Captain Beard
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QUESTION: for the boyses
- Thread starter mReEtTaIlRsEkD
- Start date
No my child, stay with me and be blissful in everlasting love. But stop touching yourself at night, it makes my loins ache.
Necromunchkin
Lord of the Whisky
So if Satan and Jesus both came out of the closet at the same time, would it be Armageddon, or just the gayest thing since Freddie Mercury in a white jump suit?
It isn't like that. Malergion caught Satan and chained him in his closet, so in retaliation, Beard caught ME and chained me in his. We're *literally*in closets. Mr. David went to the toilet, so I can't do this for long.
Malergion
Complex pain
Captain Beard
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And somebody got caught on my laptop while I was taking a shit, and is getting a boot crammed in his anus.
Malergion
Complex pain
Jace_Mereel
Freakame, Freakayou!
Captain Beard
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He's really cranky right now since he's not allowed to jerk off by creed, so he says you can't either. He's a dick if you're around him enough, why you folks like him, I dunno.
You guys are fucking losers. Satan can't be captured. You probably got some lowly parademon from Apokolips, cause I sincerely doubt you're remotely talented to catch a minion, let alone the fucking GOD, of Hell.
Malergion
Complex pain
Captain Beard
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Like some Canadian that has never been to Porterville to see the portal to Hell that opened in Glenn's front yard has any idea whether Satan can be caught. He WALKED into Hell, and grabbed him by the ARM.
Malergion
Complex pain
Yes, after David helpfully desecrated the giant wooden cross that was blocking said portal from opening. Why it appeared in *my* yard, I don't know. The LOD is strangely tight-lipped.
Captain Beard
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Since his capture, I check in once a week to ensure everything runs smoothly, and that it is far more fun than heaven. I made the place a paradise as compared to the old folks home you'd go to if you went to heaven. The smell of rank piss, old people, and unwashed puritan farmers is not my idea of great. I also keep it about 65 F, really annoys the demons.
Malergion
Complex pain
Well, I'm hot blooded, check it and see
I got a fever of a hundred and three
Come on baby, do you do more than dance?
I'm hot blooded, I'm hot blooded
You don't have to read my mind, to know what I have in mind
Honey you oughta know
Now you move so fine, let me lay it on the line
I wanna know what you're doin' after the show
Now it's up to you, we can make a secret rendezvous
Just me and you, I'll show you lovin' like you never knew
That's why, I'm hot blooded, check it and see
I got a fever of a hundred and three
Come on baby, do you do more than dance?
I'm hot blooded, hot blooded
If it feels alright, maybe you can stay all night
Shall I leave you my key?
But you've got to give me a sign, come on girl, some kind of sign
Tell me, are you hot mama? you sure look that way to me
Are you old enough? will you be ready when I call you bluff?
Is my timing right? did you save your love for me tonight?
Yeah I'm hot blooded, check it and see
Feel the fever burning inside of me
Come on baby, do you do more than dance?
I'm hot blooded, I'm hot blooded, I'm hot
Now it's up to you, can we make a secret rendezvous?
Oh, before we do, you'll have to get away from you know who
Well, I'm hot blooded, check it and see
I got a fever of a hundred and three
Come on baby, do you do more than dance?
I'm hot blooded, I'm hot blooded
Hot blooded, every night
Hot blooded, you're looking so tight
Hot blooded, now you're driving me wild
Hot blooded, I'm so hot for you, child
Hot blooded, I'm a little bit high
Hot blooded, you're a little bit shy
Hot blooded, you're making me sing
Hot blooded, for your sweet sweet thing
I got a fever of a hundred and three
Come on baby, do you do more than dance?
I'm hot blooded, I'm hot blooded
You don't have to read my mind, to know what I have in mind
Honey you oughta know
Now you move so fine, let me lay it on the line
I wanna know what you're doin' after the show
Now it's up to you, we can make a secret rendezvous
Just me and you, I'll show you lovin' like you never knew
That's why, I'm hot blooded, check it and see
I got a fever of a hundred and three
Come on baby, do you do more than dance?
I'm hot blooded, hot blooded
If it feels alright, maybe you can stay all night
Shall I leave you my key?
But you've got to give me a sign, come on girl, some kind of sign
Tell me, are you hot mama? you sure look that way to me
Are you old enough? will you be ready when I call you bluff?
Is my timing right? did you save your love for me tonight?
Yeah I'm hot blooded, check it and see
Feel the fever burning inside of me
Come on baby, do you do more than dance?
I'm hot blooded, I'm hot blooded, I'm hot
Now it's up to you, can we make a secret rendezvous?
Oh, before we do, you'll have to get away from you know who
Well, I'm hot blooded, check it and see
I got a fever of a hundred and three
Come on baby, do you do more than dance?
I'm hot blooded, I'm hot blooded
Hot blooded, every night
Hot blooded, you're looking so tight
Hot blooded, now you're driving me wild
Hot blooded, I'm so hot for you, child
Hot blooded, I'm a little bit high
Hot blooded, you're a little bit shy
Hot blooded, you're making me sing
Hot blooded, for your sweet sweet thing
Captain Beard
No longer active
- Sep 6, 2001
- 28,010
- 99
- 48
Captain Beard
No longer active
- Sep 6, 2001
- 28,010
- 99
- 48
Sounds like until you come down here and see Hell for yourself you're confusing common animals with Batman.
Malergion
Complex pain
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