Ewoks vs. Annakin

[JayKeeley]

Assuming Jar Jar has already been forcefed zyklon-B up the rectum, which of these two cunts deserve a similar death? Alternate modes of killing are acceptable, including being dragged along the street by two red necks in a pick up.

Bonus points for explaining briefly why the Ewok was afraid.

 

[NAD]

Remember that thread I made, called "Ewoks kick ass" and the only thing in the first post was FUCK OFF! :Smug:

See here's the thing, I think you're assuming that the Ewoks were just some chumps tacked on at the last minute by Lucas to get the kids merchandising wheel a turnin, but you're wrong! Lucas realizes that even in such an advanced age that Star Wars took place in, there were still primitive places throughout the galaxy just like we have. Take one look at Tatooine, I mean that planet was pretty ass backwards aside from any smugglers and bounty hunters that made their way into Mos Eisley. However, even Luke, Ben, and Veru had a speeder and droids on their humble little dirt farm, so Lucas realized that he didn't have a truly primitive planet in the movies. Hence, Endor was created and the evolution of civilization was shown full circle. :Spin:

 

[JayKeeley]

Remember that thread I made, called "Ewoks kick ass" and the only thing in the first post was FUCK OFF! :Smug:

Truer words have never been spoken.

Hence, Endor was created and the evolution of civilization was shown full circle. :Spin:

I have no problem with Endor -- I like the idea of a forest planet, and of course the speedbike chase is stunning -- and I don't even have a problem with the concept of Ewoks. I'm just against the idea of them being cute teddy bears.

Ewoks should have looked more like this:

Anyway, this is a poll: Annakin vs. Ewok -- you must choose.

 

[Reign in Acai]

Ewoks were quite an advanced bunch.

They even knew how to wipe their own arses!

 

[NAD]

...

Why did this thread disappear when I tried to edit my post? That was reason the whole freakout thread... WTF.

 

[Reign in Acai]

Your thread travelled through the "time continuim". It took an extra nano-second to reach RC's prehistoric database.

 

[NAD]

I guess the Server Ewoks were having a doodoo break.

Duhhh, obviously yeah fucking kill young Anakin. Although nobody, NOBODY in the Star Wars universe sucks complete ass like fucking Jar Jar. uke:

Why was Jar Jar in Episode III? He walked by the camera twice, but didn't have a line. See normally I would be thankful for not hearing his stupid voice, but Lucas STILL PUT HIM IN THE FLICK. Shoulda torched his ass long ago.

 

[JayKeeley]

Why was Jar Jar in Episode III? He walked by the camera twice, but didn't have a line. See normally I would be thankful for not hearing his stupid voice, but Lucas STILL PUT HIM IN THE FLICK. Shoulda torched his ass long ago.

That's Lucas for you. It's a big "fuck you" to the naysayers. He knew he made a mistake with Jar Jar, but will never ever admit it. Removing him completely would be admission of guilt and h0m0sexuality.

Oh, and to add insult to injury, as if slitting your penis open with a rusty razorblade and pouring hot sauce into the newly opened crevice, he ADDS Jar Jar back into the DVD version of Return of the Jedi, IN THE FINAL SEQUENCE.

Once the Empre has fallen, and the rebels celebrate on Endor, Lucas added a sequence to show all the liberated planets celebrating the end of the tyranny....camera pans to Naboo.....and there he is....Jar Jar fucking Binks....standing on a rooftop screaming "WESA FREE! WESA FEEE!".

Roll credits, The End.

Lucas, you complete and utter cunt.

 

[NAD]

Oh, and to add insult to injury, as if slitting your penis open with a rusty razorblade and pouring hot sauce into the newly opened crevice, he ADDS Jar Jar back into the DVD version of Return of the Jedi, IN THE FINAL SEQUENCE.

