That was one tasty motherfuckin' burger. But, it almost didn't happen...
I debated going home straight from work first and dropping off my weekly weight of the world, as well as my bass, a small stash of ground coffee from a friend, and also to solidify my wife's particular burger choice (mushroom burger again?). Nick's Burgers is just a few scant blocks from my place of business, so figured I should call her beforehand just in case her daily hunger strike matched my own, which was already at a peak level of dizziness and grumpy countenance. Safely utilizing the hands-free bluetooth'd device, I was horror stricken as she didn't pick up her phone upon 4th ring! A decision must be made, an easy right toward home or daring left into the thick of the fray. Quick, no time to waste, to burgerland I go!
That area is an industrial jungle of sorts, with many traffic lights, pot holes, and other elements of urban struggle. Thankfully upon repeated calling, and wrestling with my voice-command phone-car that occasionally switches to Spanish if I start yelling impatiently, the wife picked up and debated on the aforementioned mushroom burger. As we were speaking I approached the driveway at Nick's Lovely Beefland, which is a little bit weird, especially given my vehicle of nearly low-rider height. I only visit this establishment but once every 6 months or so, and always forget how that first entrance causes some three-wheel motion from my Japanese sportwagon. After that mild motion disturbance I got into the drivethru line, saw the CASH ONLY sign, and panicked! I only had 3 physical dollars upon my person, and feared that tonight's burgerventure might be ruined. Wait, there's still time, I can back up!
"Okay so mushro-OH NO CASH ONLY!"
"*gasp* How far is the ATM?!"
"Just a few blocks, I think I c-"
"GO! DO IT NOW!"
The descending driveway of Nick's Greaseball of Wonderment being quite less perilous than the entrance still managed to scrape the undercarriage of my silver vessel, but perhaps burger excitement had now turned to automatic teller paranoia and I had grown impatient, launching myself toward a dangerous left turn headlong into traffic. But, I made it without further incident, and was soon at our local place of banking.
But what is this?! A closed ATM lane on a Friday evening in a busy area right by the freeway? My g-d man, this could take MINUTES instead of seconds, what will happen to my hunger pangs by that time? Thankfully the car in front of me skipped right through and I was able to $40 Fast Cash my way out of there after only waiting for 2 cars instead of the impossibly long 3. The natives were growing restless and I squared up against a '50s-era Chevrolet truck chock full of plantdeath and immigrants of questionable legality, but a simple clutch feathering was on my side, and back I found myself at Nick's Joyous Occasion of Bacon Deliciousness. Again feeling the Snoop-esque three-wheel motion (curse this faulty driveway!), I was back in line and ready with cash in hand.
"*BZST* Hi, how can I help you?"
"I'll take one bacon cheeseburger and then one cheeseburger and--"
"*BONK* was that *BASJAB* two bacon cheeseburgers and a regular?"
"No, just one ba--"
"*ZBIP* Okay so one cheese, one bacon cheese?"
"Correct."
"*FLPR* One bacon cheeseburger, one cheeseburger, and...?"
"One bacon cheeseburger, one regular cheeseburger, one order of fries, and-"
"*KUTN*"
"...and one onion ring."
"One bacon cheeseburger, one regular cheeseburger, one order of fries, and one onion ring, got it!"
Turns out she was quite the sweet lady at the front of the register, I think I shall place my blame for miscommunication on that infernal metallic box that seemingly won't leave this part of the world! A pox upon its rattly nature and false tenses. Even so, as tragedy could have easily struck once again, I quickly received my two large white bags easily growing clear, and was on my way. Jump #4 of the driveway landed no scraping or otherwise loss of gravity, and even taking the shortcut through the local orange groves (which can be dangerous after dark), there were no further incidents to stop me from arriving home and stuffing my face. And so I did. Oddly enough even after accidentally ordering her the regular cheeseburger there was no protest, lucky day indeed!
It was quite the first world safari. So now is the time for celebration ale and classic western cinema. I love Fridays.