The official "Tell your lame jokes" thread
- Thread starter MFJ
- Start date
Henrik Main
Hello
NAD
What A Horrible Night To Have A Curse
Oh shit no, if someone even approached my stout with a lemon they'd get kicked in the shin. 
Every April my town has an Orange Blossom Festival which is like a gigantic fair with tons of shitty shit to purchase for no good reason, but the most important thing is the annual batch of RBC's Orange Blossom Ale is crafted, usually their finest beer of the year. Each year I travel (along with anywhere from 3 to 30 other people) to the pub around 10am to get a seat, and spend the next 6 hours consuming Orange Blossom Ale. Afterwards we all stumble around and head to the Beer Gardens, where many brewers from all over California come to give inexpensive samples, and we get shithoused even more. I've disovered some of my favorite beers thanks to the Beer Gardens, sometimes I can't remember them though. 2003 was my favorite festival, because I was around a whole bunch of people, got royally hosed all day long, then spent the entire night in a Mexican restaurant farting so loudly and continuously that all the girls I was with couldn't help but crack up. I even scored that night!
What a glorious day each year, I even hang out with people I don't like and enjoy their company.
Every April my town has an Orange Blossom Festival which is like a gigantic fair with tons of shitty shit to purchase for no good reason, but the most important thing is the annual batch of RBC's Orange Blossom Ale is crafted, usually their finest beer of the year. Each year I travel (along with anywhere from 3 to 30 other people) to the pub around 10am to get a seat, and spend the next 6 hours consuming Orange Blossom Ale. Afterwards we all stumble around and head to the Beer Gardens, where many brewers from all over California come to give inexpensive samples, and we get shithoused even more. I've disovered some of my favorite beers thanks to the Beer Gardens, sometimes I can't remember them though. 2003 was my favorite festival, because I was around a whole bunch of people, got royally hosed all day long, then spent the entire night in a Mexican restaurant farting so loudly and continuously that all the girls I was with couldn't help but crack up. I even scored that night!
What a glorious day each year, I even hang out with people I don't like and enjoy their company.
Henrik Main
Hello
Erik said:
I know it's not your fault, but AAAAAAAAARGH, do I hate "orddelingsfeil". Why isn't it called "Bjørnebryg(g)"? Argh. "Hej, grabbar, har ni sett bil nøklene?"
And that picture thing was a joke, really. I like both desolate landscapes that can be found in the North, and I also enjoy the citylife now and then.
NAD
What A Horrible Night To Have A Curse
I'd say the north and south are both quite beautiful. Especially the slutz (I speak of the caribou).
NAD
What A Horrible Night To Have A Curse
Yeah I figured I'd be wrong, but caribou is such a goofy sounding word that I use it whenever possible.
My favorite lamejoke ever: Rectum!? It nearly killed him!
My favorite lamejoke ever: Rectum!? It nearly killed him!
mousewings
Member
- Nov 21, 2001
- 3,626
- 84
- 48
What's black, white, and red all over?
A penguin with a sunburn.
A joke which was on ABC's Lost. I'm suffering from Lost deprivation.
That Norway guy is cute. He should sue for millions then he'd be cute and rich. Still he has bad taste in drinks. Maybe he likes Mayer too.
A penguin with a sunburn.
A joke which was on ABC's Lost. I'm suffering from Lost deprivation.
That Norway guy is cute. He should sue for millions then he'd be cute and rich. Still he has bad taste in drinks.
Maybe he likes Mayer too. 
MajestikMøøse
Membrum virile
Henrik Main said:THE SOUTH:
I think I'd choose the latter.
You Choose THE FATE WORSE THAN DEATH
Whats red, pink, silver, and runs into walls?
A baby, after i jab FORKS, into its EYES.
Whats red pink and lies in all 4 corners of the room?
A baby, after i let it play with my chainsaw.
Whats red pink orange black brown blue green cyan and chained to my front porch?
My pet my pals and ill paint him watever fuckin' color i want to.
A baby, after i jab FORKS, into its EYES.
Whats red pink and lies in all 4 corners of the room?
A baby, after i let it play with my chainsaw.
Whats red pink orange black brown blue green cyan and chained to my front porch?
My pet my pals and ill paint him watever fuckin' color i want to.
HarmonyDies....
