Joke time: How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?

[joelplagues]

So I guess you like them younger, eh?

Funnily enough, no. Love my ladies older even if its only 2 years..seems hotter.

Best thing about that line is I had one of the quietest, most polite little christian boys send it to me. so I didn't just loose my shit over the line I lost my shit times 2 because of who sent it to me haha.

 

[nezvers]

My boss is SO stupid! But if he would be a little smarter I wouldn't get the job!

I picked up girl at bar and went to my place. After I jizzed on her face she jumped on my pride and fucked me until I finished again. I slept finally tired and than she winked to me and said that was another hole, which I had never been. I thought that I will have my first anal sex until she took out her glass eye.

When is the worst time when women fake orgasm?
When she is raped.

It was the happiest day of my life. I came to the church. My wife was waiting for me at the altar. I walked the avenue. Kissed her on the cheek. Smiled .... And closed the coffin.

Sorry guys it was hard to translate

 

[Jarkko Mattheiszen]

A man walks into a bar and approaches the bartender.

- A mold deer, please.
- A what?
- A mold deer.
- Sorry, I have no idea what you're saying.
- Ah, I have this condition that makes me mix up words from time to time. I meant a cold beer.
- Oh, I think I might have the same condition. This morning when we were having breakfast I tried to ask my wife to pass the milk, but instead I found myself saying "You ruined my life, you stupid fucking whore."

 

[BrettT]

^^ Hahaha!

 

[SentencedToBurn]

Why can't Helen Keller drive?

Because she's dead.

the punchline is supposed to be: "because she is a woman"

 

[Copper_head]

Why do doctors spank babies?
It knocks the penises off the stupid ones.



Why are all women angry?
You'd be angry too, if some doctor knocked your penis off.

 

[topsoul182]

How do you fit 40 babies into a bowl?
A blender

How do you get them out?
Tortilla chips

 

[monoxide_child]

My boss is SO stupid! But if he would be a little smarter I wouldn't get the job!

I picked up girl at bar and went to my place. After I jizzed on her face she jumped on my pride and fucked me until I finished again. I slept finally tired and than she winked to me and said that was another hole, which I had never been. I thought that I will have my first anal sex until she took out her glass eye.

When is the worst time when women fake orgasm?
When she is raped.

It was the happiest day of my life. I came to the church. My wife was waiting for me at the altar. I walked the avenue. Kissed her on the cheek. Smiled .... And closed the coffin.

Sorry guys it was hard to translate

you translated them good enough for me to laugh at them

 

[TheWinterSnow]

A culturally enriched male of african descent living in America and a warm and welcoming citizen of southern America is in a car. Who's driving?

The police.

The correct version of that would be...

A my pals and a spic are in a car. Who's driving?

The police.

(before anyone gets mad, I am myself a "spic" . And yes I make fun of myself as well.)




Whats the difference between a pizza and a jew?

Pizzas don't scream when they are in an oven



That one is a little fucked up, but still funny.

 

[monoxide_child]

Whats the difference between a pizza and a jew?

Pizzas don't scream when they are in an oven



That one is a little fucked up, but still funny.

since someone else did a jew joke...

how do you fit 100 jews into a Mazda 626?

2 in the frontseats, 3 in the back seats, the rest in the ashtray

and for all those who posted/liked the dead baby jokes...

http://www.dead-baby-joke.com/dbj_001.htm

 

[timislegend]

why did the cookie go to the hospital?
































...because it was feeling crumby.

 

[nezvers]

At last I have figured out how to suck my own dick!
I just have to cut it off!!!

My mother very well knew how to trick me to eat when I was younger. She held the spoon of food and repeated: "train is coming, train is coming!" I always eat because I knew that if I won't eat she won't tie me from the railway rails.

 

[Atheist]

Guy from a US ghetto to a lost british tourist: Hey man, did you come here to die!?
British tourist: No mate, I came here yesterday.

 

[Soundlurker]

^ You probably mean an Australian tourist?

 

[Atheist]

Yeah, might be

 

[timislegend]

what is the difference between acne and a catholic priest?



































































...acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12.

 

[KeithRT99]

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
I have a gun.
Get in the van.

That's a good one.

 

[KeithRT99]

a jewish son says to his jewish father: "dad can i borrow 50 dollars?"
the dad says " 40 dollars? what do you want to borrow 30 dollars for?"

 

[El_Gato]

-Grandson, what's the name of that german fucker who keeps hiding my things?

-Alzheimer, grandpa, Alzheimer.

 

[amarshism]

a jewish son says to his jewish father: "dad can i borrow 50 dollars?"
the dad says " 40 dollars? what do you want to borrow 30 dollars for?"

Never heard that one before. Sick.