Fix it.

Kushantaiidan

SPASIBA AX.
Dear Daryl Peoples


My name is Michael Cody I wish to apply for the Part time senior salesperson position at Warehouse Sales as advertised in the Courier on Saturday the 12th.

I beleive that I would be a valuable asset to the company. I find providing good customer service to be very satisfying. I am punctual, motivated, enthusiastic, and I am able to work flexible hours at any time.

I have studied the Bachelor of Engineering/Bachelor of Computing at the University of Ballarat for two years, but I have deferred the course because I am considering a different career and needed a change in direction. I completed my VCE at Sebastopol Secondary College and gained my Certificate III of Information Technology as a VET study. I was involved in many school activities such as the International Student Project, enrichment classes and Student Exchange Programs.

I also took part in a one week work placement at B&D Technologies. My duties included assembly of PCs, software installation, fault analysis and customer service.

I have had previous employment with McDonalds, Sturt St., for 12 months, where I gained valuable experience in customer relations and teamwork and also at Pizza Hut for 8 months where these skills were further improved upon. My recent employment with Bilo allowed me to gain skills in stock handling and ordering, and gave me experience in being in charge of a department. And once again, customer service was a very important part of my job at Bilo.



Additional details of my credentials are outlined in the accompanying resume.

The above position offers a new challenge in field which interests me greatly. I would appreciate the opportunity to meet with you at your earliest convenience and discuss my qualifications. Thank you for taking the time to consider my application.

Yours faithfully



____________________________
(Michael Cody)


Is there anything I can improve on here?
 
:D

Is that it, or are you planning on adding more?

Should make it a forty page essay.. they'll assume you're a completist and hard working :)

Didn't you also work at Woolworths?
 
i've taken a couple of courses in school (college) which covered resume and cover letter writing. maybe i can be of some help?

is this supposed to be just a cover letter, and you'll attach your resume? or is this all you would give them?

from what i have been told (and it's helped me get a couple great jobs), it is better to have a shorter cover letter, which basically just introduces yourself and touch on a few key points that you want to get across. then the resume should expand on these points.

if you still want the help, i'd love to.
let me know!
 
Firstly, I love the way tjhis forum does NOT post my posts..

Secondly, yes, there is a resume attached, along with certificates, school results, work experience reports.

Lotsa goodies, but not too many.

I see your point with making it short. But I have trouble making it short.

Anyway, I have posted it, so I hope i at least get a phone call.

Haven't got one phone call yet, and I've been looking for work for 3 months now. and I am $900 in debt..

jhoordgds
 
Keep it short and sweet. No one wants to read more than a couple of paragraphs, so keep that in mind. Make sure you follow up by phone and ask for an in-house interview. Good Luck!
 
Kushantaiidan: Firstly, I love the way tjhis forum does NOT post my posts. You mean using quotes? Well, I had to sorry. It's the only way I could show you what I wanted to suggest.

1) Try not to repeat yourself. (If I did, sorry. Fix it!) ;)
2) Try to limit a cover letter to 3/4 paragraphs.
3) Use it to explain things they won't figure out themselves by looking at your resume. Like the 'puncuality' line below and the explanation why you didn't finish the course in the second paragraph.


Dear Daryl Peoples-

My name is Michael Cody and I wish to apply for the Part-Time Senior Salesperson position at Warehouse Sales as advertised in the Courier on Saturday the 12th. I believe that I would be a valuable asset to the company because providing good customer service is very satisfying to me. I am punctual, motivated, enthusiastic, and very flexible.

As you can see from my attached resume, I've studied the Bachelor of Engineering/Bachelor of Computing at the University of Ballarat for two years, but I have deferred the course because I am considering a different career and needed a change in direction. I've also completed my VCE at Sebastopol Secondary College and gained my Certificate III of Information Technology as a VET study.
(all of this IS on your resume too, right?)

---maybe cut this paragraph out--- In school I was involved in many activities such as the International Student Project, enrichment classes and Student Exchange Programs. I also took part in a one-week work placement at B&D Technologies. My duties included assembly of PCs, software installation, fault analysis and customer service.

Note: If the above paragraph is on your resume, I wouldn't put it in your cover letter also. As someone else already pointed out, you'd want this cover letter to be short and simple yet interesting enough for the reader to move on to your resume with interest. Three even sized paragraphs to be exact is very easy on the eyes.

---This paragraph also may be left out and put only on the resume itself.--- I have had previous employment with McDonalds, Sturt St., for 12 months, where I gained valuable experience in customer relations and teamwork and also at Pizza Hut for 8 months where these skills were further improved upon. My recent employment with Bilo allowed me to gain skills in stock handling and ordering, and gave me experience in being in charge of a department.

Once again, quality customer service was a very important to me. Additional details of my credentials are outlined in the accompanying resume. This position offers a new challenge in a field that interests me greatly. I would appreciate the opportunity to meet with you at your earliest convenience and discuss my qualifications. Thank you for taking the time to consider my application.

Yours faithfully
(I'd probably use 'Sincerely,' here or delete the last line and use 'Thank you very much,')

____________________________
(Michael Cody)



:) I hope I've helped in some way.
 
Thanx guys soo much for your help. I hope you guys didn't mind me getting help here. A lot of people seem to be annoyed that this forum never talks about opeth, and I am one of the worst offenders, posting more off topics than anything else.

But yeah, I've sent the resume, I had to send it today, it was already getting late.

But I'll still use all this great advice in future aopplications. So thx again.

Also, how I said: Kushantaiidan: Firstly, I love the way tjhis forum does NOT post my posts.

I was referring to when I did a post, it just simply didn't show up, and I lost that post, and I was crabby.

Though I understand a lot of things are changing here at UM, and god I wish I had money to donate, and as soon as I have the money, I'll be proud to become a supporter.

I just hope all the problems are fixed soon when we move to a new server.

Has mark had to move to a new serveer due to the amount of traffic we create?

Well, if so, at least he's not annoyed. Actually, he seemed very proud that the Opeth Forums broke the 50,000 posts line...

And, thx again!! I'll bump this thread from time to time, and everyone else may use this thread to get help and advice to do with getting a job. =)
 
I hope you guys didn't mind me getting help here. A lot of people seem to be annoyed that this forum never talks about opeth, and I am one of the worst offenders, posting more off topics than anything else.

Hey, don't worry about it, buddy!
We're here to help. :D

Te be honest, if this board only contained Opeth stuff, it wouldn't have any personality. Yay personality!
Hehe... i'm such a gweeb!

Good luck on the job!!!
 
gweeb.


gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb


gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb
gweeb gweeb


gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb
gweeb gweeb

gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb gweeb

(imagine me saying this in a hi pitched all most songing tone)

beewg
 
HAHA!
i'm glad you've gotten so much enjoyment from my word!!

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

actually, it's a little somethin' me and my sister made up when i was, like, 8 years old!


gweeb: the mix between a geek and a dweeb

spread the word, people!!
:D