I'd like to take this time to apologize to all the onions I may have offended in the past with my negative attitude and outlook towards their existence. I was young, dumb, and ignorant and I have finally learned the err of my ways. I am truly sorry.
I'm not saying that we're going to best friends now, dear onion, but I do think it's going to be nice to not have to worry about the awkwardness when we run into each other at parties anymore.