hah, my grandfather came straight off the boat from Italy, but whenever im asked what I am, I say American. Even when someone is trying to convince me that im half Italian I argue that I'm 100% American. and I am. I was born in the USA by my parents who were both born in the USA.
And for the people that like to push me to say that im not from this country originally... well my Great Grandmom was 100% Cherokee, so they can kiss my ass.
You = awesome. Dude, I'm 100% American wanker, but I happen to live in Italy because I prefer Italy to returning to the states, and having a wife and house here helps too. Every time someone in the US says they're Italian because they're great - grandparents came over on the boat makes me want to shake my head in disgust. Usually, they have no idea about Italy except for what they've seen on the fucking Sopranos and any American-Italian bastardized words or phrases they know are from a fucking movie they saw or they just remember what they ate at that joke of an Italian restaurant called Olive Garden. It kinda goes along with what the guy said about Americans going to Scotland and blathering on about their "heritage". So, if any of you fall in this category, here's a few helpful hints if you ever travel to Italy:
1. You are not Italian. Your great grandparents may have been Italian 80 years ago, and guess what that makes you: nothing.
2. The Sopranos don't speak Italian. Whenever they do utter a nugget of something resembling Italian, they are speaking a bastardized American version of Napolitano, with the exception of the guy that actually was from Napoli, in which they spoke real Napolitano. But guess what!!!! NAPOLITANO IS NOT ITALIAN!!! IT'S FUCKING DIALECT!!!! That also goes for anyone from Sicily, anyone from Calabria, Sardinia, and Veneto! The "language" that those wannabe Italians commit to memory by watching the same mafia movies over and over is all bullshit and grammatically incorrect 90% of the time. You. Are. Not. Italian. By the way, Italians don't give a fuck about the Sopranos. I love the show, but let's be realistic...it's entertainment. It's realistic in the portrayal of AMERICAN mafia, not ITALIAN mafia.
3. Fettucini Alfredo is about as Italian as a Big Mac, and Olive Garden is about as Italian as McDonald's. That goes for ziti and spaghetti and meatballs too. They don't exist in Italy. If you want to eat real Italian food, come to Italy.
4. Italy is not just spaghetti, pizza, and mafia...you'd know this if you opened those things called books.
5. If you come to Italy, you better speak Italian. You know how everyone says that if you come to the US, you'd better speak English if you're going to take my order at McDonald's? Guess what. Now YOU'RE the Mexican. I'm still studying to this day...'tis a hard language.
6. Italians don't care when you say how much nicer things are in the US. It's not that they don't like it; they just don't care. So stop saying it. They're happy to be able to walk down the street and not have to carry a gun or worry about being shot, stabbed, mugged, raped, or killed on a daily basis.
7. Adding an "uh", "ah", or "oh" after every word isn't speaking Italian.
8. On the contrary, Italians don't add an "uh", "ah", or "oh" after every word they speak in English. I don't give a shit what Mario or Luigi says.
9. Yes, Italians do shave.
10. Just because you wear something Prada, Armani, or Canali doesn't mean you automatically know everything about Italian fashion. Most people here could give less than a shit about those things...unless you're in Veneto, LOL!
There you have it. The layman's guide to Italian travel. Now be happy you're American, English, Scottish, Irish, or Australian...I am!