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FuSoYa

Lunarian
Nov 9, 2001
7,882
6
38
Brooklyn
lifesci.ucsb.edu
0 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

John Zorn ruins a perfectly good metal band, December 17, 2003



Reviewer: Eric Jensen (see more about me) from Austin, TX

I have been following Maudlin of the Well, and for that matter, the entire Dark Symphonies label from the get-go. This was a band who showed enormous potential with their debut, taking bits and pieces from 3rd and the Mortal, Opeth and Sculptured (to name a few) and still maintaining an individual vision. Their second album(s) retained those influences yet saw the band expand their vision without sacrificing melody, hooks or riffage...which is, when you think about it, a pretty tough thing to do. To be able to write music that is strange yet catchy is a true talent, and Maudlin of the Well had it. But as soon as I found out Maudlin would be jumping ship to join Zorn's Tszadik label, I smelled a rat.

This is the same Zorn who's idea of avant-extreme music involves 12 second blasts of utter schizophrenic screaming and random instrument slapping. This is the same Zorn who beats music with a meat tenderizer until all the melody is gone. This is the same Zorn who spends more time thinking about CD packaging than about music arrangement and structure. This is the same Zorn that members of Maudlin of the Well (posing as Kayo Dot) were out to impress.

Let's be clear about something...I understand the whole "avant-garde" idea quite well...it's easy, just take standard music theory and stomp it to pieces. Avant garde music is a bunch of broken glass on the sidewalk basically. Pretty easy stuff to do if you have no talents or ideas. Kinda like taking black and white pictures of burned out buildings...the statement you're making may be profound, but a five year old could do it.

Not to dismiss what Kayo Dot has done here, but this genre is not their natural habitat. This style of avant music is best left to "Set Fire to Flames" or "Cerberus Shoal"...bands that have more vision than talent. Sinse Kayo has both, this album is unacceptable. Through the course of 3 albums as Maudlin, they've proven that music can be memorable, full of hooks yet supremely challenging and mysterious at the same time. This album is none of those things.
 
it sounds like he has much more of a problem with the label change and john zorn's music, rather than the actual music of kayo dot (which he doesn't even mention at all!) that's very weird, and a stupid reason to give the album a shitty review.

it did make me laugh for maybe 10 minutes though!
 
hehe let it be known that afterwards i e-stalked eric jensen for a bit, but his name was too common for "eric jensen" +"metal" to yield anything useful except another bitter reader-review of something else on picthforkmedia.com
 
i.e.

From: Eric Jensen
Subject: Pro Tools just burnt my church

Hey Brent, leading off a Monday morning issue with a blast on Metallica was brilliant. Who's next on the mainstream chopping block, Puddle of Mud? PepsiCo? Wal Mart? Adam Sandler?

If your writing abilities were looks, you'd be the equivalent of a hunky soap opera star...so why are you hitting on plain-looking 40 year old housewives?

* As a pitchfork reader from the days of your "telephone conversation"-style of reviewing, I was saddened a few months back when one of your writers*took pot shots at Cinderella and hair metal...an action that brought Pitchfork down a few rungs on the "I'm so confident in my excellence, I don't have to go there" ladder. Your Tool "Lateralus" review seemed to start this trend of digging up dead bands and making fun of their rigor mortiis, light years after the indie establishment had covered their graves and paid the funeral bills.

* Now the crosshairs are on Metallica. Even the dumbest redneck Texan deer hunter won't shoot an animal that's decaying on the side of the road...he won't even stop to collect the meat. Brent, don't tell me you're*in league with the circling vultures and buzzards. But I fear in Metallica's case, the body's all ready been picked clean. Brent, don't tell me you're in league with the scavenger ants now.

* Meanwhile, Pitchfork just slipped another rung. So Metallica sucks, huh? Thanks for yelling fire in a building that burnt down 15 years ago.

* Eric Jensen
Austin, TX




and also:


From: Eric Jensen
Subject: Lay off the hair, bro

Matt Stevens' book report on Ok Go contained an amazing TWO hair metal references...and they weren't exactly tips on how to deal with split ends*and nasty wind-machine tangles.

* See that cloud of dust on the horizon? It's a Greyhound full of glam-metal bashers, long sinse departed. Why is Matt Stevens under the delusion that another bus is coming to pick him up? Now he's going to be waiting at that smelly station for awhile, fending off burly ex-cons, hyperactive Mexican kids and*ugly insomniacs bumming quarters for the TV.

