tons of ppl out there involved in "ok, i just wanna have a cool time" relationships, and there is no rule to say they are meaningless just because they don't support the golden "love forever" law.

my dear italian friend :)
when i labeled the "ok,let's fuck a bit" relationships as meaningless I by no means implied that it is something wrong or that i go around preaching about love and bugging or criticising people who have such relationships....It was just my personal view on such relationships.I mean i don't consider them as something wrong,they are just something i am not interested in having.It's something i wouldn't do and thus for me as a person and for what i am searching they are meaningless...
just like a great deal of people would consider what i am doing totally meaningless,even utopic....
i don't imply that i am the right one and the rest the wrongs....

i do believe there is only one soulmate...only one that completely and perfectly fill us ....but with that i don't imply that there is just the soulmate and the rest are only for sex....noooo,nothing is black and white,there is always grey... very light one,light,darker etc etc....
but...how many people will sb meet in his/her life?? I mean meet and get to know them quite well?? and of these people how many will show interest in having a relationship? not many really...and soooo if these people are few in number,then it is very likely that only one of them will be really close one's personal definition of "my other half"...
and with that i of course don't imply that the rest of realtionships are crapy...cause if i said sth like i would pure and simple mean that my previous relationship was just crap....which wasn't...even though it got awful in the end....
daaaamn,i can't explain what i mean in a clear way..
hope you understand...
 
Well let me say this my shrew friends!!! Fuck buddys get really boring after awhile, I have had afew, but afew years ago I realized having sex when not in love with the person just sucks. Sure you get your dick wet, but it has no meaning, when you make love its much more emotional and fulfilling then just fucking.

@Mel
If we do have "soul" mates, then the chance of finding them are very slim. I am not going to bring religion into thie(or I hope I dont), but I dont believe in a soul. I jsut think there are people in the world,that may be thousands of miles away, and speak another language, that you can just click with. There are people who fit everything or almost everything you want in a mate,but I do not think it has anything to do with a soul, its just has to do with values,goals,interests,etc,etc.
 
@fathervic: that's exactly why i didn't want to bring up the subject in the first place. :)
i really don't think that marriages and wedding rings are just an instrument to get some sex. that would be rather silly, since there are so many ways to have sex without even talking to the other(s) involved (in fact at times if you say something you spoil it for sure ;) ). i don't even think that things worked like this back when caveman was around. i only wanted to point out that there is a connection between sexual, marital habits and what some of us might feel is just coming from emotions or from the hand of fate. we tend to support the soulmate theory because, in building societies, mankind mostly got monogamic. this doesn't make the feeling less true or important. it might just be nice to know where it comes from.

@mel: it's ok if you just think such relationships are meaningless for you, of course, but still there are some new points that look a little inconsistent to me. hope you don't mind if i spend some time discussing it?
for one, the fact that someone is closer to our likes than someone else might be applied to any number, no matter how high. there will always be some sort of hierarchy with 'what we like best' on top and 'what we like the least' at the bottom. i really don't see how this should foster the soulmate theory: rating your (possible) partners from grade a to grade z doesn't imply that the best one 'fills you perfectly', as you'd put it.

@nicktheclayman: i don't think that having sex without being in love equals having sex without having feelings for your partner. i'd surely frown upon this latter (even though it's as good as anything else as long as everybody involved agrees), whereas i think that if you feel strongly for someone on an emotional level and sex drive is involved, there's nothing vulgar or abusing or unfulfilling or close to the dreaded 'just fucking'.

rahvin.
 
I feel the way Nick does. There are ppl who find emotional-free sex fulfilling at some level, but I believe I would feel kinda "empty" after such experience. Of course there is a lot of sexual images and constructed situations in my head sometimes (what is common for any human being-or just boys??:confused: :rolleyes: ), but in fact after having sex with my girlfriend I want to lay my head on her chest and touch her, whisper nice words (I´m personal here aren´t I?):)

I don´t think I´d be able to do such thing with some chick, no matter how good-looking she´d be.
 
@kurt, @nicktheclayman: i was not talking about emotionless sex. i was trying to say sex without love is not the same as sex without emotions. wanting to be cuddled before/afterwards (well, i spared you during as an option ;) ) is something very sweet and it comes natural to the best of us, but - again - is not the same as being in love. just that. i wouldn't think for a second of having sex with someone just because she's good looking or generally attractive. that doesn't make me (us?) right/wrong anyway, it's a matter of sensitivity.

rahvin.
 
Originally posted by Kurt
I believe I would feel kinda "empty" after such experience.

well that's the point....feeling "empty" ;)
nah, now seriously....I'm with you...just haven't been succesfully trying to have sex with someone I didn't love...even when I had been asked for it...