My all time favourite band. Anyone else a fan? Anyway, here's the lyrics to Ooh Crikey, It's Lawnmower Deth! They don't write 'em like this any more....
*******************************
1. Spook Pery Happenings In The Snooker Hall
Pointy teeth as sharp as blades,
Ray Reardon haircut fallen from grace,
Pointy sticks - they make him mad,
'Cos Dracula was our Ray's dad.
Spook, Pery, Snooker Hall
Crowley once challenged Ray to a game
Losing your soul was the paying stake,
Crowley used garlic, brightstone and fire,
'Cos fucking Ray Reardon is a vampire.
Ray Reardon, Ray Reardon,
We are all doomed
Spook, Pery, Snooker Hall
Referee, come clean the white,
Dracula he makes a bite.
2. Betty Ford's Clinic
It's that time of year,
It's time to go abroad,
It's time to go on holiday,
And visit Betty Ford's.
Get some beers right down my neck,
I'm gonna get right out of my head,
I can't help it, I'mnot pure
But Betty Ford's will have the cure.
Alcohol, at Betty Ford's
It's cost me loads of money,
Money I could have blown,
On buying loads of heroin,
And smashing up grainies hortnes
But now I've been to Betty Ford's
Nearlt all my life,
I'm coing to copy Uzzy,
And go and kill my wife.
3. Weebles Wobble But They Don't Fall Down
Weebles wobble but they don't fall down
Weebles are around,
Don't fall down
Weeble wobble, Weeble wobble,Weeble wobble,Weeble wobble,
Weeble wobble,Weeble wobble,
Don't fall down.
4. Sheepdip
All year long we get a rough deal,
Chewing at grass, enslaved in fields,
Mowers in jumpers we're destined to be
Slaughtered and turned into Big Mac of Wimpey.
Baaaa
Lrry Lamb is God,
Bugger off,
Ariba, ariba,
Ie ou,
Bollocks!
Out of the sheepdip we must now rise,
Destroy the state we so despise,
With barbed glove in hand we'll destroy the bastards,
As sheep lobby breaks free of pasture.
Here he comes, he won't stop bleeding,
Malicious rebellion, farmer retreating,
Crocogator, sheep war cry,
One moon gun, the farmer must die.
All year long we get a rough deal,
Chewing at grass, enslaved in fields,
Mowers in jumpers we're destined to be
Slaughtered and turned into Big Mac of Wimpy.
5. Lancer With Your Zancer
When King Arthur sat down,
On the river bank,
He had a mighty vision,
It really was quite wank.
Lancer with your zancer
Oi, Arthur,
Come over here,
Take thi sword,
Now fuck off.
Now so off he went,
Back to see his one and only Gwendoline,
In his hand he held,
His sword and a pot of Vasele,
He thought it was time,
To try and prove that he really was a man,
He thought it was quicker
Getting hiome in the back of a Transit van.
In he walked, up the stairs,
Found his Mrs. wearing flares,
He was not pleased, you could tell,
He dropped his sword, the Vaseline fell.
Hey, Arthur, you're my man,
If you can't do it, no-one can,
I like your sword, it feels so good,
Don't you think we should be stooo?
Here we go dear, here's my hand,
Let me place it on your gland,
Come on dear, take my stick,
An with it I'll show you a trick
Come on dear, I'm getting angry,
And my zance is becoming dangly,
Then it' time we ate,
I'll give you your dinner on a plate.
The sword was needed no more,
So he dropped it onto the floor,
Into the corner it started to cower,
'Cos his sword was losing power.
THis is a story that must be told,
To all of you young and old,
If you're going to use your lancer,
Make sure it's got a big zancer.
6. Can I Cultivate Your Groinal Garden?
Can I cultivate your groinal garden?
7. Flying Killer Cobs From The Planet Bob
Too much too high
You smoke, you die
Flying killer cobs from the planet Bob,
His mega mental shooter stuck in your gob,
Flying killer cobs from the planet Bob,
You're in big troud now, you're starting to sob.
Just one smoke that all it takes,
Take a couple of drags, see purple lakes,
You've smoked toomuch, you're starting to sob,
Now you're going toanswer to the planet of cobs.
His teeth are sharp, his teeth are big,
The chainsaws he uses, ain't not for cunning twigs.
