My marriage is over.

[jangoux]

Yeah.

Some of you guys that talked to me for the last few years know how much I am crazy about my wife and my daughters. But the marriage is over. It was supposed to be over a few months ago but she gave me one last chance to improve some stuff I was messing up and I failed. I am crushed. Will go live with my parents again [at age 32...meh), have no car, I am completely broken....but the most important, I will miss so much my wife and my daughters.

Just wanted to share. Please no hate messages towards her. I also don't drink alcohol or smoke pot so no 'get crazy' advice heh

Ivan

 

[Nuno Filipe]

It´s a shit, as always but you will overcome this. Keep your mind busy and have some patience because time will heal your pain.

When I say, keep working on something it´s because its much easier this way and much faster. Because the more you think about what failed more depressed you will become.

 

[ArthurD]

Ivan, muitas vezes essa decisão é a que pode trazer (no futuro) um excelente relacionamento baseado na amizade. Força amigo! Lembre-se que não pode nem deve se distanciar de suas filhas (pelo menos por questões legais). Sugiro que estabeleçam em cartório as obrigações de ambos em relação às filhas, inclusive férias e visitação, para evitar ação judicial.
Um abraço!

 

[jangoux]

Ivan, muitas vezes essa decisão é a que pode trazer (no futuro) um excelente relacionamento baseado na amizade. Força amigo! Lembre-se que não pode nem deve se distanciar de suas filhas (pelo menos por questões legais). Sugiro que estabeleçam em cartório as obrigações de ambos em relação às filhas, inclusive férias e visitação, para evitar ação judicial.
Um abraço!

Valeu Arthur. Eu não quero me distanciar das minhas filhas, acho que é o que mais dói. Minha mais velha é muito agarrada comigo pois eu que criei ela em boa parte sozinho. Um dia te conto a história dela, de como ela nasceu e tudo mais, é uma história bonita. Acho que não vai ser preciso essas coisas ai judiciais, Izabela nem a família dela tem esse perfil. Férias eu não tenho a 4 anos, nem imagino como proporcionar isso a elas.

Nuno Felipe, I am trying to find strenght to come back to work...this just happened after 4 days of almost 40 degree Celsius fever and a huge asthma crisis, 3 days without eating, so I am really really weak ....Trying really hard to get on my feet and keep the head straight.

 

[ArthurD]

Valeu Arthur. Eu não quero me distanciar das minhas filhas, acho que é o que mais dói. Minha mais velha é muito agarrada comigo pois eu que criei ela em boa parte sozinho. Um dia te conto a história dela, de como ela nasceu e tudo mais, é uma história bonita. Acho que não vai ser preciso essas coisas ai judiciais, Izabela nem a família dela tem esse perfil. Férias eu não tenho a 4 anos, nem imagino como proporcionar isso a elas.

Nuno Felipe, I am trying to find strenght to come back to work...this just happened after 4 days of almost 40 degree Celsius fever and a huge asthma crisis, 3 days without eating, so I am really really weak ....Trying really hard to get on my feet and keep the head straight.

Ivan, o pouco que sei sobre a história foi o levantamento de fundos que esse forum ajudou com sua filhinha, achei simplesmente sensacional! No final, o que importa mesmo é o amor dos filhos, tenho certeza que supera qualquer coisa!

Sobre o outro assunto, é uma questão, às vezes, inevitável, por isso com a separação é bom procurar fazer direitinho no cartório e homologar no juiz.
Se não tiver dinheiro, creio que a defensoria faz tranquilamente (pelo menos aqui em Brasília). E são as férias de suas filhas =) (passar na casa do pai metade, por exemplo), assim há mais segurança para suas filhas, além do mais, crescerão e terão vontades diferentes na adolescência, pense a longo prazo.
Vejo muito isso no meu dia a dia como advogado. Nem é questão da família ser ou não ser de entrar na justiça, mas é para evitar qualquer tipo de confusão futura, ainda mais se os pais estiverem de acordo com tudo.
Muita força mesmo! Um abraço!

It´s a shit, as always but you will overcome this. Keep your mind busy and have some patience because time will heal your pain.

When I say, keep working on something it´s because its much easier this way and much faster. Because the more you think about what failed more depressed you will become.

Tudo isso + exercício físico, boa alimentação e livros =)))

 

[Ermz]

Sorry to hear it, mate. This is one of those situations for which there are no words to make it better. Just something that begins to put itself into perspective over time.

The only point of advice I can give is to try to not let it affect your work life any more than it has to. When something similar happened to me, it damned near cost me the career I'd spent my entire adult life trying to build, not to mention my health. That being said, one part of your post sets off some alarm bells for me: 'It was supposed to be over a few months ago but she gave me one last chance to improve some stuff I was messing up and I failed.' Do not let the ball be in her court as far as righteousness is concerned. A relationship takes two people. The longer you blame yourself, the longer you will stay moored in your depression. I don't know your exact circumstances, but these things are rarely ever one sided.

Good luck, mate. Hope you find the strength to get yourself through it.

