Eine andere Geschichte

dont whine pyrus, get in the car and drive an hour north where im at. its way hotter up here. you get that nice sea breeze to cool shit down. bastard.
-neal
 
EVAS, you were about right. The grammar is wrong because of the weird translation. I'll post what I wrote, and what the German back to English was.

There was once a boy named Hans, and Hans really wanted a bunny. He had seen one at the store, named Jack. Hans had begged his mother to let him have Jack for a pet, but she said it was too big of a responsibility for him. But Hans kept asking, and finally she gave in. "Fine, you can get a bunny," she said. "But first, you must agree to perform these three tasks for me." Hans agreed without even considering what terrible tasks his mother might have planned for him.

"The first task," his mother said, "Is to get me the treasure from the pirate ship that is sailing the seven seas. It is the one with the big ominous flag."

So Hans sailed on a sailboat over to the pirate ship. The pirates were very angry, as they did not like strangers coming on to their ships to steal their treasure. But Hans took out his lightsaber and killed all of the pirates. He brought the treasure back to his mother. She was happy that she now had a large amount of treasure, but also a little mad that Hans was one step closer to getting the bunny, Jack.

"Alright," said his mother. "Your next task is to slay the mighty dragon that holds the Princess of Bagels captive." Hans was a little scared, because hundreds of great heroes had died trying to save the Princess of Bagels. However, Hans really wanted to get the bunny, so he snuck up to the cave of the dragon at night. While it was sleeping, he silently tied its neck in a knot. When it woke up, it tried to breathe fire, but ended up burning its own throat. So Hans had completed his second task.

Hans's mother was very upset now. Hans was only one task away from getting Jack the bunny! She knew that she had to think of a very painful task. She went to Hans and said, "For your last task, you must wear a Blink 182 shirt to a Slayer concert."

"Shit!" thought Hans. "I'll never survive at a Slayer concert with a Blink 182 shirt on!" But he wanted Jack the bunny so dreadfully that he decided to go. He wore the Blink 182 shirt, but hid under the stage. He waited until everybody was gone to get up. When he got home, his mother was forced to allow him to buy the bunny.

So Hans and Jack the bunny ran away from Hans's evil mother and lived in a castle on top of a giant marshmallow.

THE END
 
It gave, as soon as a boy called Hans, and a rabbit really wished Hans. He had seen at the memory, had called Jack. Hans had his nut/mother left it to Jack for a domestic animal asked, but it said it was too large of a responsibility for it. But Hans held to ask and finally gave her inside. "finely, you can receive a rabbit," said them. "however first, you must in agreement-be to accomplish these three tasks for me." Hans agreed, without even regarding, which could have planned terrible tasks its nut/mother for it.

"the first task," its nut/mother said, "is, to receive to me the treasure from the Pirat ship the seven seas segelt. It is with the large ominoesen marking sign."

Thus Hans segelte on a Sailboat more rueber to the Pirat ship. The Piraten was very much annoyed, since they the strangers, which concern to their ships, might not, have stolen their treasure. But Hans took out its more lightsaber and killed all Piraten. It got the treasure back to its nut/mother. It was lucky that it had now a large quantity of the treasure, in addition, furious little, which was more naeeher a Hans's step at receiving the rabbit Jack.

"well," its nut/mother said. "your following task is slay the powerful kites, keeps the princess of the Bagel securing." Hans was scared little, because hundreds of the large Heroes trying had died to store the princess of the Bagel. However the Hans's wanted rabbit, thus it snuck up to the cave kites at night to really receive. While it slept, it bound quietly its beginning in a knot. When it woke up, it tried, to breathe fires but terminated up a burning of its own throat. Thus Hans's had accomplished his second task.

Nut/mother Hanss was very now tilted. Hans was only one task away from receiving Jack of the rabbit! She knew that she had to think of a very painful task. It went to Hans and said, "for its last task, you must a shirt of the Blinzelns 182 to a Slayerkonzert carry."

"shit!" Thought Hans. "I survive never at a Slayerkonzert with a shirt of the Blinzelns 182 on!" But it wished the rabbit in such a way to Jack dreadfully that it decided to go. It carried the shirt of the Blinzelns 182, but hid themselves under the stage. It waited, until everyone had gone, in order to rise. When it received head, its nut/mother was forced to permit it the rabbit to buy.

So Hans and Jack, who had the rabbit run away Hanss from the bad nut/mother and in a lock on an enormous eibisch lived. THE END

And that would be the weird Babelfish translation. Nut/mother???