DOGS

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My dog only poops at home. I had to take her to a kennel for 3 days whilst I went on vacation once. First thing she did (after peeing in the lobby when she saw me) was to run to the backyard and take the biggest canine shit I've ever seen. Because she's a fucking lady.
 
Ha! I should contact that ex-girlfriend on social media and say "hey my dog takes bigger dumps than you" which will be a great topic for our first conversation in over 15 years.
 
And add that that’s the real reason why you left her. (Especially if it was actually her who left you).