Reign in Acai
Of Elephant and Man
The Best of Tila Tequila
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Vol. 2
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Vol. 3
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Volume 4
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So here is my drummer Scott
We had a big fucking robitussin, nyquil, ******zine, pepto bismol bash this past friday. After reading numerous velvet cacoon interviews, aswell as testimonials from this very board, I told my daring friend about the results stemming from the sexy syrup sloshing endeavors. Being the evil kanievil that he is, he chugged down an entire bottle of nyquil with such ferocity that I thought he o.d'ed. I then got scared, so I called my friends Kim Chee And Sim Wong to come over and look after Scott. Upon arrival scott was in a daze but slowly converting towards a transcendental nirvana. He prompted our asians chums to take a swig.
SleeeeeeeeeeeeepOVER!
Scott starting make a snowangel in the bed sheets. Sim Wong didnt feel the effects of the first shot. Other than noticing that her gruff cough that has been hindering her breathing for quite a many week, was suddenly absent from her vault of asian mannerisms! A jibbering Scott then slowly got back up to his feet and decided, we need to take this up a notch. Sim Wong then shot back 2/3 rds of the bottle and chased it with some Evian.
Not wanting to be left out of the mix. My Bass Player "Chadrath" decided to join in on the halloween fun!
All in all it was a good time to be had. I didn't have any myself. I didn't want to fall under the bimbo, drug addicted, rocker girl stereo type. But hey, it did seem like fun. So never say never I suppose? Oh what happened to Scott you ask? He got so wasted, he confessed that he also likes dudes! And even more trippy! He confessed to having a crush on "Chadrath". Hmmm I don't know. Business and pleasure dont mix.
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Vol. 2
I would just like everyone to know that my band has decided to come to terms with our second release "Bound by Bitch Wax" due to be released in the first quarter of 07. It has been rough lately as my bass player "Deter" hasn't been getting along with my drummer "Jean". But we seem to have smoothed out all the rough edges of hostility.
I just came here to tell Adrian, thanks for the advice. Last month you really helped me get through some rough times with my boyfriends. And you were right all along about them just wanting to get in my vietwomanese panties. That's all men seem to care about, SEX SEX SEX. Life is so much more than just rough love with John Madden's voice piercing the atmosphere of a woman's sanctitity of wholesome horizontalization. Needless to say I kicked those bitches to the curb and found my self someone really special. No no no I haven't gone butch in my darkest hour. But I have found a certain someone who listens to my feelings. Someone I can share my deepest darkest emotions with. Someone who makes me want to FLY!!! We haven't messed around sexually yet, and that's why I come here Adrian. You haven't been on myspace lately, and once again I need advice from a man who knows what "giving" in to a partners requests is all about.
I just would like to know if you think two woman could platonically exist in a relationship forever and forever xoxoxo.??!?? I think sex has been the cause of my downfall all along. Sure I've munched a couple carpets in my time, who hasn't? But this girl is just too important for me to lose in a sea of hot passionate taco tonguing. She's beautiful and I loved to Pyonggang her, but at this current junction, it just doesn't feel right!!! The problem is, she seems to think were ready!!! It's only been 10 days!!!
Please Advise!
Oh and here's her pic, tell me what you think.
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Vol. 3
It all started around 4pm PT last friday, when my period became officially tardy. I usually have a ritual for the whole ovulating process. I dim the lights, set up some incense, put on some rockin tunes by Trust Company and just sit their watching it bleed. Bleeding Through can actually thank me for their catchy moniker. (Hi Trev, if you're out there) Well anywho, I sat there in wait, in a puddle of my own desperation, as I watched the only thing eminate from my potpourris scented snatchufagn, being a dribble of pee that I didn't wipe free, before I applied the "Always" with wings to my nether regions of chastity defiled. I continued sitting there in sedentary seclusion waiting for my lipids to drip a drop of red gold, to no avail.
Some Backstory
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2 weeks ago I attended an art show in Sicily. It was the world premier of an up and coming artist from Milan who goes by the name of Susan Perian. (The name sounds Armenian, but I'm not certain)
To make a long story short, I am introduced to this socially awkward, yet mildly talented dame of the night. Who in turn, introduces me to one of the men in the picture that I hotlinked from the Sicilian Art Heritage Foundation's Website below.
I took this mystery man back to my room in an inebriated state of disarray. Next thing I know, he has flung me on to the bed with the authority of a level 51 blood elf looking to redeem his fallen brother Brocas. And with the ferocity of the steeds that pull Odin's chariot across the shore of Minnetonka, he spreaded my pad thai thighs apart and inserted his shelless turtle in to my aqueduct of asian seasoning. In and out, In and Out, with rapid fire precision double bass thrusts, he plundered my sashimi...That's all I remember.
So I come to you all now, a woman with nowhere to turn. I am clueless on who is the seed reaper. It may of been the bastard child of that fellow tully and that junkie derick, who you can clearly see walking amongst the crowd with a suave swagger sporting a PBR. Or it may have been the young lad to the right, whose portrait came out as blurry as my Home Pregnancy Test. I am not quite sure. All I know is that this child can not be a bastard!!! If I am to forsake my band for this love child, he must have a father!!!
Please help me!!
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Volume 4
Adrian, were you too busy to answer my phone calls?!?! I had a feeling that the blurry young man on the right was you. You've tried really hard over the past several months to change your image. You with your "look at me, look at me hairdo", who are you trying to be, Chaka Kahn?!? That hairdo, along with the Jim the Anvil Neidhart goatee is not fooling anyone. I'm six weeks pregnant Adrian. Stretch marks are starting to appear on my belly, resembling some Nasa snap shot of a dried martian riverbed. Do you know what it is like to wake up every morning so nauseated, you feel as though you were pinoyed by half a dozen loompias, with nobody but your roadie Marcus to assist with the two in the morning Haagen Daaz runs? Do you have any idea at all?!?!?
Look at what you have done to my hips!!!
I thought I was foolish to think that a guy would actually like me for who I am as a person. The 7 months of myspace corresponding made me drop my guard towards men like you. I posted long ago that I was done with being the grand marshall of the promiscious parade. But for one night, and one night only I dropped my guard and my bottoms in anticipation that a quick pyonggang would lead to post coital comfort. And it did! You proved yourself to be a gentleman on that fateful night of Sept. 16th. Oh you held me, you held me as if the sun were never to rise again. You and I were one, like two sheets in the wind, carelessly drifting along under an autumn breeze. Little did I know that you would not answer my phone calls, emails, and nextel chirps. How could you Adrian!?!?!? Did you know how close I came to giving up this child?!? I've been contemplating it for weeks on end. I was confused to who the father was. I became so distraught from your lack of ethics, that I went to Cara DeAngelis ' art show and had sex with everyone and anyone, with one gentleman in particular baring your likeness. I then realized that there was nothing between us, that it was all a farce. A gigantic charade to conquer my asian landscape with your mongolian barbecue. And then you disappeared...
After weeks of hiding from your responsibilites as a man, I knew you would come back from your alleged "vacation", and give away your hand. As much as you would like for me to get an abortion, it is not happening honey. I've made more than enough money off my musical projects to raise this kid alone. But uh uhh, don't think for one solitary minute of your insignificant life that I am going to let you walk away that easy!!! See Adrian Dear, I'm holding all the cards. You want to walk away from this child? You want to walk away from this hollywood lifestyle which I offered you? You want to walk away from us!??!?! WHO THE HELL IS SHE?!?!?! You're playing with fire, and you're going to get burned!!! See you in court!!
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