Let The Duel Begin!

[Lies and Perfidy]

For the uninformed, I, Reuben "Pyrus" Poling, have hereby challenged Matt "NicodemiX" Scarborough to a duel to avenge his vile and fiendish thievery of my identity and the deadly insult he inserted into his/my signature. The duel is based on the Viking flyting, and will involve me and Matt hurling insults at each other until either one of us forfeits, fails to post within a day, or the judges declare a winner.

The judges for this event, as chosen by the combatants, are:
Lord of Metal
Dead6Skin6Mask6
Wolftribe
Maharet

Also nominated and yet to accept their nomination are:
Stealer of Dreams
Guerilla

Now, let the games begin!

Matt, you are a pimple on a pimple on the ass of the universe. There are substances oozing out of your skin that have caused waste treatments plants to be shut down for failing to meet Texan environmental standards. When you were born, the doctor stabbed your father and raped your mother with the same knife, and a nurse mistook you for a pale turd and nearly flushed you down the toilet. You were only spared because she didn't want to clog the pipes.

I await your riposte.

 

[PlatypusJesus]

*takes his seat as a judge* Oh, very nice chair. Very comfortable. hmm.........*nods off to sleep* *slaps self* *nods at pyrus's insult* *waits for Matt's*

 

[WhiteBeastofWotan]

woah, how did i get to be a judge... coool. *takes seat.... waits patiently*

 

[Durandal]

Ooh, nice one Reubenowski. If that's your opener, I can't wait to see the ones that you're holding in reserves... GO PYRUS w00t w00t!

 

[Tide In Mind Out]

*cries on phasom's porch*

 

[Lies and Perfidy]

Yeah, if Isabel and Guerilla don't accept, CT and Durandal are my reserve choices.

I'm waiting, Matt...

 

[MajestikMøøse]

Ahem

Pyrus, you Opeth lover: Your father never told your mother about the broken condom until she realized that there was no blood on the loveshack bedsheets that month and got suspicious. You were born in the back of an SUV and your first meal were indocrinated by birth to be a vegetarian by a group of ugly fat chicks whom had an obsession with Orlando Bloom and Vin Diesel. This of course changed after you had your cock bitten off by an extremely yappy chiuaiua whereupon you decided to eat canned dogfood instead, thinking that it would help you regenerate your missing appendage.

 

[Tide In Mind Out]

Yeah, if Isabel and Guerilla don't accept, CT and Durandal are my reserve choices.

I'm waiting, Matt...

wee!
i promise not to bleed or pee on the chair:hotjump:

 

[Super Mahrio]

*holds up score cards*
Reuben: 8 points
Matt: 8 points
equally as good! keep it up guys!

 

[MajestikMøøse]

I won't allow durandal to be a judge for this, nor stealer of dreams, since they are your best friend and sister respectively and I claim they would be biased.

 

[Larf03]

* sits back, grabs a beer and enjoys the show...*



This is so metal

 

[PlatypusJesus]

Matt: 6.9 (somewhat incoherent at times)
Reuben: 7.6 (good start)

 

[MajestikMøøse]

You may have your identity back, but the duel proceeds

 

[Lies and Perfidy]

Ahem

Pyrus, you Opeth lover: Your father never told your mother about the broken condom until she realized that there was no blood on the loveshack bedsheets that month and got suspicious. You were born in the back of an SUV and your first meal were indocrinated by birth to be a vegetarian by a group of ugly fat chicks whom had an obsession with Orlando Bloom and Vin Diesel. This of course changed after you had your cock bitten off by an extremely yappy chiuaiua whereupon you decided to eat canned dogfood instead, thinking that it would help you regenerate your missing appendage.

I'll let that one pass, and I think we both know what I'm talking about.

Oh, and I'm withdrawing Guerilla's nomination cause he's not around, and nominating Durandal to replace him. No offense, G-man.

Matt, the smell of your breath has been known to cause strong mens' testicals to shrivel up into their bodies, and the sight of your hideously malformed face makes pregnant women miscarry. Your ass resembles a block of cottage cheese speckled with tiny mushrooms. If testicular cancer was a woman, she wouldn't give you the time of day, you hideous, squirrel-molesting, defective eunuch.

 

[Lies and Perfidy]

I won't allow durandal to be a judge for this, nor stealer of dreams, since they are your best friend and sister respectively and I claim they would be biased.

Pfft, Isabel's going to be biased AGAINST me. As for Durandal, he's very good at being objective. We're used to arguing all the time.

And thanks for giving me my identity back.

 

[MajestikMøøse]

....

...........

..............................................................................


.......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... you win

 

[PlatypusJesus]

whoa...............I don't know if Matt can beat that.....wow.........

 

[PlatypusJesus]

Yeah, I was right.

 

[Lies and Perfidy]

Well, I'll choose to accept your surrender graciously...

...oh, fuck it. Matt stole his one insult from the diary entry where I listed all the things that annoy me. Sick-spleened, horse-fathered cockmunching l337fag.

You have felt the Wrath of the Jewfro.

 

[MajestikMøøse]

yeah... never accept a challenge from a writer to an insult contest. It would exactly as fair if I challenged you to a guitar duel.