ATTN: Toby

[mindspell]

The review is now online so you can stop emaling me constantly now

http://www.mindspell.org/site/modules.php?name=Reviews&rop=showcontent&id=455

 

[Demonspell]

Great review, especially regarding The Manifold Curiosity, which I agree has the most adventurous arrangements on the album...would have liked to see a composition chart for that one (and the other three, of course.)

 

[xfer]

points for "aplomb"

 

[mindspell]

You really shouldn't, did I, at least, used it in the correct way in english?

Also, anybody feel free to point me to any awkward structures, grammatical mistakes, typos or else. English is a second language and I am obviously not perfect

 

[FalseTodd]

Feels correct to me.


Very nicely written review.

 

[xfer]

oh man mindspell you just opened yourself way up. i've an editor's eye.

"The album starts with the song Marathon, that, as the title indicates starts with a bang then slowly moves forward, but always forward, keeps a decent pace in the middle and goes towards an agonizing yet beautiful ending miles away."

is awkwardly structured. you could improve it somewhat by removing the first comma and inserting a comma after "indicates", and changing "keeps/goes" to "keeping/going":

"The album starts with the song Marathon that, as the title indicates, starts with a bang then slowly moves forward, but always forward, keeping a decent pace in the middle and going towards an agonizing yet beautiful ending miles away."

it's still weird but it's more correct.

ok, I'll stop now.

 

[goatschool]

mindspell, "vinyls". that's the only thing i can anticipate before the reading the review. which will be lovely, of course.

 

[FalseTodd]

I would've said "...moves slowly but continually forward..." or something to that effect. Repetition of any word (aside from 'a' or 'of' or 'the', etc) inside of sentences, or even in consecutive sentences, always bugs me. It can be used effectively for emphasis, and I guess you could make a case for that here, but it wouldn't have been my choice.

 

[xfer]

yeah, but that's an aesthetic criticism. i was strictly grammarizing and structurizing. i wouldn't have used "going/goes" as a verb, either, aesthetically.

 

[mindspell]

Xfer: Please don't stop. I am trying to learn here. If I wasn't able to take criticism I wouldn't have posted the nor would I have asked for corrections.

It seems that a lot of people hereare english, journalism majors or just good writers. Not exactly an easy crowd yet I posted the damn thing anyway.

Goatschool: Where did I do that typo again? I always do that typo...

 

[mindspell]

Anybody want the job of review editor?

 

[minxnim]

guys mindspell is nice. be nice and help mindspell. thank you.

 

[xfer]

i was an english major, and my single natural talent is for spotting typos and errors and stuff, so i probably should be a professional editor. i guess being a high-school english teacher will be fine, though; my kids' papers are going to be heavily red-marked.

i can't devote the time to actually scour it, but on a glance i see that you have "Leaving you Body Map" instead of "Leaving Your Body Map", and also:

"but on this one they seem to take center stage in some parts of the song, and add a nice musique concrète atmosphere to the song."

no comma necessary there. and in the following line, "seems" instead of "seem".

"This one uses sound manipulation in a very similar way Fly Pan Am did on the latest, electronics just weave around the analogue sounds in perfect harmony to add rather than distract"

semicolon instead of comma, and you could add a comma after "add" if you wish, but it's not necessary (I don't think).

" is one of their trademark, this one part would have fitted "

trademarkS. also, change the comma to a period, and capitalize the T in "this". "fit" instead of "fitted".



there's more but i lost patience! sorry!

 

[mindspell]

You lazy bum!

Seriously, thank you.

 

[TheNewChupe]

"A semicolon, you dolt!"

(btw, i was a math major so if you ever feel the need to put an abstract algebra proof in a review, call me.)

 

[mindspell]

I have done abstract algebra and I do not want to see another equation of that ever. Worst class of my degree...

 

[Josh'sRoommate]

who needs a degree, anyway?

 

[avi]

my dad got straight As through high school and college except for one class: abstract math. he hated it. and he was a physics major, too.

 

[goatschool]

mindspell i'm teasing. in a way that only americans can.

 

[goatschool]

xfer you’re using inch marks, rather than proper quotes.