Too much, too high,
You smoke, you die
Hey, what's the problem with drugs these days,
I mean, what the fuck does it matter,
If I get a goddamn acid tablet,
And shove it down the end of my penis.
Too much, too high,
You smoke, you die
Flying killer cobs from the planet Bob,
His mega mental shooter stuck in your gob,
Flying killer cobs from the planet Bob,
You're in big troud now, you're starting to sob.
8. Did You Spill My Pint?
Stood next to me,
The first degree,
I saw the fall,
And hit the floor.
Did you spill my pint?
I've got no beer,
It means I'm queer,
I'll start a fight,
Punch out your lights.
Did you eat my Dou-bial burger?
9. Seventh Church Of The Apocalyptic Lawnmower (Skank Mix)
Enter the church,
See the death,
Hear the lawnmower,
On Satan's breath.
CHORUS:
Enter the church of the Apocalyptic Lawnmower
Rape the virgin,
Blades destroy the cross,
Blood, gore and carnage,
The lawnmower mosh.
Enter the church of the Apocalyptic Lawnmower
Decomposing grassboxes,
Carnage, blood and gore,
Satanistic lawnmowers,
Craving for more.
Enter the church of the Apocalyptic Lawnmower
Bob Marley ...AAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH.
10. Rad Dude
Don't talk to me about your scene,
And that anarcho ideas are more than dreams,
You've got a board and a baseball hat,
Don't fill me with your right on crap.
So you've got a board - Rad Dude,
And youlisten to sod - Rad Dude,
And the scene is heaven - Rad Dude,
You're only eleven - Rad Dude.
No meat, no food, no sex,
Younever get the opportunity to shop at Next,
You wish you were a big puffy glam,
Then you wouldn't have to give a damn.
Then I could spray my hair,
About the ozone layer, I wouldn't care.
Then I wish I was glam,
Then I wouldn't give a damn,
Then I could spray my hair,
The ozone layer I don't care
Rad dude
I'm the Rad Dude
11. Sumo Rabbit And His Inescapable Trap Of Doom
When Sumo Rabbit was let out of his hutch,
You couldn't believe a rabbit looked to butch,
His muscles ripped, there is death within his eyes,
Other forms of life are things he does despise.
Sumo Rabbit goes to nightclubs to kick some trendy ass,
Thye drinks Nuclear Brown so he can have the glass,
Then without a warning, he crushes it in his paw,
Then without a flicker, he'll stuff it in your jaw.
Then he goes to a food-bar to hassle the fuckin' owner,
He starts by telling others that they are all?
Then he has some food but won't pay lot the bill,
THen to top the lot he goes inh for the kill.
Sumo
Into the fighting ring to everyone's surprise,
Sumo throws a rabbit turd between his opponent's eyes,
With a crash and an ear-splitting squeek,
For his opponent it's the end of the fuckin' week.
12. Maim Mower, Maim
Big
Green
Hungry
Mean
Maim mower, maim
Inyour garden on your lawn,
With your mower,
Bobbing along doing jobs,
Thinking life's just fine,
Youbend down, the mower frowns,
You wonder why you bother,
You bend down, the mower frowms,
The last thing thatyou do.
Blades are turning, burning, churning,
Ripping at your flesh,
Crashing, thrashing, mashing, bashring,
Taking you lastbreath
Big
Mean
Hungry
Greeb
Maim mower, maim.
13. Cobwoman Of Deth Meets Mr. Smellymop
Cobwoman of substance
Bring me a cheese scone,
Filled with yummy entrails,
Let me dvour your ice cream buns.
Peroy Thrower hamburgers dear,
Pork pies filled with Roy Kinnear,
Annie Lenox little baby,
Covered with orions with lots of gravy.
Mega-fast with clinically insane inane remblings
[Ad lib],
Cobwoman of Deth meets
Mr. Smellymop
With this cheese cob I'll save the nation,
Save my tummy from starvation.
Do you wanna thrash?
Cobwoman of Deth meets
Mr. Smellymop
14. Got No Legs? Don't Come Crawling To Me
You've got no legs, don't come crawling to me
15. Icky Ficky
One, two, three, four.
My name's Mr. Normaltyon,
I'm just an ordinary typr of bloke,
My life's mundane, I hate my job,
My life's mundane, I'm uch a knob.
I don't go icky ficky,
I don't go icky ficky ficky
I don't go bling, dong, bling, dong,
I don't go ough, ahh, ough, ahh,
I don't go biddleiddleiddleiddle,
I don't go one, three, four.
