"If god had intended us not to masturbate he would have made our arms shorter."
"The reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."
"Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity."
"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things."
"Just because you got the monkey off your back does not mean the circus has left town."
"If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?"
I dont have pet peeves I have major psychotic fucking hatreds!
Have you ever noticed that their stuff is shit and your shit is stuff?
No one knows whats next, but everybody does it.
If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?
Have you noticed that most of the women who are against abortion are women you wouldnt want to fuck in the first place? Theres such balance in nature.
I love and treasure individuals as I meet them; I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.
What year did Jesus think it was?
In America, anyone can become president. Thats the problem.
The planet is fine. The people are fucked
Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself.
Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin ready to hang himself.
Meow means woof in cat
I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
I have as much authority as the Pope. I just dont have as many people who believe it.
It isnt fair: the caterpillar does all the work, and the butterfly gets all the glory.
Whoever coined the term Buyer Beware was probably bleeding from the asshole.
Heres a bumper sticker Id like to see: We are the proud parents of a child whos self-esteem is sufficient that he doesnt need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
"The reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."
"Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity."
"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things."
"Just because you got the monkey off your back does not mean the circus has left town."
"If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?"
I dont have pet peeves I have major psychotic fucking hatreds!
Have you ever noticed that their stuff is shit and your shit is stuff?
No one knows whats next, but everybody does it.
If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?
Have you noticed that most of the women who are against abortion are women you wouldnt want to fuck in the first place? Theres such balance in nature.
I love and treasure individuals as I meet them; I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.
What year did Jesus think it was?
In America, anyone can become president. Thats the problem.
The planet is fine. The people are fucked
Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself.
Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin ready to hang himself.
Meow means woof in cat
I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
I have as much authority as the Pope. I just dont have as many people who believe it.
It isnt fair: the caterpillar does all the work, and the butterfly gets all the glory.
Whoever coined the term Buyer Beware was probably bleeding from the asshole.
Heres a bumper sticker Id like to see: We are the proud parents of a child whos self-esteem is sufficient that he doesnt need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