Once the Empre has fallen, and the rebels celebrate on Endor, Lucas added a sequence to show all the liberated planets celebrating the end of the tyranny....camera pans to Naboo.....and there he is....Jar Jar fucking Binks....standing on a rooftop screaming "WESA FREE! WESA FEEE!".

Roll credits, The End.

Lucas, you complete and utter cunt.

JayKeeley, you know I love you. Sometimes it could even reach beyond platonic, but that's not the issue right now. Anyhow, I don't believe you. Come on man, there is no fucking way. There is no WTF big, loud, or mean enough for such an atrocity. You know, as of last night I was going to buy the DVD trilogy, but there's no way I could spend the cash knowing that that is what's in store for me. Sweet mercificul crap.

 

[Reign in Acai]

 

[NAD]

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*inhales*

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[Tide In Mind Out]

if only!

er...

 

[J.]

Anakin must die.

Ewoks were cool. Like mini-Chewbaccas.

 

[DE]

Ewoks were awesome I love Anakin/Vader as a character, but I disliked the actors who played him in the films. So... Anakin.

 

[Dark One]

Why was Jar Jar in Episode III? He walked by the camera twice, but didn't have a line.

Actually, he did. If you listen closely, he says "Excuse Me", in the same manner he said it at the dinner table sequence of Episode I. And of course this takes nothing away from the fact that he's one of the most deplorable movie characters ever created in the history of cinema.

 

[MajestikMøøse]

This is a no brainer. Ewoks all the way.

 

[Reign in Acai]

Life Sized Satanic Doll Serves As Masturbation Toy For America's Youth

Action Alert!


When Mrs. Tawny Huxton opened her son Timmy's bedroom door, she was shocked to see his innocent white hiney nestled into the new 7ft Jar Jar Binks doll she had bought him for his birthday. Lately, many Americans have suffered similar incidents. Young children are being seduced by the character of George Lucas' latest Star Wars Movie. Jar Jar's soothing voice, and timid childlike manners, seem to lure young teens into a world of lustful abandon. Unsuspecting parents purchase the popular life-size doll, only to find out later that it is being used by the child as a masturbation toy.

Under the guise of family entertainment, Lucas' "Star Wars" prequel has contaminated America's youth with subliminal sexual innuendo. Pastor Ebeneezer Smith of the Landover Baptist Church commented, "The demonic characteristics of the Jar Jar binks creature become obvious when one pays close attention. His forked tongue, his lapping, his malignant features, are all too noticeable to the Christ centered man." Experts who have examined the life-sized doll that has become the favorite 'toy' of 12-14 year old children, say that the evidence is overwhelming. The doll was created for the sole purpose of masturbation. It has four openings, and three extrusions, making it compatible for male or female pleasure.

Members of The Landover Baptist Church are outraged at the Satanic subtlety in which marketing geniuses have moved this horrific abomination into the homes of America's youth. "One Mother was concerned that her young daughter was not interested in boys," a Pastor noted, "she asked her little girl, 'why don't you talk about the cute boys at school?' Her daughter replied, 'oh momma, nobody I know is cuter than Jar Jar Binks.' The mother was horrified."

Landover Baptist Church finds that the only way to resolve this problem is to ban not only life sized Jar Jar Binks dolls from American homes, but to ban any life sized doll. "Any child that has seen this movie is finding that their natural attraction to members of the opposite sex is being replaced with an attraction to a 7ft devil with elephant feet, a 25 inch tongue, polka dot skin, a fish snout, and two phallic eyes that jut out like hard erotic pokers. For the Love of God! If you've got this devil in your house, remove it as soon as possible! [/parody]

 

[JayKeeley]

JayKeeley, you know I love you. Sometimes it could even reach beyond platonic, but that's not the issue right now. Anyhow, I don't believe you. Come on man, there is no fucking way. There is no WTF big, loud, or mean enough for such an atrocity. You know, as of last night I was going to buy the DVD trilogy, but there's no way I could spend the cash knowing that that is what's in store for me. Sweet mercificul crap.