My name's Mr. Normaltyon,
I'm just an ordinary typr of bloke,
My life's mundane, I hate my job,
My life's mundane, I'm uch a knob.
16. Judgement Day (Assume The Position)
My boss at work,
Is such a twat,
He wants to spank my bottom,
With a cricket bat.
He says he'll use,
A Gunn and Moore,
And spank my bottom 'till,
It's really sore.
Ooh he spanks me more and more,
'Till my bottom bleeds red raw.
17. Ooh Crikey
OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Crikey!
18. Satan's Trampoline
Big and fat and bouncy,
Rectangle on the floor,
You bounce and bouncer,
'Till you can't take anymore,
You'll bounce for ever, you try and look so mean,
You'll wish you'd never been on Satan's Trampoline.
How he's gone and got you,
He's got you and got you,
He's got you where he wants,
Dressed in shorts and vest,
You look like a real ponce,
You'll bounce for ever, you try and look so mean,
You'll wish you'd never been on Satan's Trampoline.
How many times can you bounce up and down on Satan's big old Trampoline?
I do not know, but I'll let you have a go on Satan's big old trampoline.
19. Dodo Doe
Who cares, if it's fiction of fact?
The editorial management, they know where it's at,
Power to crush, power to praise,
They are lost in a dimwitted daze,
Originallity really sucks, don't mean nothing in their books,
Cliched bands to a written formula,
Guaranteed press writing orders,
Who cares, if it's fiction of fact?
The editorial management, they know where it's at,
Electricfy, crucify,
They create, masturbate,
Thrashing mad, really bad,
Crucify, destroy and die
20. Duck Off
Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, etc.
21. F.A.T. (Facist And Tubby)
Is that your gut?
Or the front of a bus?
You should be ashamed of yourself.
You look like a baloon,
'Cos you're so full of lard,
It's good for none of our health.
You fat bastard
Facist and tubby
22. Punk As Fuck
Punk
As
FUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK
23. Sharp Fucka Blades Of Hades
General defarmatory remarks about Satan, people I don't like, and egg and
cress sandwiches, none of which make the blindest bit of difference, 'cos you
can't understand a bloody word of it anyway!!!
*******************************
1. Spook Pery Happenings In The Snooker Hall
Pointy teeth as sharp as blades,
Ray Reardon haircut fallen from grace,
Pointy sticks - they make him mad,
'Cos Dracula was our Ray's dad.
Spook, Pery, Snooker Hall
Crowley once challenged Ray to a game
Losing your soul was the paying stake,
Crowley used garlic, brightstone and fire,
'Cos fucking Ray Reardon is a vampire.
Ray Reardon, Ray Reardon,
We are all doomed
Spook, Pery, Snooker Hall
Referee, come clean the white,
Dracula he makes a bite.
2. Betty Ford's Clinic
It's that time of year,
It's time to go abroad,
It's time to go on holiday,
And visit Betty Ford's.
Get some beers right down my neck,
I'm gonna get right out of my head,
I can't help it, I'mnot pure
But Betty Ford's will have the cure.
Alcohol, at Betty Ford's
It's cost me loads of money,
Money I could have blown,
On buying loads of heroin,
And smashing up grainies hortnes
But now I've been to Betty Ford's
Nearlt all my life,
I'm coing to copy Uzzy,
And go and kill my wife.
3. Weebles Wobble But They Don't Fall Down
Weebles wobble but they don't fall down
Weebles are around,
Don't fall down
Weeble wobble, Weeble wobble,Weeble wobble,Weeble wobble,
Weeble wobble,Weeble wobble,
Don't fall down.
4. Sheepdip
All year long we get a rough deal,
Chewing at grass, enslaved in fields,
Mowers in jumpers we're destined to be
Slaughtered and turned into Big Mac of Wimpey.
Baaaa
Lrry Lamb is God,
Bugger off,
Ariba, ariba,
Ie ou,
Bollocks!
Out of the sheepdip we must now rise,
Destroy the state we so despise,
With barbed glove in hand we'll destroy the bastards,
As sheep lobby breaks free of pasture.
Here he comes, he won't stop bleeding,
Malicious rebellion, farmer retreating,
Crocogator, sheep war cry,
One moon gun, the farmer must die.