Semi-True
mousewings
Member
- Nov 21, 2001
- 3,626
- 84
- 48
Hahaha. That reminds me of the Bookdocks segment where the Black Santa tells the kids that if it were up to him, Christmas would be on the 26th/Boxing Day.HarmonyDies.... said:
Reign in Acai
Of Elephant and Man
A black guy is waiting for the next bus to arrive. However, he's starting to feel a little weight on his colon. After looking around to make sure that the coast is clear, he drops his pants and takes a huge shit on the bus bench. Relieved, he puts his pants on as if nothing just occured. 9 minutes pass by and the bus finally arrives. The black guy reaches for some change.
Black Guy: How much is the fare?
Bus Driver: $1.35 for you...90 cents for your little brother.
Black Guy: How much is the fare?
Bus Driver: $1.35 for you...90 cents for your little brother.
Reign in Acai
Of Elephant and Man
What's the difference between (black people) and snow tires?
Snow tires don't sing when you put chains on them
Why did Hitler cry when he got to heaven?
God gave him his gas bill.
What did the the hotdog vendor at the bottom of the WTC say?
"Who ordered the 2 jumbo's? "
What do Dale Earnhardt and pink floyd have in common?
Their last big hit was the wall.
6 year-old Anna arrived home from school with a big smile as she rushed into the kitchen to tell her mother "Jordan Stewart from my class showed me his thingy today!!!"
Just before her mother started to go nuts Anna added with a frown "It reminded me of a peanut."
Mum relaxed a little and with a little hidden smile, she asked Anna "Really? Is that because it was a small little thingy?"
"No," Anna replied "....... 'cos it tasted all salty."
Why can't Stevie Wonder read?
Because he's black.
what's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Walken
A guy walks into a whore house and tells the head woman that he only has 10 bucks. She tells him the usual rate is a hundred dollars, but that she might have something for him. He says he's desperate, so she shows him to a dark back room with a dead chicken in it, strapped down to a bed, and looking like this won't be its first time. The guy only hesitates for a minute before handing over his 10 bucks and fucking the shit out of the chicken.
A week later he comes back to the same whore house and sees the head lady. He tells her he's been working his ass off and now has the money to spare for the real deal. He hands her the hundred bucks and is led to a hallway in front of what looks to be a two way mirror. All along the hallway there are dudes beating it furiously to what is on the other side of the mirror, two hot blond bombshells fucking some lucky guy. He whips out his dick and right before he starts to wack it, he turns to the guy next to him and says "man, this is great!"
The guy next to him replies "you should have seen last week, there was some guy fucking a dead chicken!"
what's a jew biggest dilemma?
-free pork
what do you get when you cross breed a mexican and a Chinese
- a car thief who cant drive-
How do you stop 5 black men from raping a woman?
-Throw them a basketball!
What was so bad about being a black Jew?
You had to sit in the back of the oven.
A bus load of negars going to DC for the Million Coon March overturns on a Texas road and negars are thrown everywhere. A few minutes later a farmer driving his back hoe comes upon the accident and starts burying the bodies. Just as he is completing the job a cop pulls up and asks "What happened here?" The farmer replies " I came upon this accident and started burying the bodies." Then the cop asks "Are you sure they were all dead?" The farmer answers, "Well some said they were still alive, but you know how those negars lie."
why does LA have all the mexicans, and NY has all the negars?
LA had first choice.
there's a treasure chest in the center of a room. Superman, Spiderman, a smart African-American and a stupid negar are each standing in each corner of the room, who gets the treasure?
the dumb negar, because the other 3 don't exist
Snow tires don't sing when you put chains on them
Why did Hitler cry when he got to heaven?
God gave him his gas bill.
What did the the hotdog vendor at the bottom of the WTC say?
"Who ordered the 2 jumbo's? "
What do Dale Earnhardt and pink floyd have in common?
Their last big hit was the wall.
6 year-old Anna arrived home from school with a big smile as she rushed into the kitchen to tell her mother "Jordan Stewart from my class showed me his thingy today!!!"
Just before her mother started to go nuts Anna added with a frown "It reminded me of a peanut."
Mum relaxed a little and with a little hidden smile, she asked Anna "Really? Is that because it was a small little thingy?"
"No," Anna replied "....... 'cos it tasted all salty."
Why can't Stevie Wonder read?
Because he's black.
what's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Walken
A guy walks into a whore house and tells the head woman that he only has 10 bucks. She tells him the usual rate is a hundred dollars, but that she might have something for him. He says he's desperate, so she shows him to a dark back room with a dead chicken in it, strapped down to a bed, and looking like this won't be its first time. The guy only hesitates for a minute before handing over his 10 bucks and fucking the shit out of the chicken.
