THANKS A LOT TO EVERYONE, YOU GUYS RULE!!!
It's not BAD or anything. It's just pretty cliché and basic. I didn't notice anything wrong english-wise though. Keep working at it, it doesn't come quickly/easily. I can't write lyrics for my live to be honest.
thanks man!
i wrote the raw version about one year ago,
and filled/changed it from time to time. it seems like i am running in circles but i'll keep this going!
yeah I agree, I've seen worse from bands with labels. It's cliché but if that's what your music needs then it's fine, and if it's something heavy as fuck then IMO it's often not the actual lyrics that matter, but how they are arranged in the music. Cool sounding words FTW.
cool words FTW, haha, yeah, that's how i ever used to write lyrics
this track has to be just heavy, maybe i should set another goal than writing some meaningful lyrics for this one
Well, for example I wrote the lyrics for the Guitar tone competition 3:
you think there's nothing wrong
lost in an endless maze
the bigger picture unraveled
an obscure, broken shell
now struggling on the way
this supposed enlightened path
aimlessly wandering
this long road
what eyes can not behold
the mind should not compute
why have I been so blind?
glazed eyes can't see
you lack the one thing
needed for control
clueless son
apprentice undone
with no oversight
I used a combination of few methods: I first asked for the theme from Jeff (KSE-esquee life struggle/inner growth/learning theme and Andy Sneap forum,
see the post), then Javi sang pseudovocals so I got the approximate syllable/wordcounts and then I just started writing good phrases here and there and then filled out the gaps with a story, then sent it to Jeff who ironed out some grammar stuff I messed up as a non-native english speaker.
As you now have the lenghts down, just write the theme first, write a few good catchphrases you want to emphasize and in the parts you want to emphasize, remove all the parts you think are cliches or just pure shite, and write the rest of the lyrics to form a story.
I tend to use minimal amount of word repetition on the lyrics as possible, because it usually makes the lyrics look pretty cheap. For example you have "you" six times in the first part and five times in the second part in a form or another. Is it really nessecary? Also excess amount of cursing is really cheap and usually just shows lack of skill to write intelligent lyrics (remember why people hated numetal?). If I would have to point out, in my opinion these are the parts that kinda stick to my ears as something that could be improved, but can you tell me where is the hook? also the beginning and the end are important as most people only remember the chorus and maybe the first few lines on the beginning of each section.
every fucking day you tried to
restrain your thoughts of hate
you found another reason
to blame the human race
the only need you feel now
is a blunt knife in your back
scraping out the cold steel
inside your chest
do you know what awaits
on your way to salvation
your blood will be shed
do you know what to fear
when your savior betrays you
fear the void
every fucking day you tried to
forget what man has done
you found another reason
you found another one
the only thing you need now
is a blunt knife in your back
scraping out the cold steel
inside your chest
do you know what awaits
on your way to salvation
your blood will be shed
do you know what to fear
when your savior betrays you
fear the void
your blood will be shed
your faith will bail in void
awesome post, thanks a lot man!
i kinda use similar methods when writing.
first i try to find a "melody" or "rythm" that fits the song.
i often use just yeahs, and ooohs in the beginning.
then i write down like the first things that come to my
mind and then i try to find the right words.
as you already wrote, the word repetitions are my biggest problem.
when i read lyrics from my favorite bands i can't find a rhyme scheme very often, on the contrary i always try to stick to rhymes. maybe i should try
to get this in the background and concentrate on the words/their meaning.
"do you know what awaits, on your way to salvation"...this is
supposed to be the hook/chorus in this track. i thought this was the best part of the track so far...
Lyric writing hint:
If you can read the lyrics out loud (without music) without it sounding ridiculous, you're good to go.
Another thing that bugs me is when singers (usually in metal) try to come off as too dark and "tough guy" sounding. I personally think lyrics are more effective when they feel sincere and realistic. That might just be me though (and it definitely excludes the lyrics in a LOT of metal records these days).
haha, yeah, i wrote this fast metal track and the lyrics came out very dark.
usually i record much softer music using lyrics that are focused on my thoughts, experience etc. the problem is...if i combine this music with my usual lyrics it starts to sound very EMO like so tried to avoid this
Sounds like something you would hear on a Hatebreed album. lol
haha, let me guess, it's the "your blood will be shed" line!
Keep at it. Just write stuff up and edit and piece together lines later! Don't think you're writing for a certain song or that you have to follow a certain structure (unless you have to, of course).
Sometimes what I write is (for the most part) full of clichéd shit, but there might be just that little line/verse/whatever that is worth it.
Take that out and combine it with something else you came up with or start something new.
I keep a pencil and paper beside me on my nightstand because I've found that I come up with stuff just on the edge of falling asleep. The tricky part is waking up...
Writing ideas on the mobile is also handy.
good idea!
i wrote this lyrics like i had to do some homework,
sitting in front of my PC with an empty text file thinking,
"hey dude now you have to write something". very uninspiring
Just remember what Sean Connery once told me..
"Write your first draft with your heart and write your second with your head."
-Paul
good one, thanks!
I always find lyrics are made or broken when phrased / added to melody.
I tend to do my lyrics on the spot (which is ok for me since there is no pressure) with the melody and feel of the song playing. Eg, making the lyrics fit the song.
I also find it useful to take note of things you think or hear people say which if you stop taking for granted, sound plain odd.
Some of mine which I am most proud of...
http://www.myspace.com/mushroomcloudsuk
"I Kick and I scream as I fall into a dream
that I would never awaken from or know if I did
And if I should die in the dead of the night
would the world still be here
If your love would have killed me
I really didn't wanna survive"
But then I almost never write metal.
cool stuff, sounds very inspired!
maybe i am just expecting too much.
writing lyrics that are good to sing/scream,
that fit the song and that do not sound silly...maybe i should focus
just one of these things.
Hey, its all good man. Dont put yourself down.
I have tons of these things written down. Maybe not as long as this but they are down on paper, emails, toliet roll etc
Are you singing the songs?
If not, just leave it as it is and the singer can use what he wants.
In my last band the other guitarist used to write whole songs like this and I would just rape parts from it for verses. The odd line or word for the chorus.
I would just sing nonsense of "nah nah naaa's" and da daa deee's" to get the melody and timing.
As ahjteam pointed out, the hook is very important. Keep it simple.
Also, remember you (or singer) probably has to do this shit live. Screaming 400 words per song not only kills the singer but does nothing for the crowd.
I see bands here every week screaming their balls off and its inaudible because they are struggling to fit it all in. Even Corey Taylor struggles with many of Slipknots verses live.
thanks man!
i am the vocalist, but it's a solo project only,
no live perfporming and stuff. haha,
at least i don't have to care about this
cheers
S.
