Death Of A Soldier

[Valofvalhalla]

Just felt like saying a few things on this day, the one year anniversary of the death of my father. It seems that every year around this time death comes in abundance. Christmas used to mean a lot to me when I was younger. Now, I just can't wait till it's over. Yeah, I know that people say times heals everything, but in the mind it remains eternally. Which emotion shall we deem for the day? They told me that I should be happy that he was taken because he was suffering. WTF? What about me? I'll never forget the night before my dad died...I heard him call outloud, "Mother!" You read about that in articles, about how people on their death bed see their family. It's hard to believe unless you live it.

For everyone here on this weboard that has lost a family member, I will be thinking of you this Christmas Day.

Rock On Soldiers!

To all those who have passed this life
I write these words of grace
Soldiers of fortune you are few
The ones who saved our race.

Death is not sacred
Death my shroud of sorrow
Life without the father I had
Will I see you tomorrow?

A year has passed
The time is at hand
Eternal is my sadness
At your headstone I stand.

Can you hear me call your name
Or hear my thoughts of you
Driving in pain, the thought remains
My inspiration, my love for you.

 

[LIZ METAL]

my father passed away a year ago as well. He had lewkemia....not even for a year before he passed. He was getting better then he was gone. On the road to recovery.....

I prayed to a million Gods to spare him, they did, but only for a night. He died on his 52 birthday. Unfortunately he wasn't concience when he took leave....well i guess it was good if he wasn't feeling any pain. Holidays haven't been the same either. I want them to go by fast, ever faster.

People tell me the same things, that i shouldn't be selfish 'cause now he's not in pain anymore...i have every right to be. I only have one father after all. Ever since my dad's death, my grandpa hasn't been doing too good. He's on an oxygen tank and broke after one of my aunts drained him of $$ and left.

:: sigh ::

 

[coronerox]

Hey Liz......my grandpa is the same way, on a oxygen tank......and unconcious........My Xmas will be at his house, I don't really want to go there to see him like that.....but he is suffering, I know.......don't want to see him the way he is anymore.....And since he will not recover,......Well, you know what I mean.....Anyway......just my opinion.....

 

[HUNGER OF THE UNDEAD]

VAL and LIZ my thoughts are with you both.
I agree VAL about time not necessarily healing all wounds. I dont imagine you can ever truly get over these kinds of losses when you are as close as you apparently were with your dad.
I lost my Nana on christmas day to cancer when I was just 7
and I lost a very close young "metal" brother to cancer 5 years ago, just a couple of short years after I won my own battle with Leukemia....it totally sucks.
I think about that fucker EVERY SINGLE day and always will.
The only thing you can do is continue on, keep their memories alive and try to live your life to its fullest, because thats how theyd want it.

 

[Valofvalhalla]

Originally posted by HUNGER OF THE UNDEAD
VAL and LIZ my thoughts are with you both.
I agree VAL about time not necessarily healing all wounds. I dont imagine you can ever truly get over these kinds of losses when you are as close as you apparently were with your dad.
I lost my Nana on christmas day to cancer when I was just 7
and I lost a very close young "metal" brother to cancer 5 years ago, just a couple of short years after I won my own battle with Leukemia....it totally sucks.

Thank you Hunger. It was hard watching this cancer eat my father away to nothing. I can't imagine losing my mom now. What a tragedy that would be. My mom & dad were married for 45 years. Had to invite her over last night because I knew how hard the day would be for her. About the moving on part, I finally found a way to move through it. Yesterday when I woke up, as I did the minute my father died (it was weird cuz I felt him leave) I watched the clock. I remembered everything I did that day. I walked through every moment and relived it again and to my amazement, the thoughts of that day made me stronger. I felt stronger than I ever had. I think he's helping me move through it, cuz like you said, that's the way that he would want it.

I'm glad that you made it through your ordeal. You must have a strong faith of wanting to live to see life to the fullest. That takes guts. Have a merry Xmas. You deserve it.

 

[LIZ METAL]

Thanks for your thoughts. I hope next year is much more kinder to all of you and your families. HAIL!!!!

 

[Deadly Embrace]

I too, lost my Father last March, unexpectedly(never had the chance for a final good bye), & this is my first set of Holiday's without him. It feels like somethings missing, nothings the same, it's the most distant X-Mass, I've ever had. Life can suck, life's hard, & harder for the people left in Death's Wake. I remember waking up very early the day after my Father passed, I looked up into the early dawn sky, and said, this is the first day that there's no Jack Morgan, on this world. And I literally laughed out loud, but it was an empty laugh...............................the darkest laughter
of my life...................................

 

[Valofvalhalla]

Originally posted by Deadly Embrace
It feels like somethings missing, nothings the same................the darkest laughter
of my life...................................

Someone IS definately missing. You know they say that as long as you keep the memory alive, that is all that matters. I talked to my father on Xmas day, alone, and alone I cried. Luckily, I have Travis, my husband. He always makes me feel better about things.

I'm sorry about your father DE. No one will/ever replace that special bond. I'm glad that you are still here!

Lori

 

[LIZ METAL]

in my opinion....the first set of holidays are akward, the sets that follow are hard to bear. I always expect to be at my step-mom's house and hear my dad's famous laugh or see his towering stature. It's weird 'cause you have to think for a minute, "i wonder where my dad is--oh, that's right...." I always forgot my father was deceased at first.
I was also left with a lot to uphold, in my family i'm the strong one...everyone used my shoulder to cry on but i think my family has only seen me cry a couple of times. I'm not good with letting my emotions flow, i always throw a dam up. I know it is bad, but i know no other way except through my drawings and writings. I have also planned to go to college. My father wanted me to pursue higher education, he told me once that he thought I would be the most succesful out of my siblings. Yea, i've done things since his death that he wouldn't like at all. I regret all that now. Damn how I wish I could change all that......