All year long we get a rough deal,
Chewing at grass, enslaved in fields,
Mowers in jumpers we're destined to be
Slaughtered and turned into Big Mac of Wimpy.
5. Lancer With Your Zancer
When King Arthur sat down,
On the river bank,
He had a mighty vision,
It really was quite wank.
Lancer with your zancer
Oi, Arthur,
Come over here,
Take thi sword,
Now fuck off.
Now so off he went,
Back to see his one and only Gwendoline,
In his hand he held,
His sword and a pot of Vasele,
He thought it was time,
To try and prove that he really was a man,
He thought it was quicker
Getting hiome in the back of a Transit van.
In he walked, up the stairs,
Found his Mrs. wearing flares,
He was not pleased, you could tell,
He dropped his sword, the Vaseline fell.
Hey, Arthur, you're my man,
If you can't do it, no-one can,
I like your sword, it feels so good,
Don't you think we should be stooo?
Here we go dear, here's my hand,
Let me place it on your gland,
Come on dear, take my stick,
An with it I'll show you a trick
Come on dear, I'm getting angry,
And my zance is becoming dangly,
Then it' time we ate,
I'll give you your dinner on a plate.
The sword was needed no more,
So he dropped it onto the floor,
Into the corner it started to cower,
'Cos his sword was losing power.
THis is a story that must be told,
To all of you young and old,
If you're going to use your lancer,
Make sure it's got a big zancer.
6. Can I Cultivate Your Groinal Garden?
Can I cultivate your groinal garden?
7. Flying Killer Cobs From The Planet Bob
Too much too high
You smoke, you die
Flying killer cobs from the planet Bob,
His mega mental shooter stuck in your gob,
Flying killer cobs from the planet Bob,
You're in big troud now, you're starting to sob.
Just one smoke that all it takes,
Take a couple of drags, see purple lakes,
You've smoked toomuch, you're starting to sob,
Now you're going toanswer to the planet of cobs.
His teeth are sharp, his teeth are big,
The chainsaws he uses, ain't not for cunning twigs.
Too much, too high,
You smoke, you die
Hey, what's the problem with drugs these days,
I mean, what the fuck does it matter,
If I get a goddamn acid tablet,
And shove it down the end of my penis.
Too much, too high,
You smoke, you die
Flying killer cobs from the planet Bob,
His mega mental shooter stuck in your gob,
Flying killer cobs from the planet Bob,
You're in big troud now, you're starting to sob.
8. Did You Spill My Pint?
Stood next to me,
The first degree,
I saw the fall,
And hit the floor.
Did you spill my pint?
I've got no beer,
It means I'm queer,
I'll start a fight,
Punch out your lights.
Did you eat my Dou-bial burger?
9. Seventh Church Of The Apocalyptic Lawnmower (Skank Mix)
Enter the church,
See the death,
Hear the lawnmower,
On Satan's breath.
CHORUS:
Enter the church of the Apocalyptic Lawnmower
Rape the virgin,
Blades destroy the cross,
Blood, gore and carnage,
The lawnmower mosh.
Enter the church of the Apocalyptic Lawnmower
Decomposing grassboxes,
Carnage, blood and gore,
Satanistic lawnmowers,
Craving for more.
Enter the church of the Apocalyptic Lawnmower
Bob Marley ...AAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH.
10. Rad Dude
Don't talk to me about your scene,
And that anarcho ideas are more than dreams,
You've got a board and a baseball hat,
Don't fill me with your right on crap.
So you've got a board - Rad Dude,
And youlisten to sod - Rad Dude,
And the scene is heaven - Rad Dude,
You're only eleven - Rad Dude.
No meat, no food, no sex,
Younever get the opportunity to shop at Next,
You wish you were a big puffy glam,
Then you wouldn't have to give a damn.
Then I could spray my hair,
About the ozone layer, I wouldn't care.
Then I wish I was glam,
Then I wouldn't give a damn,
Then I could spray my hair,
The ozone layer I don't care
Rad dude
I'm the Rad Dude
11. Sumo Rabbit And His Inescapable Trap Of Doom
When Sumo Rabbit was let out of his hutch,
You couldn't believe a rabbit looked to butch,
His muscles ripped, there is death within his eyes,
Other forms of life are things he does despise.
Sumo Rabbit goes to nightclubs to kick some trendy ass,
Thye drinks Nuclear Brown so he can have the glass,
Then without a warning, he crushes it in his paw,
Then without a flicker, he'll stuff it in your jaw.
