Jokes thread

[D.Ingram]

Because its good to laugh

i dunno if we have one of these already, if so then boycott it.

NO racism whatsoever. Sexism is fine, but make sure you get the message across that you're joking. A smiley face usually gets that message across.

Joke number one;

Whats the hardest part about being in a metalcore band?


Telling your parents that you're gay

 

[Zehm]

why do brides wear white????????


the dishwasher should match the refrigorator

 

[D.Ingram]

Women rights

 

[-[chop]-]

How do you notice that a blonde girl have had fun the night before? you throw her panties on the wall and see if they stuck.

A brunette and a blonde girl was out walking...when suddenly the brunette yelled "LOOK A DEAD BIRD!!" the blonde girl stops walking and look at the sky and say "WHERE?!"

 

[D.Ingram]

LMAO!

 

[StephenSLR]

What's funnier than a dead baby?

A dead baby wearing clown clothes.

What's funnier than a dead baby wearing clown clothes?

NOTHING!

s

 

[metalheadjohn666]

Q: What have Gareth gates and Harold Shipman got in common?
A: Neither of them can finish a sentence.

 

[D.Ingram]

Heres a good joke I heard from some guy in town;

Trivium

 

[Pablokers]

Heres a good joke I heard from some guy in town;

Trivium

hahahahahaha, that is a fuckin joke!

 

[Noel]

Heres a good joke I heard from some guy in town;

Trivium

STFU!! They're one of the best thrash metal bands on earth
































I tell good jokes too

 

[D.Ingram]

^ You had me going for a second hahaha

 

[-[chop]-]

!!!!!!!!!.................Trivium

 

[evilematt]

NASA mission control are in contact with their just launched deep space probe, this is the communication...

"Monkey one, please engage X7 Boosters..... NOW"

"Monkey two, re-align the entry angles to a 72 degree threshold"

"Monkey three, calibrate the blast modules, check for outside interference"

"Women, feed the monkeys and don't fucking touch ANYTHING"

 

[D.Ingram]

 

[D.Ingram]

Once again, glory bump for EPIC necro-justice - because bumping ancient and under-appreciated threads is ace.

 

[MotorheadMadman]

Three blondes were walking through the woods, following a set of tracks.

One says "These are fox tracks". The Second says "Bollocks, those are badger tracks". The Third says "Don't talk shite, they're deer tracks".

They carried on arguing until the 1615 to Newcastle hit them!

 

[D.Ingram]

One from Mr Joe Stamps last night: Why does Santa have no children?

Because he only comes once a year, and its down your chimney

 

[D.Ingram]

A girl asked me last week "Why is it that A guy can have sex with 20 woman an be a legend but if a girl has sex or dates a guy 2-4 times in a month shes a slut?"

I replied...

"Because if a key is capable of unlocking many locks, it is a master key. If a lock is opened by many keys, Well... Its a shitty lock"

 

[siobhan!]

What's funnier than a dead baby?

A dead baby wearing clown clothes.

What's funnier than a dead baby wearing clown clothes?

NOTHING!

s

How many dead babies does it take to tile a roof?

Depends how thinly you slice them.

 

[Slatanictrash]

My Life


This joke ain't PC but I find it funny as hell, apologies in advance to my Irish brothers for this joke

An Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman were lost within the Sahara Dessert for days when they stumpled across a magic lamp, the Scotsman suggested that they all give it a rub and see what happens, so they all did and "Poof" a genie appears and said I usually grant the person that rubbed the lamp 3 wishes but seeing all 3 of you did I shall grant you one wish each

The Englishman said "I wish I was back home in England in my castle, with a beautiful woman and £2,000,000 in my bank account"
The genie said "Your wish is granted" and the Englishman disappears.

The Scotsman said "I wish I was back home in Scotland in my Highland castle with it's own whisky distillery, a beautiful woman and £2,000,000 in my bank account"
The genie said "Your wish is granted" and the Scotsman disappears

The Irishman said "I'm lonely, I wish I had my pals back"