Jokes

[SweptbackFlame]

Dear Walter,

Why is it that I gag when I brush my tongue, but not when I give my boyfriend Oral Sex?

Well Obviously Your Tootbrush is bigger!




I lol'd at this for a good 30 minutes lol

 

[muzmaze]

I just heard that Obama has already tinted the windows to the Whitehouse...dear God.

 

[divine_torture]

...and Abes wife was known to be a real bitch as well!

Mary- Abe you never ever do anything with me...lets spend a nice night at the theater?

Abe- o.k. Mary lets go to the theater.

Mary- its about time you put aside your presidency and spend some q-time with me.

Abe- God this show is dreadful...why did I come to this theater, somebody please shoot me.

BANG!

Wasn't this on Family Guy or something? Rip off.

Some muffins got pulled out of the oven and were cooling on the counter. One muffin said to the other "It sure was hot in that oven wasn't it?". The other muffin ran away screaming "Oh my god a talking muffin!".

 

[V.V.V.V.V.]

I just heard that Obama has already tinted the windows to the Whitehouse...dear God.

They see me decidin', they hatin'!

 

[Valerie]

I just heard that Obama has already tinted the windows to the Whitehouse...dear God.

You mean... the Blackhouse.

 

[muzmaze]

...and the Oval Office is shaped like what fruit???

 

[ThisIsACoolName]

Wasn't this on Family Guy or something? Rip off.

Adam Ferrara made this joke in his stand-up routine, though I'm sure it's been made many times before then. It's not terribly clever. Amusing, but also fairly obvious.

 

[muzmaze]

^
Yep, thats the guy. I was going to post / Youtube his routine but I couldn't remember his name. The Abe Lincoln thing is silly...but overall he is a pretty funny guy.

 

[whiskey funeral]

BUMP for new jokes and/or funny stories. PLEASE. I am miserable.

 

[monoxide_child]

a talking penguin is wearing a watch while driving a car

the car starts making smoke and funny noises, so the penguin drives it into a mechanic's shop that's part of a stripmall of food places

the mechanic is so busy that day, he says it will be a whole hour before he can even tell the penguin what's wrong with his car, let alone fix it

so the penguin walks through the various different food stores looking at foodstuff and eventually eating vanilla icecream

penquin looks at his watch and a whole hour's gone by and he waddles back over to the mechanic who is bent over the penguin's car

the penguin asks
"can you tell me what's wrong with it yet??"
the mechanic turns around to look the customer in the eye and says "looks like you blew a seal"

the penguin says "no i didn't, all i had was an ice-cream-cone, i swear!!"

 

[monoxide_child]

http://www.google.com/#output=searc...661,d.aWc&fp=e20a34a9644e4d30&biw=792&bih=425