A week later he comes back to the same whore house and sees the head lady. He tells her he's been working his ass off and now has the money to spare for the real deal. He hands her the hundred bucks and is led to a hallway in front of what looks to be a two way mirror. All along the hallway there are dudes beating it furiously to what is on the other side of the mirror, two hot blond bombshells fucking some lucky guy. He whips out his dick and right before he starts to wack it, he turns to the guy next to him and says "man, this is great!"
The guy next to him replies "you should have seen last week, there was some guy fucking a dead chicken!"
what's a jew biggest dilemma?
-free pork
what do you get when you cross breed a mexican and a Chinese
- a car thief who cant drive-
How do you stop 5 black men from raping a woman?
-Throw them a basketball!
What was so bad about being a black Jew?
You had to sit in the back of the oven.
A bus load of negars going to DC for the Million Coon March overturns on a Texas road and negars are thrown everywhere. A few minutes later a farmer driving his back hoe comes upon the accident and starts burying the bodies. Just as he is completing the job a cop pulls up and asks "What happened here?" The farmer replies " I came upon this accident and started burying the bodies." Then the cop asks "Are you sure they were all dead?" The farmer answers, "Well some said they were still alive, but you know how those negars lie."
why does LA have all the mexicans, and NY has all the negars?
LA had first choice.
there's a treasure chest in the center of a room. Superman, Spiderman, a smart African-American and a stupid negar are each standing in each corner of the room, who gets the treasure?
the dumb negar, because the other 3 don't exist
Mormagil
bring back the corvee
dill_the_devil
OneMetal.com Music Editor
An Englishman, an Irishman, and an American are hanging out on the roof of a forty-storey building. Apropros of nothing, the American produces a hip flask, turns to the Irishman, and proclaims:
"I bet you that I can take a swig from this flask, run to the edge of the building, and leap off - and not only will I not fall, but I will in fact soar majestically into the air, circle this roof three times, then land exactly where I'm standing now."
Well, the Irishman is understandably sceptical, and dares the American to prove his boast. So, exuding confidence from every pore, the American spins the cap off the flask, takes a hearty draught of the liquor therein, and then, pausing only to screw the cap back onto the flask and place it back in his pocket, proceeds to launch himself without hesitation from the roof's edge - and from there, to become unmoored from gravity's pull, swooping with grace around the roof before landing next to the stunned Irishman.
Laughing at the Irishman's amazed expression, the American magnanimously offers the following: "Don't worry, dude - it's all because of what's in the flask. Have a go if you fancy."
The Irishman is naturally thrilled at the prospect of breaking free from physics' cruel grasp, and takes the American's proferred flask. Having necked the remainder of the container's contents, he unhesitantly runs for the roof's edge, leaping off it - before plummeting forty storeys to a messy death.
As the remaining rooftop dwellers watch the crowds on the street below gather around the expanding pool of blood and flesh that was once their companion, the Englishman turns to the American, and with disdain in his voice, says:
"Sometimes, Superman, you can be a real cunt."
"I bet you that I can take a swig from this flask, run to the edge of the building, and leap off - and not only will I not fall, but I will in fact soar majestically into the air, circle this roof three times, then land exactly where I'm standing now."
Well, the Irishman is understandably sceptical, and dares the American to prove his boast. So, exuding confidence from every pore, the American spins the cap off the flask, takes a hearty draught of the liquor therein, and then, pausing only to screw the cap back onto the flask and place it back in his pocket, proceeds to launch himself without hesitation from the roof's edge - and from there, to become unmoored from gravity's pull, swooping with grace around the roof before landing next to the stunned Irishman.
Laughing at the Irishman's amazed expression, the American magnanimously offers the following: "Don't worry, dude - it's all because of what's in the flask. Have a go if you fancy."
The Irishman is naturally thrilled at the prospect of breaking free from physics' cruel grasp, and takes the American's proferred flask. Having necked the remainder of the container's contents, he unhesitantly runs for the roof's edge, leaping off it - before plummeting forty storeys to a messy death.
As the remaining rooftop dwellers watch the crowds on the street below gather around the expanding pool of blood and flesh that was once their companion, the Englishman turns to the American, and with disdain in his voice, says:
"Sometimes, Superman, you can be a real cunt."
MajestikMøøse
Membrum virile
I get unbelievable urges to erase every ΚΣ fraternity logo chalked on walls across campus and replace them with a Ξ
Only one other human being laughed at that.
ever.
Only one other human being laughed at that.
ever.
