Captain Beard
No longer active
- Sep 6, 2001
- 28,010
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Americans? Where? I thought they all drove SUVS and hide from the sun.
You = awesome. Dude, I'm 100% American wanker, but I happen to live in Italy because I prefer Italy to returning to the states, and having a wife and house here helps too. Every time someone in the US says they're Italian because they're great - grandparents came over on the boat makes me want to shake my head in disgust. Usually, they have no idea about Italy except for what they've seen on the fucking Sopranos and any American-Italian bastardized words or phrases they know are from a fucking movie they saw or they just remember what they ate at that joke of an Italian restaurant called Olive Garden. It kinda goes along with what the guy said about Americans going to Scotland and blathering on about their "heritage". So, if any of you fall in this category, here's a few helpful hints if you ever travel to Italy:
1. You are not Italian. Your great grandparents may have been Italian 80 years ago, and guess what that makes you: nothing.
2. The Sopranos don't speak Italian. Whenever they do utter a nugget of something resembling Italian, they are speaking a bastardized American version of Napolitano, with the exception of the guy that actually was from Napoli, in which they spoke real Napolitano. But guess what!!!! NAPOLITANO IS NOT ITALIAN!!! IT'S FUCKING DIALECT!!!! That also goes for anyone from Sicily, anyone from Calabria, Sardinia, and Veneto! The "language" that those wannabe Italians commit to memory by watching the same mafia movies over and over is all bullshit and grammatically incorrect 90% of the time. You. Are. Not. Italian. By the way, Italians don't give a fuck about the Sopranos. I love the show, but let's be realistic...it's entertainment. It's realistic in the portrayal of AMERICAN mafia, not ITALIAN mafia.
3. Fettucini Alfredo is about as Italian as a Big Mac, and Olive Garden is about as Italian as McDonald's. That goes for ziti and spaghetti and meatballs too. They don't exist in Italy. If you want to eat real Italian food, come to Italy.
4. Italy is not just spaghetti, pizza, and mafia...you'd know this if you opened those things called books.
5. If you come to Italy, you better speak Italian. You know how everyone says that if you come to the US, you'd better speak English if you're going to take my order at McDonald's? Guess what. Now YOU'RE the Mexican. I'm still studying to this day...'tis a hard language.
6. Italians don't care when you say how much nicer things are in the US. It's not that they don't like it; they just don't care. So stop saying it. They're happy to be able to walk down the street and not have to carry a gun or worry about being shot, stabbed, mugged, raped, or killed on a daily basis.
7. Adding an "uh", "ah", or "oh" after every word isn't speaking Italian.
8. On the contrary, Italians don't add an "uh", "ah", or "oh" after every word they speak in English. I don't give a shit what Mario or Luigi says.
9. Yes, Italians do shave.
10. Just because you wear something Prada, Armani, or Canali doesn't mean you automatically know everything about Italian fashion. Most people here could give less than a shit about those things...unless you're in Veneto, LOL!
There you have it. The layman's guide to Italian travel. Now be happy you're American, English, Scottish, Irish, or Australian...I am!
What I really dislike is when Americans carry non-American flags of any description. AND it REAAAAAAAAALLLY grates us when they come visit and talk about their Scottish/Irish heritage. In short: NO, YOU'RE FUCKING AMERICAN, SHUT UP.
Yep.
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10 points to naming the sigs
Italy is awesome. I've been there way too many times for me to even count.
What you listed above though, really refers to idiots with no education.
Everybody knows Italy is more than "spaghetti" or is not liek the Sopranos...
The sopranos are NJ Italian... its as different as east and west......
At any event: Italy rules.
I'll be there again next year when I graduate :Spin:
P.s: my grandmother was Italian. I miss her![]()
I'm Irish and proud of my heritage.What I really dislike is when Americans carry non-American flags of any description. AND it REAAAAAAAAALLLY grates us when they come visit and talk about their Scottish/Irish heritage. In short: NO, YOU'RE FUCKING AMERICAN, SHUT UP.
Really? Where was she from? Where did you travel in Italy? I live in the mountains in the northeast corner but have travelled all over Italy from Rome north. I'm not an expert or anything about Italy, I just understand and know more about it than the average Joe. It's very beautiful in Friuli...very dark, foreboding landscapes. More metalheads in one place than I've ever seen...I think we're influenced by the landscape,. I've been around most of Italy and I prefer Friuli. If Italy were Europe, Friuli would be the equivalent of Scandinavia and that's why I like it so much. You just can't beat the life here...well, maybe you can in Spain, or at least that's what I've heard.
There are a lot of Italians on this board, but most of them are wary of me because I'm American, LOL! After travelling the world, sometimes it really is a pain in the ass to be the scapegoat for others just because we're of the same nationality as our president, whom many people don't like very much. Can't say I blame them, I don't like him either. One time I had a girl get really pissed at me because I was American...that's all. That's like saying that all Germans are shit because of Hitler and all Italians are shit because of Mussolini. Meh...sheep. Usually I keep a low profile here and speak only in Italian when I'm out alone to try and blend in. They don't give a shit if I'm American or not because they're so laid back, but I feel out of place and don't like to draw attention to myself. It's not true that the world hates us or even hates our government...most of the time they're just blathering on about something their friends said and then make up the rest. At least that's what the Communists do here. They are all so "punk" and rebellious driving their parents' Mercedes around Pordenone and living with them until their 35. Here they try to take a stand on something, but then their inherent Italian comes out of them and they just say 'fuck it' and go drink a beer or something. This life is very relaxed and laid back for the most part and it's really funny when you meet radicals handing out propaganda to combat the propaganda that they're against. A quick "Ma vai a cagare!" usually quells the propaganda pushers. It's truly a free country here. I never realized how many freedoms I didn't have in the US until I arrived here.
Hey, if you're ever in this area, let me know! I've got a band and we've got tons of friends in bands in this area that are all super cool and we're at concerts regularly...I think you'd dig it!In fact, my friend's band Raintime is coming to PowerProg in the US next year...they're about to sign a record contract. Lots of metal in Friuli...
I'm Irish and proud of my heritage.