Need Criticism

[Ozzloaf]

Hi,
This my first time writing lyrics in a very long time. I'd like some criticism and help on it. It's pretty personally actually. It's based off of some events that have been happening over the past few weeks.

Four years of work
Four years of concentration
Four years of strength
Four years of frustration

Lifes goal revealed
Secrets now known
The key to the minds eye
Lucid dreams awake

What else is in this life?
But this bitter challenge
My biggest pain
And greatest love

The elders have power
to let me live
to give me breath
to supply knowledge

But they cast me down
My morbid tendencies
unappealing to their bright outlook

I find beauty in death
not so vivid
but strong

My motivation endless
yet I am tethered
forced to continue in solitude

Education is a lie
Knowledge can only be found
by ones self
No man can give it

And no man can take it away
Only restrict it

Four years of strife
Four years of solitude
Four years of sacrifice
Four more years of frustration

...

Thanks,
Jake

 

[Vuashke]

not bad. i liked

"Lifes goal revealed
Secrets now known
The key to the minds eye
Lucid dreams awake"

whats it all about?

is this lyrics for a song you are composing? if so you can you give me a little outline on the song too?

 

[Ozzloaf]

I actually wrote these lyrics without a song background. I was sort of humming it along so I think it'd work though.
That little part is actually about drawing. A lucid dream is a dream in which the person is aware that he or she is dreaming while the dream is in progress, also known as a conscious dream. While in this state you're able to do anything you want, and control your dream. A lucid dream without sleep would be sort of well... impossible but I was relating it, and all of those lines really, to how I feel when I draw.