Then he goes to a food-bar to hassle the fuckin' owner,
He starts by telling others that they are all?
Then he has some food but won't pay lot the bill,
THen to top the lot he goes inh for the kill.
Sumo
Into the fighting ring to everyone's surprise,
Sumo throws a rabbit turd between his opponent's eyes,
With a crash and an ear-splitting squeek,
For his opponent it's the end of the fuckin' week.
12. Maim Mower, Maim
Big
Green
Hungry
Mean
Maim mower, maim
Inyour garden on your lawn,
With your mower,
Bobbing along doing jobs,
Thinking life's just fine,
Youbend down, the mower frowns,
You wonder why you bother,
You bend down, the mower frowms,
The last thing thatyou do.
Blades are turning, burning, churning,
Ripping at your flesh,
Crashing, thrashing, mashing, bashring,
Taking you lastbreath
Big
Mean
Hungry
Greeb
Maim mower, maim.
13. Cobwoman Of Deth Meets Mr. Smellymop
Cobwoman of substance
Bring me a cheese scone,
Filled with yummy entrails,
Let me dvour your ice cream buns.
Peroy Thrower hamburgers dear,
Pork pies filled with Roy Kinnear,
Annie Lenox little baby,
Covered with orions with lots of gravy.
Mega-fast with clinically insane inane remblings
[Ad lib],
Cobwoman of Deth meets
Mr. Smellymop
With this cheese cob I'll save the nation,
Save my tummy from starvation.
Do you wanna thrash?
Cobwoman of Deth meets
Mr. Smellymop
14. Got No Legs? Don't Come Crawling To Me
You've got no legs, don't come crawling to me
15. Icky Ficky
One, two, three, four.
My name's Mr. Normaltyon,
I'm just an ordinary typr of bloke,
My life's mundane, I hate my job,
My life's mundane, I'm uch a knob.
I don't go icky ficky,
I don't go icky ficky ficky
I don't go bling, dong, bling, dong,
I don't go ough, ahh, ough, ahh,
I don't go biddleiddleiddleiddle,
I don't go one, three, four.
My name's Mr. Normaltyon,
I'm just an ordinary typr of bloke,
My life's mundane, I hate my job,
My life's mundane, I'm uch a knob.
16. Judgement Day (Assume The Position)
My boss at work,
Is such a twat,
He wants to spank my bottom,
With a cricket bat.
He says he'll use,
A Gunn and Moore,
And spank my bottom 'till,
It's really sore.
Ooh he spanks me more and more,
'Till my bottom bleeds red raw.
17. Ooh Crikey
OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Crikey!
18. Satan's Trampoline
Big and fat and bouncy,
Rectangle on the floor,
You bounce and bouncer,
'Till you can't take anymore,
You'll bounce for ever, you try and look so mean,
You'll wish you'd never been on Satan's Trampoline.
How he's gone and got you,
He's got you and got you,
He's got you where he wants,
Dressed in shorts and vest,
You look like a real ponce,
You'll bounce for ever, you try and look so mean,
You'll wish you'd never been on Satan's Trampoline.
How many times can you bounce up and down on Satan's big old Trampoline?
I do not know, but I'll let you have a go on Satan's big old trampoline.
19. Dodo Doe
Who cares, if it's fiction of fact?
The editorial management, they know where it's at,
Power to crush, power to praise,
They are lost in a dimwitted daze,
Originallity really sucks, don't mean nothing in their books,
Cliched bands to a written formula,
Guaranteed press writing orders,
Who cares, if it's fiction of fact?
The editorial management, they know where it's at,
Electricfy, crucify,
They create, masturbate,
Thrashing mad, really bad,
Crucify, destroy and die
20. Duck Off
Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, etc.
21. F.A.T. (Facist And Tubby)
Is that your gut?
Or the front of a bus?
You should be ashamed of yourself.
You look like a baloon,
'Cos you're so full of lard,
It's good for none of our health.
You fat bastard
Facist and tubby
22. Punk As Fuck
Punk
As
FUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK
23. Sharp Fucka Blades Of Hades
General defarmatory remarks about Satan, people I don't like, and egg and
cress sandwiches, none of which make the blindest bit of difference, 'cos you
can't understand a bloody word of it anyway!!!
