Movies

RoboGeisha
If you want cheesy, campy martial arts action, this movie is perfect. It has cyborg geisha chicks with more weapons than you can shake a stick at: guns, explosives, acidic breast milk, Samurai swords that come out of their armpits, Ninja stars that shoot out of their asses. Don't believe me? Watch the trailer below.

I can't think of a recent B-movie more entertaining than this.

Rating: :headbang::headbang::headbang::headbang::headbang:

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wo-gGes6qig]RoboGeisha[/ame]
 
Today, we lost one of the funniest men in cinema history. Leslie Nielsen died today of pneumonia. He will always be remembered for his performances in Airplane! and The Naked Gun trilogy.

R.I.P. Leslie Nielsen.

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LcKJdmXbBBc]Tribute to Leslie Nielsen[/ame]
 
Tron: Legacy
It's been over 28 years since Disney wowed us with the computer-generated classic Tron, and now, the sequel is out. But is it as good as the original? Actually, not that much. Sure, it has a lot of dazzling effects and trippy neon lights, but the story is flat and the newer characters are not very memorable. And unfortunately, the effects seem pretty weak on IMAX. The musical score by Daft Punk, however, is awesome. Still, if you're a fan of the first film, this one is worth checking out.

Rating: :Spin::Spin::Spin: 1/2

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9szn1QQfas]Tron: Legacy[/ame]
 
And now for the latest movie review:

megapython_large.jpg

Mega Python vs. Gatoroid
Syfy/The Asylum, 2011
Directed by Mary Lambert (Pet Sematary)
Running Time: 90 minutes
Rated TV-14 for graphic violence, strong language and suggestive drug use in the part of everyone involved.

Cast
Debbie Gibson (best known for her hit songs "Foolish Beat" and "Lost in Your Eyes") as Dr. Nikki Riley
Tiffany (best known for her version of "I Think We're Alone Now") as Ranger Terry O'Hara
A Martinez as Dr. Diego Ortiz
Kathryn Joosten (Karen in Desperate Housewives, Dolores in The West Wing) as Angie
Micky Dolenz (of The Monkees) as Himself
Arden Cho (some hot Korean chick) as Gia
Harmony Blossom as some random hot chick that appears in nearly every Asylum movie

Synopsis
Animal rights activist Dr. Nikki Riley and her team steal dozens of exotic pythons from a house and set them free into the Florida Everglades, not knowing that the snakes grow to alarming sizes due to the change of climate. In a matter of days, the pythons pose a threat to the Everglades, as they kill and eat every alligator, person and animal in their path. After losing her fiance to a python attack, Park Ranger Terry O'Hara feeds a pack of alligators with steroid-laced chickens. This doesn't help the situation at all, as the gargantuan reptiles are now a danger to the entire state of Florida.

Lowdown
Mega Python vs. Gatoroid is everything you expect from a movie produced by The Asylum: an unoriginal plot, horrible acting, laughable special effects and a bunch of has-beens top-billing the cast list. And that's about it. If you've seen Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus, you're not missing much.

But then again, you're not watching this movie to see some poorly-rendered CG snakes and alligators fighting each other. You're in it to see the other fight: Debbie Gibson vs. Tiffany. Yes, it's the two former '80s pop idols who used to grace the covers of your sister's Bop and Tiger Beat magazines - long before you got their issues of Playboy. Today, Tiffany (now 39) is a bit chubby and sporting some implants, while Debbie is surprisingly hot for 40. And that leads us to a cat fight that puts WWE Diva matches to complete shame. Vince McMahon should sign these two ASAP!

Lady Gaga and Katy Perry better take note of this movie, as this is probably what they'll end up doing 20 years from now.

Rating: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Links
The Asylum's Official Mega Python vs. Gatoroid Homepage
Mega Python vs. Gatoroid @ Syfy

References
The Internet Movie Database
 
Been a while since I posted a review here. So here are the first few I watched this year.

Green Lantern
One of DC Comics' popular characters finally gets a live-action treatment. Unfortunately, it sucks. The movie suffers from not only a bad plot, but piss-poor CG effects - especially when viewed in 3D. It literally looks like someone pasted Ryan Reynolds' face on a computer-generated body. And since it performed poorly at the box office, no sequel for Green Lantern. A reboot, perhaps?

Rating: :ill: :ill:

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oazFv302DIM&hd=1]Green Lantern[/ame]

X-Men: First Class
Finally, Marvel and FOX get it right with the X-Men Franchise. Set in 1962 around the Cuban Missile Crisis, the prequel to the first X-Men film delivers with an excellent storyline accompanied by epic performances by James McAvoy as Professor Xavier and Michael Fassbender as Erik Lensherr/Magneto. Plus, there are cameo appearances by Hugh Jackman as Logan/Wolverine and Rebecca Romijn as Mystique.

