- Feb 28, 2002
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okay i'm getting pretty bored here at the office, so i thought a joke thread would be just fine. i go first.
So these two whales, male and female, are swimming happily through the ocean when they come upon a boat. On seeing the boat, the male says, "Hey, I've got a great idea! Let's swim up under that boat and blow out really hard through our blowholes!"
The female says, "Oh, I don't know..."
"Come on, it'll be fun, come on, just this once!"
The female agrees and they swim up under the boat and blow out, capsizing the boat and sending hapless sailors into the briny blue. As they are swimming away, the male says, "Wow, that was fun, wasn't it? Hey! I've got another idea! Let's swim back there and eat all the sailors!"
To which the female, exasperated, replies, "Look, I agreed to the blow job, but I'm not swallowing any seamen."
_________________________________
Mickey mouse goes into his lawyers office, and asks if his divorce papers are ready to sign?
Lawyer: yes mickey, but are you sure you want to go through with this and divorce minnie??
Mickey:I am completely sure
Lawyer: The fact is that just because your wife is silly its really know grounds for divorce
Mickey: i didn't say that she was silly! i said she was fucking Goofy!!
_________________________________
Barbara Walters was doing a documentary on the customs of American Indians. After a tour of the reservation they were on, she asked why the difference in the number of feathers in the headdresses.
She asked a brave who had only one feather in his headdress.
His reply was, "Me have only one squaw, me have only one feather."
She asked another brave, feeling the first fellow was only joking. This brave had four feathers in his headdress. He replied, "UGH, Me have four feathers because me sleep with four squaws."
Still not convinced that the number of feathers indicated the number of squaws involved, she decided to interview the chief. Now the chief headdress was full of feathers which, needless to say, amused Ms. Walters. She asked the chief, "Why do you have so many feathers in your headdress?" The chief proudly pounded his chest and said, "Me Chief, Me fuck-em all, big, small, fat, tall, me fuck-em all."
Horrified, Ms. Walters stated. "You ought to be hung." The Chief replied. "You damned right me hung......Big like Buffalo, long like Snake." Ms Walters cried, "You don't have to be so goddamn hostile! The Chief replied, "Hoss'style, dog-style, wolf-style, any-style, me fuck-em all!"
Tears in her eyes, Ms. Walters cried, "OH DEAR." The Chief said, "No Deer.....me no fuck deer.....Asshole too high, and fuckers run too fast. No fuck deer."
_________________________________
A young blonde came home from school and was heard by her mother reciting her homework:
"Two plus two, the son of a bitch is four; four plus four, the son of a bitch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a bitch--"
"Judi!" shouted her mother. "Watch your language! You're not allowed to use swearwords like 'son of a bitch'".
"But, Mom," replied Judi, "that's what the teacher taught us, and she said to recite it out loud till we learned it."
Next day Judi's mother went to school with her daughter and right into the classroom to complain. "Oh, heavens!" said the teacher. "That's not what I taught them. They're supposed to say, 'Two plus two, the sum of which is four.' "
_________________________________
There was a Latino man looking for job. The boss asked, " Do you speak English?"
"Yes, Senor," he replied.
The boss continued, "I will test your comprehension, make a sentence with these three words: Green, pink and yellow."
The Latino man laughed, "That's easy, Senor. Here it is : The phone GREENS, I PINK it up and say YELLOW"
_________________________________
A duck walked into a pharmacy, and waddled back to the druggist's counter. The druggist looked at him and chuckled, "Hey little fella! What can I do for you?"
The duck says, "I'd like a box of condoms please."
The pharmacist says, "Well, sure! Would you like me to put
that on your bill?"
The duck says, "I'm not that kind of duck!"
So these two whales, male and female, are swimming happily through the ocean when they come upon a boat. On seeing the boat, the male says, "Hey, I've got a great idea! Let's swim up under that boat and blow out really hard through our blowholes!"
The female says, "Oh, I don't know..."
"Come on, it'll be fun, come on, just this once!"
The female agrees and they swim up under the boat and blow out, capsizing the boat and sending hapless sailors into the briny blue. As they are swimming away, the male says, "Wow, that was fun, wasn't it? Hey! I've got another idea! Let's swim back there and eat all the sailors!"
To which the female, exasperated, replies, "Look, I agreed to the blow job, but I'm not swallowing any seamen."
_________________________________
Mickey mouse goes into his lawyers office, and asks if his divorce papers are ready to sign?
Lawyer: yes mickey, but are you sure you want to go through with this and divorce minnie??
Mickey:I am completely sure
Lawyer: The fact is that just because your wife is silly its really know grounds for divorce
Mickey: i didn't say that she was silly! i said she was fucking Goofy!!
_________________________________
Barbara Walters was doing a documentary on the customs of American Indians. After a tour of the reservation they were on, she asked why the difference in the number of feathers in the headdresses.
She asked a brave who had only one feather in his headdress.
His reply was, "Me have only one squaw, me have only one feather."
She asked another brave, feeling the first fellow was only joking. This brave had four feathers in his headdress. He replied, "UGH, Me have four feathers because me sleep with four squaws."
Still not convinced that the number of feathers indicated the number of squaws involved, she decided to interview the chief. Now the chief headdress was full of feathers which, needless to say, amused Ms. Walters. She asked the chief, "Why do you have so many feathers in your headdress?" The chief proudly pounded his chest and said, "Me Chief, Me fuck-em all, big, small, fat, tall, me fuck-em all."
Horrified, Ms. Walters stated. "You ought to be hung." The Chief replied. "You damned right me hung......Big like Buffalo, long like Snake." Ms Walters cried, "You don't have to be so goddamn hostile! The Chief replied, "Hoss'style, dog-style, wolf-style, any-style, me fuck-em all!"
Tears in her eyes, Ms. Walters cried, "OH DEAR." The Chief said, "No Deer.....me no fuck deer.....Asshole too high, and fuckers run too fast. No fuck deer."
_________________________________
A young blonde came home from school and was heard by her mother reciting her homework:
"Two plus two, the son of a bitch is four; four plus four, the son of a bitch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a bitch--"
"Judi!" shouted her mother. "Watch your language! You're not allowed to use swearwords like 'son of a bitch'".
"But, Mom," replied Judi, "that's what the teacher taught us, and she said to recite it out loud till we learned it."
Next day Judi's mother went to school with her daughter and right into the classroom to complain. "Oh, heavens!" said the teacher. "That's not what I taught them. They're supposed to say, 'Two plus two, the sum of which is four.' "
_________________________________
There was a Latino man looking for job. The boss asked, " Do you speak English?"
"Yes, Senor," he replied.
The boss continued, "I will test your comprehension, make a sentence with these three words: Green, pink and yellow."
The Latino man laughed, "That's easy, Senor. Here it is : The phone GREENS, I PINK it up and say YELLOW"
_________________________________
A duck walked into a pharmacy, and waddled back to the druggist's counter. The druggist looked at him and chuckled, "Hey little fella! What can I do for you?"
The duck says, "I'd like a box of condoms please."
The pharmacist says, "Well, sure! Would you like me to put
that on your bill?"
The duck says, "I'm not that kind of duck!"
