Ender Rises
Wass sappening?
I know. When have you ever known me to take a gay joke at my expense personally?
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I know. When have you ever known me to take a gay joke at my expense personally?
cookiecutter
Proceed to Ultraslamming
Ender Rises
Wass sappening?
Zephyrus
Tyrants and Slaves
Oblivious Maximus
I am the worm
This guy's driving and see's an apple stand, with a sign that reads "Apple's, $10 a pound". The guy go's up to the man selling them and asks "why so expensive their just apples?". The salesman replies, "well these are special apples, they taste like a sandwitch." The guy asks "what kind of sandwitch?" "Penut butter and jelly" the salesman replies. "Mind if I try one?" the man asks?" "Sure..." so he takes a bite and sure enough... "hey this tastes like penut butter"... turns the apple over... "this takes like jelly!"
Further on up the road he see's another apple stand, this time the sign reads "Apples, $100 a pound". He drives up to it and ask the salesman "why $100 a pound whats so special about these apples". The salesman answers, "well these are special, they taste like a ham and cheese sandwitch." The man asks to try one... "hey this tastes like ham"... turns the apple over... "hey this tastes like cheese!"
Even further on up the road he sees yet another apple stand... "Apple's, $1000 a pound". He thinks "wow $1000" so he drives up and tells the salesman "now what makes these so special to be $1000 a pound?" The salesman says "these are real special, they taste like pussy." The man goes "pussy!, I gotta try one!". He takes a bite... "what the... this apple tastes like shit!" The salesman replies "well yeah turn it over".
Further on up the road he see's another apple stand, this time the sign reads "Apples, $100 a pound". He drives up to it and ask the salesman "why $100 a pound whats so special about these apples". The salesman answers, "well these are special, they taste like a ham and cheese sandwitch." The man asks to try one... "hey this tastes like ham"... turns the apple over... "hey this tastes like cheese!"
Even further on up the road he sees yet another apple stand... "Apple's, $1000 a pound". He thinks "wow $1000" so he drives up and tells the salesman "now what makes these so special to be $1000 a pound?" The salesman says "these are real special, they taste like pussy." The man goes "pussy!, I gotta try one!". He takes a bite... "what the... this apple tastes like shit!" The salesman replies "well yeah turn it over".
False Joe
Who cares.
angelic-rage
Member
Doctor: I have good news and bad news.
Patient: Go with the good news first.
Doctor: You have 24 hours to live.
Patient: What!?! How about the bad news?
Doctor: Um... I forgot to tell you yesterday
Patient: Go with the good news first.
Doctor: You have 24 hours to live.
Patient: What!?! How about the bad news?
Doctor: Um... I forgot to tell you yesterday
Vimana
Member
- Mar 2, 2007
- 11,671
- 20
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Two I heard today.
A Rabbi, a Minister, and a Priest are camping. They have a contest to see who can convert the bears. The Priest goes into the woods and comes out happy and says "I preached to a bear and he loved it". The Minister goes into the woods and comes out happy and said, "I baptized a bear and he loved it". Then the Rabbi goes in, he comes out with a broken arm and bad wounds. They ask the Rabbi "what happened", he said "I started with a circumcision."
A Rabbi, a Minister, and a Priest are fishing. The Priest says "I'm thirsty, I think I will get a soda, he walks across the lake, buys a soda and comes back. The Minister says "I think I'll have one too." He gets up, walks across the lake, buys a soda and comes back. Then the Rabbi says he will get one too, so he gets up, falls in and sinks. The Priest says "do you think we should have told him about the rocks?"
A Rabbi, a Minister, and a Priest are camping. They have a contest to see who can convert the bears. The Priest goes into the woods and comes out happy and says "I preached to a bear and he loved it". The Minister goes into the woods and comes out happy and said, "I baptized a bear and he loved it". Then the Rabbi goes in, he comes out with a broken arm and bad wounds. They ask the Rabbi "what happened", he said "I started with a circumcision."
