Lets talk Turds
- Thread starter NightFlier
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IanDork107
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StephenSLR
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******* THE SHIT LIST **********
Ghost Shit: You know you've shit. There's shit on the toilet paper, but no shit in the bowl.
Teflon Coated Shit: Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of shit on the toilet paper. You have to look in the bowl to be sure you did it.
Gooey Shit: This shit has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your arse 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain them. This shit leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.
Second Thought Shit: You're all done wiping your arse and you're about to stand up when you realise it... you've got some more.
Pop A Vein In Your Forehead Shit: This is the kind of shit that killed
Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from
straining so hard.
Bali Belly Shit: You shit so much you lose 5 kilos.
Right Now Shit: You'd better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually has its head out before get your pants down.
King Kong or Commode Choker Shit: This shit is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. (A coat hanger works well) This kind of shit usually happens at someone else's house.
Wet Cheeks Shit: This shit hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your arse wet.
Wish Shit: You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no shit.
Cement Block or Oh God Shit: You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you shit.
Snake Shit: This shit is fairly soft, about as big around as your thumb and at least 3 feet long.
Cork Shit...Also Known As Floaters: Even after the 3rd flush, it's still
floating there. MY GOD! How do I get rid of it? This shit usually happens at someone else's house.
Mexican Food Shit...Also Known As Screamers: You'll know it's alright to eat again when you're arse stops burning.
Beer Drink Shit: This happens the day after the night before. Normally your shit doesn't smell bad, but this shit is BAD. Usually there's someone
standing outside waiting to use the bathroom. This kind of shit also usually happens at someone else's house.
Demtel Shit: This is a lot like a Second Thought Shit. But wait... There's
still more!
Exorcist Shit: This shit sprays out of your arse like vomit. With a bit of
practice, you can shit in another room and still get it in the bowl.
Bullet Shit...Also Known As Rocks: This is a whole bunch of little shits
about the size of pebbles that fire out of your arse like a machine gun.
Just Then Shit: This is a Right Now Shit 20 seconds later. This shit is
especially bad when you're more than 10 seconds away from a toilet.
Hollywood Movie Shit: This shit is bigger than Ben Hur and is really
impressive. It's usually followed by 2 or 3 more shits that aren't as good
as the original.
Mundane Shit: This shit isn't interesting or exciting at all. It's just a
shit.
Ghost Shit: You know you've shit. There's shit on the toilet paper, but no shit in the bowl.
Teflon Coated Shit: Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of shit on the toilet paper. You have to look in the bowl to be sure you did it.
Gooey Shit: This shit has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your arse 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain them. This shit leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.
Second Thought Shit: You're all done wiping your arse and you're about to stand up when you realise it... you've got some more.
Pop A Vein In Your Forehead Shit: This is the kind of shit that killed
Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from
straining so hard.
Bali Belly Shit: You shit so much you lose 5 kilos.
Right Now Shit: You'd better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually has its head out before get your pants down.
King Kong or Commode Choker Shit: This shit is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. (A coat hanger works well) This kind of shit usually happens at someone else's house.
Wet Cheeks Shit: This shit hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your arse wet.
Wish Shit: You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no shit.
Cement Block or Oh God Shit: You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you shit.
Snake Shit: This shit is fairly soft, about as big around as your thumb and at least 3 feet long.
Cork Shit...Also Known As Floaters: Even after the 3rd flush, it's still
floating there. MY GOD! How do I get rid of it? This shit usually happens at someone else's house.
Mexican Food Shit...Also Known As Screamers: You'll know it's alright to eat again when you're arse stops burning.
Beer Drink Shit: This happens the day after the night before. Normally your shit doesn't smell bad, but this shit is BAD. Usually there's someone
standing outside waiting to use the bathroom. This kind of shit also usually happens at someone else's house.
Demtel Shit: This is a lot like a Second Thought Shit. But wait... There's
still more!
Exorcist Shit: This shit sprays out of your arse like vomit. With a bit of
practice, you can shit in another room and still get it in the bowl.
Bullet Shit...Also Known As Rocks: This is a whole bunch of little shits
about the size of pebbles that fire out of your arse like a machine gun.
Just Then Shit: This is a Right Now Shit 20 seconds later. This shit is
especially bad when you're more than 10 seconds away from a toilet.
Hollywood Movie Shit: This shit is bigger than Ben Hur and is really
impressive. It's usually followed by 2 or 3 more shits that aren't as good
as the original.
Mundane Shit: This shit isn't interesting or exciting at all. It's just a
shit.
You forgot EXPLOSIVE SHIT:
It's a variant of the Just Then Shit. This one happens mostly at public restrooms. You run to the toilet, close the door, start to take off your pants, bend over - and at that very moment, before you place yourself at the correct position (stand hunched so your ass is hovering right above the toilet. Who the hell sits down at public toilets without coating the seat with TP?) your colon explodes, and shit projectiles hit the wall and pipes behind you.
It's a variant of the Just Then Shit. This one happens mostly at public restrooms. You run to the toilet, close the door, start to take off your pants, bend over - and at that very moment, before you place yourself at the correct position (stand hunched so your ass is hovering right above the toilet. Who the hell sits down at public toilets without coating the seat with TP?) your colon explodes, and shit projectiles hit the wall and pipes behind you.
