I hope tomorrow won't come

[GarethSE]

positivity or negativity is fundamentally a choice. i myself have had what amounts to a "strange couple of weeks." what is so disconcerting about those couple of weeks is that they have been so normal.
whether you yearn for irrationality or rationality, normality or abnormaloty, spirit worlds or "reality" (quote unquote,) the strange (normal) yet wonderful thing about the human race is that we find reasons to keep on living in the face of all adversity.

i may be a genuine, real cunt at times, but i could not mean it anymore right now when i say that i love every soul in existence at this moment as though i have known them all of my life (lives) (and most likely have done.) to me, this thought is really quite comforting.
i hope this cosmic love and brotherhood finds you well in the morning, very truly.

 

[>>>GENZ<<<]

Thank you for your support,it means a lot to me.

It's not like i've ever been suicidal.I just faced the reality and suddenly realized what happened to me and what have i become.

Ironically enough,I might be the only person on this board who have no other choice except being an AE, literally,I've got no right to work.
so I only can be "self-employed",I am not known or anything like that,so my
income is barely enough to pay for a roomshare in the worst part of east London and some very basic things.

I've tried working in construction,I couldn't go to work next day,i thought i was gonna die right there,as i am physically weak for this job,tried working in a shop,i was kicked out after one week because i am not good at customer service,and i am not asian,so i am not really welcome,as all of those corner shops are asian,and they rather employ someone from their community...
even getting a job at McD is not easy in this country,you've got to apply online and provide all the papers.

All my life I've been pressing buttons and twisting knobs for a living,for a small compensation.
going back to my country of origin in east europe is not an option.I've cut all the ties,and no connections here,as i hate this immigrant ghetto thing,
I always tried to integrate into british society.You may not beleive it,but it is the reason why don't want to get fake papers or engage in any criminal activities to make some money,This country gave me a chance once and I don't want to become just another imported scum.I've already slipped once.

Everything started nicely a few years back,a new life,new opportunities,then
I started making stupid mistakes,meeting wrong people,smoking weed for no reason,didn't extend my papers on time - when you hang out with losers you eventually becoming one of them...

I've been living in this misery for about a year, until i met the girl.She made
me realize what a pathetic person i am.I observed myself from different angle.
and...here I am now.
She is probably the only chance for me now,she gave me motivation boost and atrocious mood swings at the same time... i had one yesterday when i wrote the first post.
Surprisingly I still managed to appear normal, she believes in me,and I wish I could live up to her expectations,but my options are limited and at this stage probably it's not failure at life,it is a fear of failure,if i fuck up this time this really is going to be an end...

 

[midget donkeys]

Don't be lame dude. Times maybe shitty for you now but that doesn't mean it will stay that way forever. Even if you think no one would notice you are wrong. Killing yourself is about he worst thing you can do to the people around you.

A young kid in my army unit shot himself in the head in a porta john because he couldn't deal with life at war. He was a combat medic and couldn't face being responsible to save peoples lives under fire. He gave up when the people around him needed him most. His death had a profound effect on my bud that was medic for my platoon. Doc is still messed up in the head and it all started with this other kids suicide.

I don't know you story, but I bet the people in your life care about you more than you think.

And if that isn't enough, stay alive because Mel Gibson says so motherfucker.

 

[timislegend]

Thank you for your support,it means a lot to me.

It's not like i've ever been suicidal.I just faced the reality and suddenly realized what happened to me and what have i become.

Ironically enough,I might be the only person on this board who have no other choice except being an AE, literally,I've got no right to work.
so I only can be "self-employed",I am not known or anything like that,so my
income is barely enough to pay for a roomshare in the worst part of east London and some very basic things.

I've tried working in construction,I couldn't go to work next day,i thought i was gonna die right there,as i am physically weak for this job,tried working in a shop,i was kicked out after one week because i am not good at customer service,and i am not asian,so i am not really welcome,as all of those corner shops are asian,and they rather employ someone from their community...
even getting a job at McD is not easy in this country,you've got to apply online and provide all the papers.

All my life I've been pressing buttons and twisting knobs for a living,for a small compensation.
going back to my country of origin in east europe is not an option.I've cut all the ties,and no connections here,as i hate this immigrant ghetto thing,
I always tried to integrate into british society.You may not beleive it,but it is the reason why don't want to get fake papers or engage in any criminal activities to make some money,This country gave me a chance once and I don't want to become just another imported scum.I've already slipped once.

Everything started nicely a few years back,a new life,new opportunities,then
I started making stupid mistakes,meeting wrong people,smoking weed for no reason,didn't extend my papers on time - when you hang out with losers you eventually becoming one of them...

I've been living in this misery for about a year, until i met the girl.She made
me realize what a pathetic person i am.I observed myself from different angle.
and...here I am now.
She is probably the only chance for me now,she gave me motivation boost and atrocious mood swings at the same time... i had one yesterday when i wrote the first post.
Surprisingly I still managed to appear normal, she believes in me,and I wish I could live up to her expectations,but my options are limited and at this stage probably it's not failure at life,it is a fear of failure,if i fuck up this time this really is going to be an end...

how old are you? ...just curious.

 

[ForgotenWarrior6]

Two of my friends have committed suicide 4 years apart from each other. One eighteen, the other sixteen.
There's still a lot of living to do buddy.

Just think of everyone you'd affect.

 

[TheWinterSnow]

Hey, at least you're not Swedish.

I'd rather be in Sweden than the US. Its a fucking nightmare for jobs and just trying to survive over here. Regardless though, the lulz where had for that comment.

 

[antiheroinc]

dont worry dude, i have had a lot of trouble dealing with the overwhelming urges myself. especially since i have halved my current medication regime to try and get back to some sort of normality. basically i write everything out in a journal and crash myself at the gym every night. in the last week i must admit i have broken a mirror, a window and a knuckle, and lost about 8.5kgs. just gotta overcome my selfdestructive urges with the depressive moods too.

 

[TheDriller]

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlBiLNN1NhQ&feature=related[/ame]