Rating: :headbang: :headbang: :headbang: :headbang: :headbang:

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=frcCCHb9LHc&hd=1]X-Men: First Class[/ame]
 
Thor
Marvel's God of Thunder finally makes it to the big screen, and it's actually a good movie. Chris Hemsworth really fits the role of Thor, and Natalie Portman does a great performance as his love interest. Granted, it's not Iron Man, but still an excellent Marvel film.

Rating: :headbang: :headbang: :headbang: :headbang:

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JOddp-nlNvQ&hd=1]Thor[/ame]

Captain America: The First Avenger
After several weak attempts in the past, Marvel finally gives Captain America the movie he deserves. Serving as the prequel to Iron Man 1-2, The Incredible Hulk and Thor, as well as the upcoming Avengers movie, Captain America: The First Avenger chronicles the adventures of the star-spangled hero during his days in World War II. Chris Evans, who previously played the Human Torch in Fantastic Four, is perfect as Steve Rogers/Captain America, even if his CG-enhanced skinny version is a bit creepy. The action and story really make this film epic - just second to Iron Man among all the Marvel movies.

Rating: :headbang: :headbang: :headbang: :headbang: :headbang:

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vq8OoPdiiVc&hd=1]Captain America: The First Avenger[/ame]
 
Transformers: Dark of the Moon
This is the third and final chapter of the Transformers film series, so how does it fare compared to the first two? Well, the storyline is still pretty bad. The acting is still poor - especially Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, who replaces Megan Fox as the leading lady. But you don't watch Transformers for all that. It's all about a bunch of CG robots beating the shit out of each other. And it looks awesome in 3D. So if you just want an action-packed popcorn film, Dark of the Moon is well worth it.

Rating: :popcorn: :popcorn: :popcorn: 1/2

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJveLwLRwyk&hd=1]Transformers: Dark of the Moon[/ame]

Cars 2
Pixar's latest film is probably their weakest, as the storyline leaves a lot to be desired and it focuses too much on Mater - a character most parents don't want their kids to relate themselves to. Still, it delivers with breathtaking artwork and animation, as well as excellent voice acting by Larry the Cable Guy as Mater and Michael Caine as Finn McMissile. Also, don't miss the Toy Story opener "Hawaiian Vacation".

Rating: :popcorn: :popcorn: :popcorn:

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lg5hj2c5Nkk&hd=1]Cars 2[/ame]
 
Technically, it's supposed to be one of the worst movies ever made, but it ends up being so bad, it's good. Ladies and gentlemen, here is The Room.

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCj8sPCWfUw]The Room[/ame]
 
Real Steel
Here's a movie that threw me off-guard. When I first saw the trailer last year, I dismissed it as both a generic sci-fi movie and an attempt at adapting the old toy game Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots. It turns out that it's actually a kids' movie in the likes of The Karate Kid. Despite such premise, it's surprisingly enjoyable, with some very good CG effects and remarkable fight choreography (Sugar Ray Leonard served as the film's boxing adviser). It sure ain't Rocky, but it's a knockout for all ages.

Rating: :popcorn: :popcorn: :popcorn: 1/2

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ei5l3r1dV4I&hd=1]Real Steel[/ame]
 
Puss in Boots
Everyone's favorite swashbuckling cat is back with his own movie. Puss in Boots delivers with outstanding animation and a much better storyline than the last two Shrek movies, plus excellent voice acting by Antonio Banderas, Salma Hayek and Zach Galifianakis. Undoubtedly the best animated film this year.

Rating: :headbang: :headbang: :headbang: :headbang: :headbang:

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITGsYp3kY-g&hd=1]Puss in Boots[/ame]
 
Drive
Finally, we get a great action thriller without all the excess bullshit we see in today's Hollywood films. Drive is devoid of nauseating camera movements, fake CGI effects and annoying soundtracks that have plagued similar films over the past decade. Instead, what we have is textbook filmmaking at its finest - a great storyline, excellent car chase scenes reminiscent of Bullitt and an outstanding performance by Ryan Gosling, who displays shades of Clint Eastwood and Robert De Niro in their earlier years. Plus, its '80s-style titles and camera angles are the icing to this wonderful cake. Undoubtedly the best movie of 2011!

Rating: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship:

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CWX34ShfcsE&hd=1]Drive[/ame]
 
It's been a while since I did any quick review here, so I'll start with what I've seen in theaters this year:

John Carter
Based on the classic story A Princess of Mars by Edgar Rice Burroughs, John Carter boasts some pretty good special effects, but the storyline leaves much to be desired. Besides, if you've seen Avatar (which was actually inspired by the John Carter of Mars novels), you're not missing anything.

