how many times is it necessary to say no?

[mourningstar]

last night i went to my step brother's birthday party. after dinner, somewhere around midnight, a guy - barely resemblant to amorphis' singer with short hair - arrived. after a few seconds i recognized him: he was a classmate of mine, ten years ago.
i'll keep it short: while at first i was happy to see him and interested in knowing what he was doing now, he spent way too much time trying to convince me to sleep with him, with a long series of strong allusions, glances to my décollete, compliments and an attempt to kiss me, even if i made clear i was not interested and that i already am in a relationship.

it really annoyed me, because i spent the night trying to avoid him instead of focusing on having fun, and repeating "no" every other second to his proposals. plus, i had to ask my step-brother to keep an eye on me because his friend was going too far for my taste, thus looking like a 5 year old.


on the way home i thought if i were him i'd really feel ashamed to perpetrate such repeated attempts when someone lets me understand i haven't any chances. i can't really understand how it is possible for someone to push themselves so far.

my question is: taking for granted there are girls ready to have sex with the last come (no pun intended), why don't guys redirect towards them after having received a couple of no from the same girl?
is there any logical explanation of the phenomenon?

 

[rahvin]

if coming on to folks of either gender followed strict rules, the world would suddenly be full of single people.
strategies or instinctive attitudes that focus on chatting up (and then laying down) girls and boys are unpredictable in their development, not to mention in their results.

it seems reasonable to assume that the guy at the party, being in his middle twenties and so on, wasn't approaching a girl for the first time ever, so i would also reckon - however sad it may sound - that at least once or twice he actually managed to net out a yes after a series of no's. if his technique had always resulted in bitter defeat he wouldn't be out there repeating it over and over. unless of course other factors come into play.
drunkness, chemical alteration, extreme stress, or frustration, are all reasons that might explain a reduced ability to understand the point when the tentative approach got too far and was rejected is already somewhere behind us in the distance. the qualities of the object of desire (for instance the easiness of the girl) are really not relevant in such a scenario: there was no way for this guy - sober or shitfaced - to come equipped with any knowledge about your standards or your breaking point even after a series of no's.

you said you were not interested, yes. through no personal experience of mine, i reckon there are girls in the world (and boys, of course, and not just those who'd sleep with anyone) who would start off by saying this only to get "persuaded" later on by either charm or alcohol or both.
you said you were in a relationship, yes. yet there are people who cheat on their partner, motivated by charm, alcohol, a serious change of heart, and in some cases armageddon.

it's hard to assume someone knows he/she has lost when playing a game whose rules are unclear and arbitrary. sometimes the number of no's needed is infinite, sometimes even an absence of no's is enough to send the would-be partner running screaming for the closest river to drown him/herself in. while i can understand that it pisses you off that some are slower than others to realise, i think there's a good side: namely that he didn't attempt anything stupid and potentially harmful.
birthday parties, along with heavy metal concerts and the destruction of the sun on the part of mind-sucking aliens from outer space, are some of the most dangerous and frequents events of the modern world, so it wouldn't have surprised me if he had actually tried to get physical about it. in that case, i would certainly hope that would have been his last come (pun was intended, but there actually isn't one).

 

[Life Sucks]

Sometime a guy will keep hitting on a girl in hopes that she will finally give in. Sometimes the girl will actually say yes after having already said no several times; I have actually observed this at bars several times. I'm quite the opposite of guys like that; I do not approach women at all because I don't want to deal with rejection, I let the women come to me.

 

[SculptedCold]

Wow.....let....the women.....come.....to me...


SWEET!!!! I've figured it out!!

/me goes out to get laid

 

[Life Sucks]

Wow.....let....the women.....come.....to me...


SWEET!!!! I've figured it out!!

/me goes out to get laid

Yeah. Seriously it's better to do it that way. Women do come to me all the time but I don't have the confidence to make any moves. Again last night some girl I was dancing with was feeling my arms and abs and telling me I'm cute and stuff, but I was being a wuss and nothing happened.

 

[EagleFlyFree]

whoah... was she really that bad goods?? if not, you're a disgrace to your kind :-(

 

[Thanatos]

I haven't read any of the replies, but there are some really stupid guys who seem to think that when a girl says no, she actually means yes, it's difficult to get rid of such kind of animals.

 

[anonymousnick2001]

I'm with Life Sucks. I let the honeys come before I do.

But they never do arrive, and I am still alone.

 

[MURAI]

The ladies come to you cause you're a pretty boy so.. Heh, I am very obscure around women so... yeah... I rarely hit on them anymore. The last time I hit on one was... So long ago.. I cant remember

 

[Farslayer]

Your step-brother's a pussy for not recognizing the problem, even after you
told him. He should have grabbed ahold of said dude's person and tossed his ass out! One no is enough, or you have zero game.

 

[Psychonaut]

Was he drinking? I know sometimes guys will get told "no", back off, think about another approach, and attack again once he has regrouped. Ahh, the magic of alcohol.

If not, he's just a natural ass.

 

[rahvin]

I haven't read any of the replies

this, signore, offends me mightily.

 

[mourningstar]

@psycho: on the alcohol note, i don't think he was drunk. the fact he arrived after the dinner had finished saved him from drinking rivers of wine, which i did. he pathetically tried to make me drink more, hoping that way it would have been easier to reach his goal. unfortunately for him, alchohol in my veins isn't a reason strong enough to make me go to bed with someone.
hope that evening will be processed by his mind and added to his statistics, so that he might learn that "there is one more girl that, after some no's, keeps saying no" and "there is one more girl that, even if drunkish, doesn't give it away". loser.

@farslayer: my step-brother kept an eye on me and told that guy to pay attention to what he was doing. that was enough for me, i wouldn't have wanted a big fuss out of that. i like to think i can take care of myself, and in case the guy had gone really too far, my step-brother would have been there.


cheers to all the others for their input

 

[Profanity]

this, signore, offends me mightily.

and so it should

 

[Mr. Cactus]

If he doesn't go away after you've made yourself really clear, it's time to pour beer down his pants. If you have other friends there, hanging around them and asking them to step in if he won't leave you alone might help. This is especially true if your friends are a lot bigger than the guy.

 

[CONCLAVE OBSCURUM]

I haven't read any of the replies, but there are some really stupid guys who seem to think that when a girl says no, she actually means yes, it's difficult to get rid of such kind of animals.

Do you have problems with MANs?

...do you hate when a MAN tries to convince you to sleep with him??... do you preffer to make the first move??...

hahaha!!

 

[Hitori]

I know sometimes guys will get told "no", back off, think about another approach, and attack again once he has regrouped.

he's right. think Coyote and Roadrunner.