 

[jangoux]

Thanks for the words, Ermin. Relationships are made of two people yes of course. I battled, or to better word it, stood still against depression for around 2 to 3 years due to pure stubborness. I did all kinds of shit and messed up things to my family, made everyone around me unhappy and in the end she asked me out after I got crazy and almost tried suicide. I was out of home for about 1 month and accepted me back with a few conditions, including accepting a treatment and other personal things that were not working out and I assume the fault. Fast forward a few months up to today, I relaxed on my treatment, drowned myself with work and I was again the angry unhappy dude of a few months ago. I just couldn´t handle it, just like before. This wasn´t what ignited the ending but you get the picture...

Right now she went here to take some of her things to her aunt´s house and I am disassembling everything, including the studio, to take to my parents´ apartment. The house is her family´s and will be placed for rent soon.

Sorry to hear it, mate. This is one of those situations for which there are no words to make it better. Just something that begins to put itself into perspective over time.

The only point of advice I can give is to try to not let it affect your work life any more than it has to. When something similar happened to me, it damned near cost me the career I'd spent my entire adult life trying to build, not to mention my health. That being said, one part of your post sets off some alarm bells for me: 'It was supposed to be over a few months ago but she gave me one last chance to improve some stuff I was messing up and I failed.' Do not let the ball be in her court as far as righteousness is concerned. A relationship takes two people. The longer you blame yourself, the longer you will stay moored in your depression. I don't know your exact circumstances, but these things are rarely ever one sided.

Good luck, mate. Hope you find the strength to get yourself through it.

 

[updog]

Sorry to hear that, I'm sure things will turn for the better soon!

May I ask though, are you actually clinically depressed, or do you just not enjoy your work?

My point is, this day and age, it's never too late to become something entirely different. I know all too well what it feels like to spend years studying and learning something and then just realize the fire towards it is simply going out, at which point pursuing only feels like a downhill.

Not necessarily advising you to quit AE work, in fact if you find joy in it then the answer is obviously to hang on to it. It's just that I've personally found change to heal me best when times are hard. It's important to keep perspective on everything that's out there for you.

 

[abt]

Warm loving vibes to you my Sneap brother.

 

[AD Chaos]

Ah man, sorry to hear that.

I remember seeing a vid you posted of your kids listening metal, it was really cool.
Best wishes for you and hope everything works out in the end.

 

[jangoux]

yes i was clinically depressed but part of what got me into depression was some work related stuff. i love music but working as an ae seems to take life off me. on these years working i achieved lots of work related gains but almost no peesonal gains. i let work get priority over my health, over my family, and i am not anywhere near rich to make it "worth the effort". i just cant get to work anymore like if a gun was pointing my head and a cock pointing my asshole. it was a huge mistake i made .

Sorry to hear that, I'm sure things will turn for the better soon!

May I ask though, are you actually clinically depressed, or do you just not enjoy your work?

My point is, this day and age, it's never too late to become something entirely different. I know all too well what it feels like to spend years studying and learning something and then just realize the fire towards it is simply going out, at which point pursuing only feels like a downhill.

Not necessarily advising you to quit AE work, in fact if you find joy in it then the answer is obviously to hang on to it. It's just that I've personally found change to heal me best when times are hard. It's important to keep perspective on everything that's out there for you.

 

[Ermz]

You're not the only one who's gone through this. I hit a very similar slump and depression due to this work, and it led to a series of cascading problems in my personal life which nearly destroyed me. You eventually come to a point where you realize the effort to pay-off ratio is nowhere near worth it. I'd say it's more inevitable than uncommon.

 

[Loren Littlejohn]

I have no advice or hate to give you. That sucks and I'm really sorry to hear that honestly man. Shitty situation all around.

 

[Loki Laufeyiarson]

Man, really sorryfor you. Depression is a nasty foe especially when it chases away the ones you hurt.

 

[LeSedna]

Cant read but reconnect with your friends they are unvaluable. If you dont have many because of how your life was, go out, join a club of some sort, something you always dreams of doing but did'nt have time to do, then make friends. The best of friends Will never break up with you, thats why i love mine.

 

[LeSedna]

I think it is very common after 24/25yo to hit some wall. Modern life is not designed for us. Try to take this as an opportunity to make your life better. It must be hard, i have had some brick wall issues at some point too but there is always an issue ! Friends are super important.

 

[XxSicRokerxX]

Get yourself a dog and take him out for walks (if you have the time and $). That really helps me. Also, you're only 32, you're only beginning to live, you still have a lot of things ahead of you.

 

[LBTM]

Sorry to hear that Ivan. Just don't start drinking or doing harm to your self. Remember that physiology affects psychology. Start some habits like exercising and eating healthy, you'll feel better.

 

[jangoux]

I am planning on start things to improve myself. Firstly because i need it, secondly because i still feel I can have my family back with a change of posture and atitude towards myself. Fuck, I spent two years sleeping badly because of two inflamated biceps tendoms I have due to lack of activity.Also I am trying to figure out what can I do towards my work. I have no depression anymore but I need some changing

 

[MarcusGHedwig]

Sorry to hear it dude, all I can say is hang in there and good luck with whatever you decide to do!