* Pitchfork, gold-standard that it is, shouldn't stand for this kind of dead-horse beating. It's not enough that the 'Fork KNOWS how good it is, but for you to allow all of this teasing...I mean, c'mon...didn't any of you have an older brother who was constantly reminding you how strong he was with good old fashioned pummelings?

* It's so beneath a Pitchfork writer to call out Cinderella. Now I'd like you to let that statement sink in for a sec...

* The late great Chicago Bear running back Walter Payton NEVER celebrated after a touchdown. He simply handed the ball to the ref, unlike the minstrel show most players put on after a score. The Ok Go piece was a score...Pitchfork, don't be that minstrel show.

* And it's not just hair metal that gets the closed fist. (Moby, anyone?) Who the fuck wrote this rulebook you're using that calls for heavy dissing. That's the tool of the insecure and meager. Just gimme the snot on what the album's about. Let the*Pitchfork handmaiden sites*do all the dirty work.

* Pitchfork is a King and when the King hates a preformer, he*calls in*the order...but he certainly aint the one choppin' the head off and cleanin' the goo off the blade.

Eric Jensen
Austin, TX
 
ah what the hell.



Blessing in Disguise ~ Green Carnation

List Price: $15.98

Buy new: $15.98

Availability: Usually Ships in 1 to 2 business days


Who are you and what have you done with Tchort? December 17, 2003
This could well be the biggest disappointment since Metallica's black album. Green Carnation, behind the guiding force of Tchort, executed one of the all time great prog-symphonic-metal albums in "Light of Day, Day of Darkness". The individuals who created "Blessing in Disguise" cannot possibly be the same people...nothing short of alien abduction and/or demonic possession can excuse the music they came up with this time around. Right from the opening riff (which sounds like a riff Motley-Crue tossed away during the making of "Dr. Feelgood") I knew I was in for a load of "thinking man's power metal bullcrap". This has bad 80's aqua-net hairspray metal written all over it. I can't find a single memorable melody, hook or riff anywhere. What I did manage to find was overblown, pompous and overproduced. I have 4 questions for Green Carnation: Can we please have yet another metal ballad with a full string arrangment? Can we please have yet another sad song about "rain"? Can we please have yet another lyric that reads "I can see it in your eyes..."? Can we please have yet another mid-tempo rocker with a mindless guitar solo in it?

Every single note, word and concept on this album has been done better by bands who have a tenth of the talent these guys do. I never thought Green Carnation would set out to make a Queensryche album, but lo and behold, they just did. There is absolutely nothing progressive about this dreck, unless you think three chords, 4/4 time and hammond organ equal progressive.
This album is a pink neon and tiger-striped-spandex nightmare that the likes of Winger, Skid Row or Slaughter would laugh at. Aside from Opeth's "Deliverance", rank this one as one of metal's major let downs for 2003.
 
haha i know! we stalked him together.
it was a good group effort and also, romantic.
even after you went to sleep, i continued stalking him so there would be no time wasted. no progress though. :(

anyway, good stalking times, man.
thumbs up.
 
hmmm?

jensen-5.jpg


don't look at me, that's what google image search said.
 
Let's be clear about something...I understand the whole "avant-garde" idea quite well...it's easy, just take standard music theory and stomp it to pieces. Avant garde music is a bunch of broken glass on the sidewalk basically. Pretty easy stuff to do if you have no talents or ideas. Kinda like taking black and white pictures of burned out buildings...the statement you're making may be profound, but a five year old could do it.
that's the best part
 
I am constantly amazed at how little most people understand the workings of the music industry. dude seems to imply that Zorn has you on puppet strings or something.
 
I understand that he might be disapointed about the album but does he actually have a point to say in that review? I yes, I can't see it. Are there any reasons he doesn't like the album?

I agree with Jake, that's the best part. I'd like to see him play anything Fred Firth or Marc Ribot play as well as they do....
 
I may not like a lot of Zorn's stuff besides Masada, but at least I respect and understand it.

and Marc Ribot is probably my favorite guitarist ever.
 
my personal favorite:


Eric Jensen:
I have been following Maudlin of the Well, and for that matter, the entire Dark Symphonies label from the get-go... ...But as soon as I found out Maudlin would be jumping ship to join Zorn's Tszadik label, I smelled a rat.