Musician jokes

[Dead Winter]

What is the bassist's job in a band?

Watching the backstage door while the rest of the band get laid



Why was the bassist pissed off when his guitarist detuned one of his bass strings?

He couldn't figure out which one



How do you know you're driving behind a drummer?

He keeps going faster and faster and faster...



How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?

One...only after he changes it, he sits around all night whining about how much better he could do it in the practice room



A tour manager comes to the lobby of the hotel where the band is staying at the night after a show and asks for the room of the frontman. The hotel clerk says, "Sir, I don't know how to tell you this but your frontman is dead...he overdosed last night in his room" The tour manager says ok and leaves the building. Five minutes later he comes back and asks for the frontman's room again, and again is told, "Sir, I'm sorry, but your frontman's dead." The tour manager acknowledges this and again walks out of the lobby. Five minutes later, he's back again, asking for the same hotel room of the frontman, only this time the desk clerk shouts, "LOOK! I TOLD YOU TWICE ALREADY, YOUR FRONTMAN'S DEAD!!!! DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THAT?!?!?!?!"

The tour manager replies, "Oh yes, I understand perfectly...I just love hearing it."

 

[Det Som Engang Var]

I broke my G string while fingering A Minor >_>

 

[Hawng]

You hear about the bass player that locked his keys in the car?


























....it took him 20 mins to get the drummer out.

 

[flying_whale]

A minor contains the note G, so you might break the G string while fingering A minor. but i would rather finger you than finger an A minor

 

[Cat5Messiah]

How about:

What do you call a guitarist without a girlfriend?
Homeless.

When I worked at Guitar Center, there was a musician jokebook with pages and pages of corny jokes!

 

[Anvil]

Did you hear about the guitarist who was in tune?
Neither did I.



How do you get a guitar player off of your front porch?
Pay for the pizza.



What do you do if your bassist is drowning?
Throw him his amp.



How is an orgasm like a drum solo?
You can tell it's coming but there's no way to stop it.



What did the drummer get on his I.Q. test?
Drool.



Why don't bass players ever catch a cold?
Even a virus has some pride.



What's the difference between a guitarist and a mutual fund?
One matures.



How do you make a guitarist play quieter?
Put a sheet of music in front of him.
How do you make him stop?
Put notes on it.



What's worse than telling jokes about guitarists?
Laughing at 'em.

 

[Dead Winter]

You hear about the bass player that locked his keys in the car?


























....it took him 20 mins to get the drummer out.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!

 

[Shadow298]

There is a bass player who was really pissed off with everything, especially with constantly being called stupid for being a bass player.
So he decides to take a break from it all and go off into the countryside for a while.
Whilst walking along, he comes across this giant field of dirt, in the middle of this field, is a rowing boat and sitting in the rowing boat is a bass player from another band. Rowing his little heart out.
Now, this pisses the Bass Player off no end. He gets so mad that he starts pulling his hair out and wretching his clothes.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?!" he screams. "It's people like you who make all other bass players stupid and if it wasn't so far, I'd swim out there and kick your arse!"

 

[El Stormo]

How do you know a stage is set up perfectly straight?

-- When the drool runs out of both corners of the drummer's mouth


Why do drummer jokes always consist of only two lines?

-- Because the bassists don't understand them otherwise.

 

[Dead Winter]

How do you know if you're speaking to a guitarist?

Don't worry....he'll tell you.

 

[Calamitas1786]

How do you break a soundguy's thumb?





















Kick him in the ass.

 

[Shadow298]

Q: What's got 3 legs and an arsehole on top?
A: A drumstool

Q: how can you tell a singer is at your door?
A: can't find th right key and when he does, doesn't know when to come in

 

[7GodlessTongues]

What do you get when you throw a piano down a mineshaft?



A flat minor.