Rating: :Smug: :Smug: :Smug:

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Rf55GTEZ_E]John Carter[/ame]

The Hunger Games
So we have yet another blockbuster movie based on a bestselling young adult novel. Fortunately, unlike the other young adult novel film series whose title is not to be mentioned, The Hunger Games is actually pretty good. The problem is that the Japanese did a similar story a decade ago called Battle Royale, and their execution was much better.

Rating: :popcorn: :popcorn: :popcorn: 1/2

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qoUT7q2iTbQ]The Hunger Games[/ame]

The Muppets
It's great to be a Muppet fan again. The Muppets brings back everything you loved about The Muppet Show, from its iconic Muppets such as Kermit the Frog, Miss Piggy and Fozzie Bear, to its mix of tongue-in-cheek humor and musical numbers. Without a doubt, The Muppets is one of the best family films ever made.

Rating: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship:

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C4YhbpuGdwQ]The Muppets[/ame]
 
The Avengers
For years, I always thought that there was no way Marvel could top Iron Man. Thor and Captain America: The First Avenger were excellent, but not even close. I was wrong. The Avengers contains all of the ingredients that make a great superhero movie: an excellent script, awesome special effects and the right actors to play your favorite superheroes. As usual, we get spectacular performances by Robert Downey, Jr. (Iron Man), Chris Evans (Captain America), Chris Hemsworth (Thor) and Tom Hiddleston (Loki), but the ones who really stand out above them are Mark Ruffalo as Bruce Banner and Jeremy Renner as Hawkeye.

Batman and Spider-Man have a lot to live up for this year, especially with The Avengers raking in over US$770 million worldwide and still climbing.

Rating: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship:

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rU_l3ycnzEo]The Avengers[/ame]
 
Here's a new set of quick movie reviews:

The Amazing Spider-Man
At first, you'd wonder why such a relatively young comic book movie franchise needs a reboot. Well, this new one actually blows the original trilogy out of the water with a more fluid storyline and character development, as well as Andrew Garfield being an overall better Peter Parker than Toby Maguire. It's not The Avengers or Iron Man, but this new Spider-Man movie is worth the ticket.

Rating: :kickass: :kickass: :kickass: :kickass: 1/2

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=16AwVWvjQhY]The Amazing Spider-Man[/ame]

The Bourne Legacy
For those who are fans of the Bourne trilogy, don't bother watching this spin-off. The story makes no sense, the characters are flat, and the whole film gives the Philippines a bad name by filming the worst parts of Manila.

Rating: :fu:

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4McdaMBK1Tk]The Bourne Legacy[/ame]

The Expendables 2

The testosterone-driven action star reunion is back, and it's bigger than ever. And fortunately, it's a much better movie than the first Expendables film. The Expendables 2 shows that Jean-Claude Van Damme is a perfect villain, and that Chuck Norris loves his own jokes.

Rating: :headbang: :headbang: :headbang: :headbang:

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TgEqVYcryWc]The Expendables 2[/ame]
 
Dredd
Finally, a Judge Dredd movie worth watching. Dredd may not have the best storyline, but fans of the comic book series will be delighted to see that the film's ultraviolence and gritty setting are close enough to satisfy them. Even with a rather low budget compared to the horrid 1995 version, Dredd packs a lot of outstanding visual effects.

Rating: :kickass: :kickass: :kickass: :kickass:

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqqgrUna28w]Dredd[/ame]

The Dark Knight Rises
Christopher Nolan's highly acclaimed Dark Knight Saga comes to a close with a bang. Excellent performance by Tom Hardy as Bane, making him one of the best comic book villains on film. Compared to Batman Begins and The Dark Knight, this film is not as strong in terms of storytelling, but the production staff threw everything and the kitchen sink in IMAX cinematography and outstanding special effects. No wonder 2012 is a great year for comic book movies.

Rating: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship:

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pk2IteR2QxQ]The Dark Knight Rises[/ame]
 
Ted[/b]
Without a doubt, the funniest movie of the year. Family Guy's Seth MacFarlane tests the limit of the R rating as the voice of a teddy bear on crack. Excellent performances by Mark Wahlberg and Mila Kunis, as well as a tongue-in-cheek narration by X-Men's Patrick Stewart. If you grew up in the '80s, you'll love the film's numerous references. Fans of the old Flash Gordon movie will have a complete nerdgasm from Sam J. Jones' cameo appearance.

Rating: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aGW5gpMU9yo]Ted[/ame]

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zbc3M4hhVy0]Ted - Restricted Axe Spot[/ame]
 
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