Best movie of 2009?
- Thread starter Karmic
- Start date
guitarguru777
Member
the best movies of 2009 will be the horrifically fail version of Nightmare on Elm Street produced by Michael "I blow shit up" Bay ..... The article in question
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Nightmare On Elm Street was a decent enough film, but there's one thing it lacked - loads of dull 50-minute exploding car chases soundtracked by endless Linkin Park songs.
But it's OK, because Michael Bay has decided to produce a new Nightmare On Elm Street movie, so we're sure that'll be rectified shortly.
And if we cross our fingers really tight, maybe the new Nightmare On Elm Street will feature a new version of Freddy Krueger who breakdances and speaks in childish Ebonics because he learnt how to communicate through the internet. Fun!
If there's one thing that Michael Bay loves, it's picking something you liked as a child, throwing it on the floor in front of you and smashing up under his foot, laughing and pointing at you as it happens. That's what happened when Michael Bay turned Transformers into a knockabout teen comedy featuring at least two piss jokes and an ending that showed some giant robots staring at two teenagers having sex on top of another robot.
But that's just the tip of the Michael Bay iceberg - his movie Pearl Harbour was so bad that we expect it angered any old US veterans who saw it for sullying their pleasant memories of the brutal atrocity. And Bad Boys II must rank alone as the only thing in history to make people nostalgic for the good old days of Bad Boys I.
And now Michael Bay has decided to work his special kind of magic over Nightmare On Elm Street, the daddy of the slasher movie that made an icon out of a pancake-faced murderer in a Pete Doherty hat. Hollywood Today reports:
Fans who thought the “Nightmare on Elm Street” was over better think again. Production companies Platinum Dunes and New Line, which established itself as a hit-maker after the initial success of the first “Nightmare,” are hoping to breathe new life into the series… With the on-going WGA strike, no scribes are signed-on to the new project, but producers Michael Bay, Brad Fuller, and Andrew Form revealed that their intent is to uncover the history behind Krueger.
That's great - the history behind Freddy Krueger. It'll be just like that witless Halloween remake from last year, then. Maybe we'll discover that Freddy Krueger went bad because he was bullied at school, or because his little sister consistently got a better age at Wii Sports than him. These are the precise things that drive people to murder and rape, after all.
But kudos to Michael Bay for deciding to remake it. Because it'll certainly be challenging for him to ruin a film that's already been ruined by seven increasingly shit sequels. So Michael Bay is really going to have to pull his thumb out if he wants to properly destroy everyone's memory of Nightmare On Elm Street properly. After all, he's got this to contend with.
===================================================
Nightmare On Elm Street was a decent enough film, but there's one thing it lacked - loads of dull 50-minute exploding car chases soundtracked by endless Linkin Park songs.
But it's OK, because Michael Bay has decided to produce a new Nightmare On Elm Street movie, so we're sure that'll be rectified shortly.
And if we cross our fingers really tight, maybe the new Nightmare On Elm Street will feature a new version of Freddy Krueger who breakdances and speaks in childish Ebonics because he learnt how to communicate through the internet. Fun!
If there's one thing that Michael Bay loves, it's picking something you liked as a child, throwing it on the floor in front of you and smashing up under his foot, laughing and pointing at you as it happens. That's what happened when Michael Bay turned Transformers into a knockabout teen comedy featuring at least two piss jokes and an ending that showed some giant robots staring at two teenagers having sex on top of another robot.
But that's just the tip of the Michael Bay iceberg - his movie Pearl Harbour was so bad that we expect it angered any old US veterans who saw it for sullying their pleasant memories of the brutal atrocity. And Bad Boys II must rank alone as the only thing in history to make people nostalgic for the good old days of Bad Boys I.
And now Michael Bay has decided to work his special kind of magic over Nightmare On Elm Street, the daddy of the slasher movie that made an icon out of a pancake-faced murderer in a Pete Doherty hat. Hollywood Today reports:
Fans who thought the “Nightmare on Elm Street” was over better think again. Production companies Platinum Dunes and New Line, which established itself as a hit-maker after the initial success of the first “Nightmare,” are hoping to breathe new life into the series… With the on-going WGA strike, no scribes are signed-on to the new project, but producers Michael Bay, Brad Fuller, and Andrew Form revealed that their intent is to uncover the history behind Krueger.
That's great - the history behind Freddy Krueger. It'll be just like that witless Halloween remake from last year, then. Maybe we'll discover that Freddy Krueger went bad because he was bullied at school, or because his little sister consistently got a better age at Wii Sports than him. These are the precise things that drive people to murder and rape, after all.
But kudos to Michael Bay for deciding to remake it. Because it'll certainly be challenging for him to ruin a film that's already been ruined by seven increasingly shit sequels. So Michael Bay is really going to have to pull his thumb out if he wants to properly destroy everyone's memory of Nightmare On Elm Street properly. After all, he's got this to contend with.
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