A Rabbi, a Minister, and a Priest are fishing. The Priest says "I'm thirsty, I think I will get a soda, he walks across the lake, buys a soda and comes back. The Minister says "I think I'll have one too." He gets up, walks across the lake, buys a soda and comes back. Then the Rabbi says he will get one too, so he gets up, falls in and sinks. The Priest says "do you think we should have told him about the rocks?"
Two buddies promise each other that when one passes away, he shall return in spirit and let the living one know if there is baseball in heaven? Sadly one buddy passes away and then shortly returns with good news / bad news.
dead: I have good news and bad news.
living: Whats the good news?
dead: Baseball does exist in heaven!
living: Great! Whats the bad news?
dead: Your pitching this Thursday.
dead: I have good news and bad news.
living: Whats the good news?
dead: Baseball does exist in heaven!
living: Great! Whats the bad news?
dead: Your pitching this Thursday.
Einherjar86
Active Member
Is there a specific reason why you have so many apostrophes where you don't fucking need them?
A Playboy fan, heh?
At a meeting in a synagogue, Yossef asks the Rabbi, "Rabbi, why do people hate us so much?"
The Rabbi says, "that's an interesting question. How about we all talk about it tomorrow over some vodka. Each one of you should bring a bottle so we can mix it in a big pot and drink and discuss, and the answer will become clear."
Yossef went home and thought to himself, "if everyone else is going to bring a bottle of vodka, if I bring a bottle of water then no-one will notice the difference."
And water was what he brought.
The Rabbi poured all the vodka together in one pot and started mixing it.
Yossef got anxious. "Well, Rabbi, what is the answer to my question? Why do people hate us so much?"
The Rabbi filled a cup and said, "drink this Yossef."
Yossef did and said, "but this is water!"
"And this is why the people hate us."
The Rabbi says, "that's an interesting question. How about we all talk about it tomorrow over some vodka. Each one of you should bring a bottle so we can mix it in a big pot and drink and discuss, and the answer will become clear."
Yossef went home and thought to himself, "if everyone else is going to bring a bottle of vodka, if I bring a bottle of water then no-one will notice the difference."
And water was what he brought.
The Rabbi poured all the vodka together in one pot and started mixing it.
Yossef got anxious. "Well, Rabbi, what is the answer to my question? Why do people hate us so much?"
The Rabbi filled a cup and said, "drink this Yossef."
Yossef did and said, "but this is water!"
"And this is why the people hate us."
V.V.V.V.V.
Houses Ov Mercury
Those are called quotation marks, and you often use them when someone is saying something and you want to denote it visually.
Einherjar86
Active Member
No, reread his post. There's a ton of apostrophes where they don't need to be:
see's
apple's
go's (wtf?)
It annoys me when I read continuously improper punctuation.
Also, I didn't mean to sound rash in my last post. I was slightly drunk.
see's
apple's
go's (wtf?)
It annoys me when I read continuously improper punctuation.
Also, I didn't mean to sound rash in my last post. I was slightly drunk.
V.V.V.V.V.
Houses Ov Mercury
angelic-rage
Member
how do you get 54 jews in a vw beetle?
2 in the front, two in the back and fifty in the ashtray.
2 in the front, two in the back and fifty in the ashtray.
Zephyrus
Tyrants and Slaves
angelic-rage
Member
Idk...I think maybe I had heard it before. But it's still funny.
Hard to believe, I know...
Tasteless, and not funny.
Better:
How do you get 4 Jews in a VW beetle?
Toss a quarter in
How do you get them out again?
Ask who's paying for gas.
The Ozzman
Melted by feels
Epic bump:
What was the first question Abe Lincoln asked after coming off a three day drinking binge?
I freed who?
What was the first question Abe Lincoln asked after coming off a three day drinking binge?
I freed who?
...and Abes wife was known to be a real bitch as well!
Mary- Abe you never ever do anything with me...lets spend a nice night at the theater?
Abe- o.k. Mary lets go to the theater.
Mary- its about time you put aside your presidency and spend some q-time with me.
Abe- God this show is dreadful...why did I come to this theater, somebody please shoot me.
BANG!
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