metal social blacklist? Help

[sammetalheadz16]

Hey metalheads!
I have had a bit of an issue with metal scene connections. You see, I was friends with a member of one band in the States. I had been going through some personal issues affecting my social skills, and said somethings I shouldn't have. and even though I apologized, the band just stopped talking. OK Fair enough. But then it gets weird. I had changed my FB name for a different reason, then added Lars Petrov from Entombed. Few days passed, never really messaged him. But then I change my name back and BAM! Off Lars' friendslist that day. And then I remembered that Amarth toured with the US band I had issues with. Well, turns out they fed the story to Ted Lundstrom, who has an FB, and I guess he spread the word. Because NOBODY in Scandinavia who plays metal will accept my friend request/messages. Now since I'm moving to Scandinavia, I want to make sure that this doesn't haunt the rest of my metal career. And it's really hurtful because I was going through a problematic time, where I didn't even know my actions were uncalled for Sorry for the length...can the guys in bands here shed some light? i don't think the original band knew how much this ruined my life...

 

[Master_Yoda77]

Who cares if these people don't like you? Fuck them.

 

[sammetalheadz16]

Well it's just that those are the people who I would have to gig with. And open for. And we're talking ALL of Scandinavia. Even the Faroe Islands. Don't get me wrong, they can hate me all they want. But that will cause issues in terms of gigging and all...

 

[HamburgerBoy]

Hey metalheads!
I have had a bit of an issue with metal scene connections. You see, I was friends with a member of one band in the States. I had been going through some personal issues affecting my social skills, and said somethings I shouldn't have. and even though I apologized, the band just stopped talking. OK Fair enough. But then it gets weird. I had changed my FB name for a different reason, then added Lars Petrov from Entombed. Few days passed, never really messaged him. But then I change my name back and BAM! Off Lars' friendslist that day. And then I remembered that Amarth toured with the US band I had issues with. Well, turns out they fed the story to Ted Lundstrom, who has an FB, and I guess he spread the word. Because NOBODY in Scandinavia who plays metal will accept my friend request/messages. Now since I'm moving to Scandinavia, I want to make sure that this doesn't haunt the rest of my metal career. And it's really hurtful because I was going through a problematic time, where I didn't even know my actions were uncalled for Sorry for the length...can the guys in bands here shed some light?

The band never stopped talking. It's because even though you apologized, you felt that it wasn't sufficient and couldn't forgive yourself for your actions. The band could see that you still weren't being yourself and changed they way they interacted with you, but what was mere accommodation you misinterpreted as distancing and in your self-hate you shut them out. You want them to pry you back open, but there's only so much they can do. If you want to fix this, search first and foremost within. The effects of what will happen if you don't are already being seen; you were kicked off of Lars' friends list because he realized he didn't know you and you weren't talking to him. It's literally that simple. Instead, you imagine this large fantastical conspiracy against you. Persecution complexes are very effective at attacking the symptoms of guilt, I will admit. It's the mind's natural defense to assaults on one's conscience, but when the enemy comes from within it manifests itself as a paranoid schizophrenia. And now, not only are you unable to fight the demons of your past and experiencing self-imagined conflicts at present, but you also worry of your future. Your entire career and life hang on the thread of the acceptance of others, because no one wants you nor will they ever, and all because of a single loss of temper? No. You're a narcissist. You may tell me "FUCK YOU, I look at my reflection and see a worthless socially incompetent piece of shit! I cry every night knowing that I cannot change what I have done! I know full and well that I've done wrong, so how can you dare to say that I only care of myself! I only long for the acceptance of others!" all the while missing that every argument you make is self-centered. Realize that punishment is merely a means for correcting behavior, not thought. You can beat yourself up every time you feel a pang of guilt, but that is just another self-defense mechanism. Pain works great in the short-term because it's easy to find and gets your adrenaline pumping, but it's not a cure. Honestly, at this point I can only recommend counseling. The root cause of all of this is far too buried under layers of self-created lies, and I don't expect you to find what you're looking for on a forum that appeals to those that have long given up on a future of social harmony.

 

[sammetalheadz16]

Yeah you're probably right...except the guitarist (guy I flipped at) was the only one who deleted me) the other guys are still on, but I tried reconnecting with them several times. And how do you know so much about what the band does/thinks/knows?

 

[HamburgerBoy]

Yeah you're probably right...except the guitarist (guy I flipped at) was the only one who deleted me) the other guys are still on, but I tried reconnecting with them several times. And how do you know so much about what the band does/thinks/knows?

I don't know the band at all, but I do know delusion when I see it. You "guess Ted Lundstrom spread the word" because he has a Facebook account? Amon Amarth once toured with this band which contains one member you flipped at, therefore it is logical that they're going to tell a band much bigger than them about some petty little squabble that occurred between some random guy nobody knows (you) and the guitarist of that band? You don't explicitly state that your worries are based entirely on suspicions, but it's pretty obvious that they are. I remember when I was expelled from school in 6th grade for threatening to kill a student, I thought my world hand ended too. Everyone hated me I thought. I couldn't ride my bike near the school because someone might recognize me, much like you felt a need to change your Facebook name. I couldn't talk to the students I knew outside of class, because I was so certain that they knew every wrongdoing I had ever committed. It got to the point that I came to rely entirely on internet forums for social communication, and that when someone would create a topic title named "Bah Humbug!" I thought they were abbreviating my internet name and lamenting my presence on their forum. The next step for me was to say "Fuck the world, I KNOW that I'm better than them" and pretty soon I was a 12 year old making political rants on forums, gaining interest in white supremacy, and wishing cancer on forum moderators and their spouses. I had turned into something far worse than I was even before because I felt like I at least knew what I was. And all because I let my paranoia tell me I was instead of opening my heart to those that were truly supportive. Do not let that happen to you because it will only serve to dig you further into a life of being a recluse.

 

[sammetalheadz16]

I can see your point..and about ted...when we were friends, the guitarist said they were all real cool friends with Amarth. So I knew they talked a lot...and thanks for your help. I guess what I didn't state was that I had tried to connect with members of like 7 other bands, all of whom clearly accepted requests from anyone. Sorry, I should've been clearer than "nobody in Scandinavia will talk to me". And I guess I connected all of that to one thing, since they seemed to accept requests from everyone else...i don't know, i mean if it was just lars, then i wouldn't worry. But it's 7 other bands... the original band's name is Lazarus A.D., don't know if you've heard of them