Believe me when I say it's true.

Do NOT get the DVD trilogy. I have the original deluxe trilogy ripped to DVD (don't bother asking for a copy, I've already tried for spaffe, and for some reason they can't be ripped again). Either way, do not get the DVD release.

You might also be interested in knowing that Lucas also replaced the original Annakin Skywalker with Hayden Christiensen (he superimposed one image on top of the other) at the final scene of Jedi when the "ghosts" of Obi Wan, Yoda, and Annakin appear to Luke on Endor.

Again, and I say this with all my man love for you and your future offspring, do NOT get this bastardization that is the DVD release of the original trilogy.

It can be assumed that the TRUE original trilogy will never see the light of day again, which is just sad sad sad.

 

[Tide In Mind Out]

Life Sized Satanic Doll Serves As Masturbation Toy For America's Youth

Action Alert!


When Mrs. Tawny Huxton opened her son Timmy's bedroom door, she was shocked to see his innocent white hiney nestled into the new 7ft Jar Jar Binks doll she had bought him for his birthday. Lately, many Americans have suffered similar incidents. Young children are being seduced by the character of George Lucas' latest Star Wars Movie. Jar Jar's soothing voice, and timid childlike manners, seem to lure young teens into a world of lustful abandon. Unsuspecting parents purchase the popular life-size doll, only to find out later that it is being used by the child as a masturbation toy.

Under the guise of family entertainment, Lucas' "Star Wars" prequel has contaminated America's youth with subliminal sexual innuendo. Pastor Ebeneezer Smith of the Landover Baptist Church commented, "The demonic characteristics of the Jar Jar binks creature become obvious when one pays close attention. His forked tongue, his lapping, his malignant features, are all too noticeable to the Christ centered man." Experts who have examined the life-sized doll that has become the favorite 'toy' of 12-14 year old children, say that the evidence is overwhelming. The doll was created for the sole purpose of masturbation. It has four openings, and three extrusions, making it compatible for male or female pleasure.

Members of The Landover Baptist Church are outraged at the Satanic subtlety in which marketing geniuses have moved this horrific abomination into the homes of America's youth. "One Mother was concerned that her young daughter was not interested in boys," a Pastor noted, "she asked her little girl, 'why don't you talk about the cute boys at school?' Her daughter replied, 'oh momma, nobody I know is cuter than Jar Jar Binks.' The mother was horrified."

Landover Baptist Church finds that the only way to resolve this problem is to ban not only life sized Jar Jar Binks dolls from American homes, but to ban any life sized doll. "Any child that has seen this movie is finding that their natural attraction to members of the opposite sex is being replaced with an attraction to a 7ft devil with elephant feet, a 25 inch tongue, polka dot skin, a fish snout, and two phallic eyes that jut out like hard erotic pokers. For the Love of God! If you've got this devil in your house, remove it as soon as possible! [/parody]

though i must admit, when i was small i had the hots for one of my life sized dolls

 

[Conspicuously Absent]

That's Lucas for you. It's a big "fuck you" to the naysayers. He knew he made a mistake with Jar Jar, but will never ever admit it. Removing him completely would be admission of guilt and h0m0sexuality.

Oh, and to add insult to injury, as if slitting your penis open with a rusty razorblade and pouring hot sauce into the newly opened crevice, he ADDS Jar Jar back into the DVD version of Return of the Jedi, IN THE FINAL SEQUENCE.

Once the Empre has fallen, and the rebels celebrate on Endor, Lucas added a sequence to show all the liberated planets celebrating the end of the tyranny....camera pans to Naboo.....and there he is....Jar Jar fucking Binks....standing on a rooftop screaming "WESA FREE! WESA FEEE!".

Roll credits, The End.

Lucas, you complete and utter cunt.

I vote we kidnap lucas, skin him alive and bury him up to his neck in rock salt.