Magic and Might - rate my lyrics

[Aida_Melodica]

She heard his spell-song in a dream
Setting her heart for him there
The white moon rose, casting down its beams
To match her beauty so fair

The elf-maid rode for the Dark Wood next morn
His golden light flickered through the trees
She could not reach him, her spirit forlorn
Not knowing that with his power he sees

Lust fell upon her
Singing songs, he calmed the storm
Still, he loved another
No angel flies when wings are torn

(Chorus
Learn to live, learn to love, learn to leave
Hear my words in your dreams, never grieve
I promise true, one night I’ll come to you
Your strength born of magic and might

In time, the fair lady met more magic men
Who had heard the Gold Wizard’s song
They opened her eyes, she had magic inside
Clouded by the thoughts that carried on

“The Gold One,” they said “Does not know of these lands,”
“He travels the East with three more.”
“Then I’ll sing my spell!” she declared with raised hands
“And turn his face to me once more!”

His heart remained unchanged
Though his third eye gazed at the silver light
“I’ll head for the West”
“To sing with the bards on Winter Night”

(Chorus)

Rain came down in droughts
Drowning hope and gladness
Her mind full of doubts
Turning lust to madness

“I don’t want to lose you!”
“Come back to me!”

Snow soon turned to ice
Light came out of hiding
Magic brought another
With signs of future tidings

“I reached you before him”
“He sent this with me”

A note lied in the Ice Mage’s hands
Signed with runes of gold
A promise to return to the West lands
Faith reclaims her soul

The elf-maid sang her spells in light
Praised her divinity
She realized her inner might
Would set her madness free

“By my hand, the death of lust”
“I leave your heart in peace”

(Chorus)

 

[Wound]

I'm not a fan of rhyme schemes... they are decent though.

 

[Aida_Melodica]

I'm a beginner when it comes to lyrics/poetry. This was my first shot at an actual metal song, breaking away from my usual folk rock acoustic stuff. I figure as I try and write more, I'll get better at it.

 

[Bryant]

I think it is very cool lyrics, but having said that, I am more into the delivery of a vocalist as opposed to the words themselves. With a vocalist that can project a fantasy and ethereal style in his voice, that would sound great.


bryant

 

[Aida_Melodica]

What about her vocals? I plan to sing it and have a real band back it up, but for now it's my voice and a MIDI synth

 

[Ironbird666]

He, she, doesn't matter much to me. I enjoy hearing someone who can sing regardless of gender. I thought the lyrics were very well written. Let us hear the final version when it's done.

 

[Bryant]

What about her vocals? I plan to sing it and have a real band back it up, but for now it's my voice and a MIDI synth

Oh that does not matter. "Her" vocals is just as good as "his." I would like to hear you sing that. I need a g/f as well, but I can't afford one as my wife spends all of my money. Just teasing, but I have to be the first to flirt with you in this male dominated forum....


Bryant

 

[lord667]

I don't know if you're aware that Might and Magic is the name of a long-running series of computer role-playing games; whether that makes these lyrics better or worse, I leave to your discretion.

 

[Aida_Melodica]

I posted this on another metal forum and someone had told me about the Magic and Might game. I had forgotten about it and was trying to think of the best title that would suit something about spells and strength as "Spells and Strength" kinda sucked. BTW, I don't do long-distance relationships anymore. Last time I checked, I was in California and you were in Alabama, nice try though.

 

[Bryant]

I posted this on another metal forum and someone had told me about the Magic and Might game. I had forgotten about it and was trying to think of the best title that would suit something about spells and strength as "Spells and Strength" kinda sucked. BTW, I don't do long-distance relationships anymore. Last time I checked, I was in California and you were in Alabama, nice try though.

Ha ha ha I was teasing wth you. I don't think that my wife would particularly like me having a g/f even one on the net as that is how I met her.


Anyway, I wouldn't worry about the game title. There is "blatantly ripping something off" and their is the fact that doing something completely different is next to impossible due to the quantity of syuff out there.


Bryant